After a lot of arguing, my husband finally told me that he has a flirting problem. He likes to flirt with girls. I don't like it. The things he says to these girls, in my opinion, are innapropriate and he admits if he caught me saying these same things he would leave me. I want our marriage to work but he just says that it is just the way he is and he can't change. We can't afford marriage counseling. I want to make this work and I think he does to but I can't trust him, and he doesn't give me a reason to. I don't believe in divorce but someone's got to give.
2007-06-10 11:25:33 · 30 answers · asked by Lady 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is counselling available that doesn't cost a lot, and sometimes it is free. Check your yellow pages, and make some phone calls. There's help out there. If your husband won't go with you, go by yourself. It's important.
2007-06-10 11:29:11 · answer #1 · answered by MOM KNOWS EVERYTHING 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lisa there are many churches who offer marriage counseling to outside non-members for free of charge. Get the phone book and just call around to some.
I agree there should not be a double standard here. Wither he does it or if you would do it, doesn't matter. The fact that He IS flirting with these other women is a big issue.
1- First and far most it is Disrespectful to you.
2- It hurts you and you shouldn't be made to feel bad.
3-It may be something that he does unintentional, but he can change and stop, saying that's the way I am and not doing anything about it because he says he can't, is A LOT of BULL!
Anyone can change what they do. Question is, Is your husband willing to change. Willing to recognize that this is what he does and willing to make the attempt not to do it.
I don't believe in divorce either. You need to talk to him and tell him how this makes you feel and see if he is willing to go to counseling. If he is then I would definitely go. Talking out any problem is better than ignoring it or shouting it out.
If he's not willing to go to counseling, then I would pray about it if you are a praying person. God can do anything. I'd really like to know how this turns out, so if you would keep us informed and if it's not too much trouble that would be great.
Best of wishes to you and your husband.
2007-06-10 19:04:14 · answer #2 · answered by mel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can't afford counseling, here's a freebie. He likes to flirt, you don't like it, he can't change, you don't trust him. 1st - 90% of all men are double standard anyway. They feel it's okay for them to visit the playground but when it's our turn to swing they yell foul. They won't even let us slide. They will however, let you play with their balls. You see what I saw. Some people think that flirting is innocent, survey says.... NOT! If you want your marriage to work you either gone have to learn how to play in the dirt and be miserable or make a choice that will make YOU happy. You can stay but how long you gone wait for him to grow up. Do you have to put YOU on hold until he decides okay I'm a REAL man now and I have a wife and I want my marriage to work. Think about it girl. Remember YOU have a life too. I wish you well.
Peace and Love
2007-06-10 18:49:12 · answer #3 · answered by moogles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call his bluff.
Next time he's flirting in an appropriate manner, leave the conversation and go over and start talking to another man. If it's out of his ear shot he won't even know what you are saying, much less if you are flirting, but make sure to smile a lot at the man and stare into the man's eyes with undivided attention. The point here is that you don't have to say a single flirtatious word, all you have to do is gaze at the man in a manner that your husband won't like.
He's not going to leave you over that, and you'd be foolish to believe he is. He can't have double standards, he's being very immature to believe he can.
It's not always wrong to give someone a taste of their own medicine.
If he asks why you walked away, tell him that you weren't interested in the flirtatious conversation he was having, so you decided to go talk to somebody else.
2007-06-10 18:33:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Churches usually supply very low cost marriage counseling if you think itll work. Unfortunately,it looks like the only person who has to give is you. Basically,hes telling you to love him for what he is or leave,so why the hell are you still here? He obvisiously doesnt care what you do and thats not good.Once the maritaltrust is damaged or completely destroyed, the marriage itself is in serious trouble and trust is a very hard thing to re-earn. Your belief is a damn good one but unfortunately,our society will tarnish that real quick. So now you must decide if youre better off with or without him and move on. Good luck
2007-06-10 18:40:10 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex was the same way. All the flirting finally ended with him flirting his way into an affair and he left and married the woman. Good riddance, I say. I am remarried to a wonderful man who never disrespects me like that. For every non-belief, there is a belief. So if you don't believe in divorce, then you must believe in being miserable. Not me. Life's too short. I'd move on. You can do so much better. Good luck to you.
2007-06-10 18:37:17 · answer #6 · answered by TwyztedChyck 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i do divorces for a living and i can tell you that you cannot and will not change someone else, no matter what. they may make changes for awhile but the basic personality is it. if your husband chooses to change, great but you cannot force him to. the only person you can change is yourself. you have to decide if this is something you can live with.
marriage counseling is over rated. i believe it only works when both people are willing to change enough to meet in the middle, regardless of the problem.
so, i guess since you dont believe in divorce, maybe you need to talk to someone to learn how to better deal with his personality and not let it bother you so much. otherwise, you will just spend the rest of your life miserable. sadly, a divorce would be less painful then being miserable, forever.
best of luck to you
2007-06-10 18:34:51 · answer #7 · answered by chantel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, there are places that you can go for marriage counselling that are free. Second, if you don't believe in divorce because of what the Bible says about divorce... then you are in for a treat. God clearly states that he hates divorce, unless infedility is involved. It also states that if you cheat on your spouse in your heart, that you have cheated in your mind. If you don't do something about him flirting, eventually, it will lead to sex. People don't just flirt... just to flirt. Good luck to you.
2007-06-10 20:37:32 · answer #8 · answered by mommy4two05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll be miserable for the rest of your life if you continue to let that man disrespect you like that. He knows you dont belive in divorce so he using that to his advantage. he may say he only flirts but you dont know how far hell take it. If you cant trust its not worth the aggravation. If you want to make it work look for a support group and get feedback from women in you position. They'll probably help you make a better decision.
2007-06-10 18:36:57 · answer #9 · answered by Jelly123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand not believing in divorce but if you don't like it you shouldn't have to put up with it.
You church could probably provide counseling for free. If not reconsider your feelings on divorce, it doesn't make you a bad person. I don't agree with giving up easy because every relationship has it's ups and downs but in order to have a relationship you need trust. You also should be married to somebody who understanding to what makes you uncomfortable.
2007-06-10 18:31:21 · answer #10 · answered by ~ ♥ ~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋