My marriage is runined...?

Question

me and hubby fell in love 6 yrs when we were at med school and got married....its been 2 yrs since we are married we keep fighting at times but each silly matter goes crazy and we end up talking all bad things...recently his parents visited...we did have a good time for a while and then all hell broke loose...they mistake me for everything...for a while my hubby seems to understand but after few days even he has started to mistake me and make a big deal...he had promised me that he wouldn't change no matter what but everything has gone upseide down...and i have been so angry lately and am noty able to express with him as there is no privacy at all...and on fri we had a huge fight infront of his parents...and it went evry ugly...he swore..i swore ....and now he was asking emt o get the hell out from him house and his life....and we had to go out for a outing for 2 days as soon as the fight...previous commintments and he treated me like a dirt....infront of everyone...i was mad...

but afterf a while i started to feel bad...i spoke to my folks who stay in another coountry...and they r upset and they want to talk to my hubby...but i don't want any negotiations....my inlaws r leaving in few days and everyone treats me like dirt...all these days my hubby treated me like a princess and now they said lot of things behind my back to him and he told me all those and i got very bad and was hostile to my inlaws.not in a bad way just was very reserved.......i am so soso upset...
we have fought like cats and dogs before but never we have reached this level...and each time we get back and try to be better...i love him for sure but am veryt mad and upset and i don't think i deserved what he said...do u think we should work it out??
how i trust him again?how can we both forgive eachother???
i don belive in divorces but i aloe belive that marriages r made in heaven and its for life...
any advices r appreciated...
thnaks...

yes i will update all u lovely people on what happens....thanks for all the support and prayers...

hi everyone...so far i am keeping busy with my work..i did miss him but when i remebered all the things i got mad again....his folks were commenting soemthing abt me..abt divorce and everything but i don't want to confront them....am just trying to be busy...i seriosuly don't want to make any more mistake from now on...am ready t5o move if its meant to be...
thanks again for support...will update u guys time aNDagain...
thanks

Answer 1

so you got into a fight and kept at it until it involve the in laws. And why was it a surprise that they sided with their son? You need to think about counsoling or divorce.

Answer 2

Okay first off, you need to take a deep breath. Okay, done? You need to sit down and have a heart to heart. I am assuming you are both intelligent people as you say you both were in med school (love marriage?). I don't think I would be in such a hurry to abandon your husband or your home. You have a two year investment in this marriage. Give him a day or two after his parents leave and then have your talk. If he continues to be verbally abusive towards you and/or isn't willing to compromise on whatever issues you uncover, you may need to get out of that place for a while until you can sort things out.

I do agree with you regarding your parents. You as an individual should not be part of a 'negotiation' and there should be none of it. Negotiations in a relationship is usually ironed out during the dating period. But your husband should realise how special you are. He did after all marry you.

Always good to see parents, yet sometimes it is better to see them......................go

Nobody has the right to treat you like dirt especially your husband. And you for sure do not need to accept it if he does. I know divorce is a dirty word over there, but nevertheless sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

While it is true that many marriages are made in heaven, many others need to go thru hell before they get there. I wish you well and the best of luck to you. Let us all know how you make out. :)

Oh, and tell your husband to grow up and act like a man instead of a spoiled pre-pubescent brat!

Answer 3

First of all if you love him, don't write the marriage off just yet. His parents need to go home. When they come to visit they need to stay in a hotel not your house. This is your personal space and they are invading any longer than a few days. Ignore the things that his parents are saying about you the relationship is built on the two of you. Keep the parents out of it it will only make things ten times worse. If you are willing to work at your marriage then you should explain the things that hurt you to him and if he is understanding then you have something to work on, if not and he is fighting for his parents then you might have a tough job on your hands and it may not be worth it. If he is understanding then I would say that he loves you very much and puts you above anyone and that is a great feeling.

Answer 4

It is a clear case of disrespect to one another. Fights are always there, Love too is in place, but it has to come out. We swear when we are angry. That needs to be sidelined once the fight is over, make up/patch up and get along. Any one, either the husband or the wife has to say sorry for whatever happened reconcile and live happily ever after. These minor squabbles should not become marriage breakers, they should be to understand each other, is my opinion. So, respect each other, understand each other, love each other and accord the back seat to the fights you have over trivial matters, do not prolong say sorry and patch up. And remember you should be sorry about the whole stuff from the depth of your heart and never ever repeat the same again. Peace breeds love while anger breeds hatred, shun anger and lead a happy life. I feel anger has no place between a man and a woman, it should be love, love and love all along.

Answer 5

Don't divorce! Get counseling. You two need to learn to fight about trivialities without loosing respect for each other. Life is not a bowl of cherries, but if you play by rules, then even the rough spots can be smoothed over. No name calling and cheap shots about the other during a fight. Just the facts about the situation. Don't go digging up the past or you'll never get through the present. Good luck.

Answer 6

You should try talking to him without losing control over your anger in front of a relative or a friend.I don't know the reason of your fight,do't mind,but i'm having a feeling that the love b/w you two wasn't real love.I think your inlaws don't like you much & they are trying to influence your hubby against you & if this is so then it means your hubby never tried to understand you.You are a mature person ,you should be able to take good decisions about your life.If you decided to marry him then you must try to put with him .But if it's really getting too difficult then you should go for a divorce.

Answer 7

first of all u plz keep patience. since u both love each other frm 6 years so, to save ur relationship u should keep patience and believe in the power of ur love and u should not let ur in laws hamper ur relationship. now is the time to do the following.
i) from today keep ur attitude reserved (not proudy).
ii) don't get irritated if ur husband and ur inlaws try to irritate u.control ur feelings.
iii) do ur daily chores as usual and behave as if u r just there to do ur daily duties.(this will prick ur husband's conscious)
iv) even after ur in-laws are gone don't discuss those things with ur husband and behave normally.
v) do not show interest in physical relation (sex) ,even if ur husband asks for it ,avoid it in a manner which doe'snt hurt him.e.g say that u r not feeling well or u r feeling depressed etc.
vi) limit ur talks with ur husband .talk only those things which are necessary. ignore him slightly.

all these things will prick his conscious and (within month)he will urself ask u whats the problem,and now this is the time when u keep ur points (but very very politely) .and u will see u will get him again and permanently.but my friend u will have to be very very careful and patient while doing these things . the more u keep silent the more early it will work. plz do tell me how it worked on my id its [e-mail]. i will wait for ur reply friend. all the best and god bless u.

Answer 8

With what you have written, we are already aware what is going to happen. But I pray God that its doesn't happen.

Well Lady, do you really know what Marriage is?

Me thinks that Marriage is a cart wherein both the wheels should simultaneously move so that the cart runs smoothly.

Reading about you, I strongly feel that you need to CHANGE yourself a lot. I don't say that your hubby is a perfect person. Nobody is perfect. When you live with somebody, you need to adjust a lot and learn to ACCEPT things most of the times. Seems to me that you are a short tempered girl. Please correct yourself before its too late. Learn, Improvise, Accept, Adapt and try to live a meaningful life instead of losing heart and spoiling it.

Pray, believe and have faith in God and he will show you the way. God bless you.

Answer 9

This question is upside down. I'm sorry but I don't really have a clue what you are talking about...your grammar is so bad that it is hard to follow and I just don't know what you are talking about.

I think you are saying your hb is a verbally abusive A-hole and you want to know if you should stay? We can't answer that. You can.

The answer is easy...it's a yes or no question...YES/NO:

Do you want to live the rest of your life with a verbally abusive A-hole? Yes, then stay and don't ever complain again. No, then pack your things and move out. It's very simple. Now go make a decision....hopefully the right one.

Answer 10

Go to a neutral place. And sit down and just talk about what each of you want, your hopes and dreams. And the in laws should have no say so. You two are the ones who are married. Make it understood to them that you guys are in this together and you will not except and negative input no more. Make sure you both won't let the in laws interfere anymore. you both deserve to be happy.

Answer 11

Sorry to hear it. Leave alone the mistakes done.ITs very clear that it has ur in-laws written all over it.Its nautral that we fight in our early years. U say ur parents are in another country. Try taking ur husband with u. Doctors are welcome in any country. I dont say go and settle there but for a few months stay with ur parents. They wont fuel the fight but try to knock some sense into both of u that way u both would realise where u went wrong. My advice, send ur in-laws back, if u want to work out ur marriage kick ur ego out. Just dont talk back whatever they or ur husband says. Just apologise to him. ok. Above all i think its ur work pressure that make u both mad. Ok. Take off for sometime.Try and convince ur husband and take him to ur parents place.Change of scene would definitely help.Take care dear. Good luck.