I'm PREGNANT with my BESTFRIEND's Husband..Should i ABORT or give this baby LIFE?

Question

i'm only 3 weeks pregnant with my bestfriend's husband,she has not idea.you NEED to READ THE WHOLE THING to UNDERSTAND my Messed up SITUATION.In 2006 my bestfriend asked me to ve a baby for them.She will never be able to get pregnant.They ve been married for 7yrs & they wanted a baby.I asked her to adopt but she wanted her husband to ve his own biological child.I was against this.I asked her to find another surrogate mom but she was afraid the woman may change her mind & not give them the child.I tried to say no but she cried & begged & was afraid of losing her husband.She said she trusted me & knew that i would keep it a secret 4 them.We had 3 meetings with husband & saw a councelor.I finally agreed to do it.

My bestfriend & i are from south Africa.We came together to the states 10yrs ago.Bcos of our cultural beliefs,we were supposed to keep it a secret & once the child was born,we would pretend it was her biological child,her family & mine would never know.they are in africa.

Her parents in africa wanted a grandchild.We thought of ways of how her husband & I were going to ve sex.We wanted it to be quick & over with.She booked a Hotel for her us.I met him there after school(college).It was the most weird feeling i had ever had when i walked into the room & saw him.We had some wine to relax.we were both so nervous,we didn't know what to do.He then kissed me & i felt chills down my spine.For the first time in all the 8yrs i ve known him(as my bestfriend's man)I noticed him,i looked at him & he had the most beautiful blues i had ever seen.I knew immediately it was wrong bcos i liked what i was seeing in front of me,i stormed at the room & went home.I called my friend & said i wasn't going to do it bcos it was wrong.She said i needed to give it time.2 months we tried again & i still couldn't get myself to sleep with him.A month later at a warming party for their 2nd house,he & I went outside to talk about the whole thing. Continued at the bottom

I had always known he was good looking but i didn't realize how handsome he was up close & personal.He is British(has been in the States for 15 yrs),6”4,brown hair,blue eyes.My friend came out to us,sat on his lap & said “you guys should try again later tonight”.later that night, he & I went to a separate room & we did, 3 times.The problem was I didn't get pregnant bcos i was on & off the pill(thats what the doctor told us).I finally made up my mind that i was not going to do it anyway.She finally understood & accepted.She called her family & told them about her situation.My messed situation is after that night of he & I going at it 3 rounds,we developed feelings for eachother.We knew it was not right.We(he & I) decided it was best that i went back to Africa for sometime so we could get over eachother.I took a break from school & he financed my trip & stay in Africa

I was there for 6 months.He called me in Africa once a week to see if i needed any more money.I came back to the States about 3 months ago.My bestfriend told me her marriage was not going were and she suspected that it had to do with her unable to ve a child.2 months after my arrival i ran into Him.He grabbed me & kissed me.later that night he came to my apartment & we had sex.(i Know very well that i'm wrong for doing this).Now i'm pregnant with his baby.He wants me to keep the baby as ours(he & I).I don't want to excuse my behavior but i think my friend pushed me into this corner.

I know what we ve done is wrong but i think i'm falling for him.Should I abort to spare my friend Or give this child growing in a chance to have a life.(My parents will just have to kill me bcos they don't want mixed kids) How do i approach my friend?Should i give her the child against his wishes. He says he will file for divorce bcos their marriage is on rocks.

I KNOW WHAT I DID WAS BAD BUT I"M THINKING OF THE CHILD NOW..

My friend has no idea he paid for my trip and stay in africa..


The trip was supposed to help us get over eachother but it didn't

He (my friend's Husband) WANTS THE BABY....But he wants me and him to raise it together..I'm not married

Answer 1

DO NOT ABORT THE BABY!!!!!! It's like murdering. The least that u can do is give it up for adoption but dont kill the baby. We are all human so we make mistakes. Realize what u've done, vow that u will never do it it again. Oh, and confess. He IS the father of the baby he has a rite to know.

Answer 2

First, i do not care who it is if you have a bad marriage a child is not the fix or magic cure to your problems. Obviously, those problems run deep and it has nothing whatsever to do with children. In fact, that would be just one more problem added to the pile of issues within the marriage.

Second of all, the decision to keep the child should not be placed on "Pleasing another person." A child should be the product of love between two people, and that love should be guaranteed and afforded to the child.
This situation is not too different from a threesome, just so you know. That is to serve one person, the "Odd Man Out" in this case the man is the odd man out and he is window shopping.
You need to further think, are you planning on getting together with him to raise the child - breaking up your friend's marrage. No matter if it is good or bad it is her marriage and you are the other woman, friend or not. I do not believe your decision to keep the baby should be based on any other factor, or any other situation, or any other person. It should be based on two things only. 1. Do 'You' want this child to raise yourself? 2. Do you love this child enough to keep it and raise it in a loving environment.
If you really don't want children at this point in your life, then you should not have the child, if you do it should because you want the baby. If you have a baby you don't want the husband will get the child - and you may have to pay child support to him. In other words you will be giving him a piece on the side, a child that he wanted, and now paying him for raising the child. Is this where you want to be, you must ask yourself.
To keep the child really is an issue you should not be faced with, it is not fair that your friend put you in this position, or her husband. It is even worst that you went along with it knowing they had an unguaranteed future in their marriage. this is the biggest problem with being a serrogate - the future changes, and nine months is a long time. Most people can't even book a vaction 6 mos in advance without problems, how can you expect life to be the same in 9 mos.
If you yourself don't want the child you should not bear a child. You may loose a friend, but then she was not a real friend to ask this - it was self -serving. Let them adopt - that is why adoption exist.

Answer 3

Obviously we have a cross cultural issue here that many of us do not know how to answer. In many cases a situation like this would have normally had the support or condemnation of the parents, or close friends. In the western world, this is unsual (to use a kind word) but in other societies were clansmanship is a more tighter buffer than what we in the US or Western Europe have, there are more cases and in come places its common place and even traditionally supported to help develop the next generation.

Now that you are in a position to think for yourself, you now have the resultant problem of not having your parents or trusted friends to rely upon to provide guidance and strength. However, abortion should never be a choice, unless the unborn was a threat to the life of the mother (I also know a few mothers who would argue that they would rather die than subject to an abortion).

These actions were done for a reason. I cannot begin to guess what could be going through your mind right now. Conflicting emotions pulling at different sides with seemingly valid reasons for both decisions. But now you have a decision, to bring into this world life, or to end it. If you bring it into the world, you run the chance of locking onto the baby emotionally and a terrible legal process could result, tearing at friendships, and rapport.

Vice versa, ending the life would also damage the rapport and relationships that you built with your friends. From three persons there are now 'Great Expectations' placed on this new life.

The biggest thing you need now, is a place that you find secure, strong, and a place that you can relax from all these tugging emotions. From there ask your heart this question again, and listen carefully to the answer. This choice will ultimately be made by you. And it will be you that will live with the choice. I, personally, would bring in this life. Who knows that life may just be the next Eleanor Roosevelt, or John F Kennedy. Unfortunately, if we don't have any magic eight balls that would allow us to look into the future to check that.

I wish you luck, and I wish you strength at this terribly emotional decision that you have to make. **Hugs**

Answer 4

It depends on your ability to have children more generally. If you have no family history of difficult getting pregnant and you're under age 36, I would say it's probably a good idea to abort because you can always get pregnant again later with his baby, and when you do, it won't feel as immoral as this one time did. Also, you want to bring a child int oa stable world with committed parents. Neither you nor he is in that situation. He should divorce her and marry or be with you long-term for a while before you decide that having children is the correct direction for your relationship with him. As of now, I would say a child born in this situation would be going into a highly unstable household, and that is not healthy for the household or for the baby, nor is it fair to the baby.

If you really are concerned you'll have trouble getting pregnant ever again in the future (rather unlikely if you were chosen as able to act as a surrogate mother so recently), then you should write back and we'll evaluate your situation separately from above because that could be more complex.

Hope this helps.
Cheers,
Marc

Answer 5

I am not hear to tell you bad things. I wish, hope and think you should not kill this baby. it's wrong. no matter how this little one was made the baby is gods gift. I almost got an abortion. I was there in the clinic with my boy Friend who i am have problems with, any ways we looked at each other and said this is not right this place, we should not be here. we got up after 2 hours of waiting an walked out all eyes where on us and people smiled, the staff said do you want to come back later we said no. They said life is a gift and your the best parents in the world to leave. Are baby is 6 months old now and she is my heart, soul and my best friend I love her so much. even though this angle can not talk i know she is happy to be here too. Your problem is very difficult but the baby did not ask to be here or asked not live it's life. Keep you little unborn baby. you can't live with yourself if you abort. your problems with the Friends is noting compared to life being taken away. PLEASE KEEP HIM/HER...

Answer 6

Man.
What an insane situation.

First of all, if you wanted to be a surrogate, there are legitimate ways to go about this, WITHOUT having intercourse! That's just messed up! And, what's even more crazy, is that your "best" friend kept pushing you into it, it sounds.

SHE sounds a little bit looney, her husband sounds like a pig who was happy to get to screw someone else. You sound a bit like a fool, but that's beside the point now.

First of all, I wouldn't worry about sparing her feelings. She opened the door to her husband having sex with another woman, now it's time to pay the piper. You in NO WAY owe them this baby. (Especially since you didn't work out this "surrogate" thing legitimately with a contract and artificial insemination.) In fact, I'd be worried about these two raising a child.

You have to ask yourself, Can I raise this child (and possibly have to allow visitation to this wack-o guy) and feel good about it? I would suggest adoption, but being that it's his biological child, he may have first dibs on it. And, if they should happen to adopt it, who knows how your friend would treat it, having negative feelings about how it was conceived.

I'm generally against abortion. In this situation, I'm against them raising this baby. I question your ability to raise it also. You have to feel good about your decision; an abortion could make you feel sadness for the rest of your life.

It's very early (I assume you JUST took a pregnancy test?). If you're going to abort, do it now, and then remove yourself from the company of these nuts. If you want to have a baby (this is a big, big step-- a lifelong responsibility), have it and work out the details in court. Don't let him see the baby or have any say in it's life without first working out child support arrangements.

Finally... THINK before you act from now on! What a heavy lesson you've just had.

Answer 7

The child that you hold has the right to live . If you and this guy have strong feeling towards each other then you should definitely keep the baby. The child is living proof of the love you guys have for each other. If you decide to abort that would be against your morals .. Your best friend will eventually find out and no matter the consequences the child is not to blame. i wish you a happy ending

- Good luck :)

Answer 8

On one hand, that was a lot of pressure from your friend. I guess she must have wanted a child very badly. She did not think it would be possible for you two to fall for each other. Boy, that is a big mistake.
Now you have a baby you do not seem to want to give her. Yes, you should keep the child because it is the correct thing to do. I do not go along with cheating. But I feel if a wife is that damn stupid to put her husband with her B.F. then she should be prepared for what has just happened. If she would have researched the situation, he could have jacked off and you could have used a turkey baster. But, she wanted it romantic with wine. So, she has no one to blame but herself. You and her husband are a family now. End of story.



4263, your right. I even answered some of her other posts and did not catch it. She is a fraud. Can't believe I bought into her crap again!

Answer 9

have the baby and raise it as yours.Do not give it to any one for anything.

WHat a mess this is for you. I feel for you. Your friend is mostly to blame for this situation. The three of you knew this was wrong. you had the gut feeling it was wrong to start.

I think the moment you noticed his"beautiful blue eyes" you should have never agree to try to do it again.

Now you have feeling for this guy. I think you and him should raise the child as yours,after all you and him are the biological parents.

The situation between you and him could go either. He may end up marry you and you will have cute mixed kids and have a great family life or he might leave you.

You need to talk to your friend about it though. Keep the baby..

You and him also need to talk about you relationship with him and where the two of you really stand. if he is falling for you(which i think is the case) he needs to leave his wife(your friend). You will need him by your side during your pregancy..

Good luck...I think you did what was asked of you and your frined is to blamed it turned out this way.

Answer 10

Well hate to hear about the messed up situation but really it's up to you. every one can have their opinions on how messed up the situation is or how right or wrong abortion is. When it comes down to it, you need to make the best decision that you can make. Do you think that you would be able to live with the guilt of an abortion? And would you be able to live with this secret for the rest of your life? On the other hand would you be able to live with this child for the rest of your life? Would sweeping it under the rug be the best thing for everyone? You've just got to weigh all your options and make the best decision for urself, and those around you. Dont worry about what others will think of you. What the hell do they matter anyways? Just think about u and those u love and everything will fall into place.

Answer 11

GIVE IT LIFE!!!! PLEASE GIVE THE CHILD LIFE!!! Dont have an abortion. Its not fair a baby should be killed before it even has a chance to live. It may feel wrong but you are doing this for right reason. You may have messed up quite a bit, but if we are strictly talking about the child, then it does deserve life. Altho Its not right that the childs life was an accident. But he/she does deserve this life. You knew what the consequences were. Be the grown woman that you are and tend to your responsibilities. I think you are going to have to tell your best friend. You will live with a guilty conscience for the rest of the life until you tell her. If you try and lie to your best friend and say that you got with her man after they divorce she will most likely want nothing to do with you anymore. Im sorry to say that but thats the truth. But yes...please give that child life....

Please......