I like my friends, but they're shallow. What do I do?

Question

I have a group of friends who I really get along with well, and who have been good friends with me since I moved to NB, but the problem is they're all very shallow. All that they care about is partying, members of the opposite sex, drugs, clothes, and gossip. These issues seem small & petty to me, and they don't really fulfill my appetite.

I wish I had friends who were more interested in talking in-depth about politics, spirituality, literature, music and other issues. I go through a lot of strange crises involving a bigger picture and I have a hard time being fulfilled by this shallow teen party thing. I sometimes feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about bigger issues, and I don't mean to sound cocky but I sometimes feel like I am smarter than most of my friends so I have to get on their level to have a relationship, whilst they cannot always understand things I wish to explore.

I don't want to lose my friends, but what do I do to feel less alone and to satisfy my mind?

Also, I am starting in a new school next fall so I intend to make new friends while I am there. I should mention that when I do make friends who I relate to more, I do feel a bit embarrassed to introduce them to the friends I have now, so integrating new people into my group would be hard for me. Still, I do not want to lose or insult the friends I currently have, they have been loyal to me and I wish to stay loyal to them.

I think I may have given you a worse impression of my friends than I intended. They ARE friends. They care very much about my emotions and about making sure I am as happy and content as they can make me. It's just when I bring up a topic for discussion, often it gets dismissed with a 'You're too smart,' or 'I'm too dumb for that.' They aren't interested in the same subjects that I am and things I wonder about I often never get to discuss with people my own age, which does make me feel a little lonely and unfulfilled.

What I'm trying to say now is that my current friends are very loving, caring people who wish the best for me, and I share that with them. They do accept me as I am, it's just that they can't always understand what I'm trying to say or aren't interested in the same things. I guess sometimes it's like we have a language barrier and I am the foreigner.

Answer 1

Its okay to have friends that are a tad shallow. Its nice to sometimes only think about clothing and "just have fun". But I agree. It can be very unfulfillable. Use your party friends just as they are... to party with or shop with or gossip with. Join a book club / political group / volunteer. Basically get out and meet other people. You don't have to befriend everyone you meet... but you'll fulfill your desire for intelligible conversation as well as hopefull find someone with closer goals and desires than your current gang. Good luck!

Answer 2

Its a jump from the bandwagon to following your desires that dont focus on self gratification but rather the meaning of things. It can be lonely because these things require first the reading of material before you can discuss it with others. Hence partying is an instant social magnet because not much thinking is required.

Aristotle would say that the best type of potential friends are rare to find and even harder to meet. Yet we are social animals. The things you mentioned in the end, having everything to do with people.

My suggestion is, join other social groups. If you feel like the orginal group is unhappy about it, attend to them but with sorta a 3rd person detachment because you know what is important to you. In the long run, if you are not in college, then try it out because it offers a academic environment.

Edit: my friends know I have groups of friends. They would or should be accepting of that since you are at a new school. If anything, YA is a shortterm outlet (if you could see through all the hate, lol).

Answer 3

Friend
noun
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

If these people don't fit the description, maybe you need to find a different type of people to be friends with. Whats the point in having shallow friends if you are still feeling alone and empty?

Answer 4

i know you dont want to lose your friends but i think thats wat u have to do u probably are smarter than your friends, at least u sound like it. im glad that u realized that there is more to life than living in the moment you really do need to get ome new friends you could find that people hu have the same intrests as you are also as fun and are just as great as the friends you have now..but not so shallow

Answer 5

Stay on yahoo answers,or go to Myspace.com.
My mind works better, since i've become a member of Yahoo Answers.

Answer 6

Find REAL Friends Skippy

Answer 7

try to keep ur current friends away from ur new friends. that way u cant be embarassed. but u shouldnt be, because ur current friends are not ur real friends if u think they're not going to accept u for who you are.

Answer 8

Leave them.. progressive
Life changes, you change and friendships changes too !
Is a step to grow ... and have real fun with new people

Answer 9

get some other friends who you find "satisfying". you dont have to give up your current friends to make new ones.

Answer 10

you should let them know how you feel. and if they still act like that, try finding of your type. trust me i had lots of friends like that and they never changed.