Please read this poem, it was very difficult to write.?

Question

Altar boy


The smell of incense still revolts,
dragging me back to the day.
Of deep dark secrets, never to be spoke,
under the threat of ridicule and pain.

An altar boy I was one time.
my grandparents so proud,
Roman catholics, both of them,
the preisthood, surely I'd be called.

But in the darkness of the church,
evil lurks, with no escape.
Don't you talk to anyone,
not even to your parents, not even to God.

I knew it wrong, I was ashamed,
I tried to tell my parents.
I got not help, no sympathy,
just punished, for my penance.

My lifes been hard, I carry this
every place I've tried to go.
I speak these words, not with malice,
But to get it off my chest.

If it can happen to a boy like me,
It can happen to the rest.
Retribution will not cure me,
letting this agony go just might.


I, like many hundred if not thousands were abused, molested and raped by priests in the 60s. I've never ever publicly stated this, let this be my testimony and confession

This occurred at St Francis of Assissi Catholic chrch in los Angeles California. The part that hurts the most was not being believed and being punished because at that time priests could do now wrong. As we all know now, how wrong parents were.

This occured in 1963. I was born in 1958, and I was 5 years old. I had just recieved my first communion when this all began. I've lived with this for 43 years and up til this daythe only women that I've told had been my mom, my grandmother and my wife. My mom and grand mom didn't believe and punished me. Luckily my wife believed and saved my life many times.

common sense 2265,

Yes I was warned about certain people but never my own priest, In the 60's nobody believed that this was happening. Even when I went to my parents I was punished for saying such thing against a man of God. So, sometimes it's not the evil outside you have to watch for, it's the evil you trust.

Answer 1

I know that writing this took a lot of courage, Steve. I hope it's given you some peace of mind. I was an altar girl too. We had a couple of priests, and one of them abused an altar boy from a different church. Luckily I was not involved and didn't know about it until a few years later when he was caught. I'm sorry for all the shame and suffering you endured.
"The smell of insense still revolts" ...absolutely.

Answer 2

How do you feel now Steve? It's no longer a secret. You have publicly put the blame where it belongs. However, you need not to confess because you didn't commit any crime against another human being. Put blame where it belongs and let it stay there. Rape and molestation also happens outside the mighty Catholic church. Priests were protected more so in the 60's. Slowly, they are being dragged out of their hiding long gowns. Sick cult with robes. Now take a trip as an adult back to that time except this time say no. Trust me it is liberating. As a child you could not say no, but as an adult you can. The adult in you will protect you. That rotten SOB can't ever hurt you again.

Answer 3

Only thing is you are writing in iambic pentameter which usually rhymes, so it seemed to not flow without rhyme. . Add some syllables here and there. Or make it rhyme but slightly. You were able to do this in the following stanza (parents and penance), and it was really effective:

I knew it wrong, I was ashamed,
I tried to tell my parents.
I got not help, no sympathy,
just punished, for my penance.

So here's how you can slightly alter another stanza to keep that pattern:

My lifes been hard, I carry this
every place I've tried to go.
I speak these words, not with malice,
But as catharsis. (instead of, "But to get it off my chest.")

Just my thoughts. Great topic for a poem, but I am sorry you had this experience.

Answer 4

Stunned. The Christian Church even to this day is denying and covering up. In Ireland, as well as the usual sexual abuse, they ran slave labour laundries staffed by unmarried mothers. You can hardly put that one down to a few rotten apples. About time the whole crooked shebang was sold off to compensate the victims around the world. If I was you Steve I would post this question everyday of my life in the Yahoo religion section as a warning to those who would leave their sons and daughters alone with these mumbo jumbo merchants

Answer 5

Testimony? Yes. Confession? No. You have nothing to "confess." You were abused by an adult in a position of authority. That you were not believed in not at all unusual.

I dated a man in the early seventies who grew up in Venice, Italy. He, too, was an altar boy. He, too, was raped by a priest. According to him, all the altar boys were.

Abuse of children, by priests is nothing new, and is not limited to any country, or even any century.

I believe you.

I am sorry for your pain.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

When you were a child, you reacted as a child. Now that you are a man, do what you will and can to heal yourself. It was not your fault. Let that evil person's doings go. Do what is best for you -to be the best you that you can be from this day forward. Get some help if you need it. Carry no shame. You are whole! From this day forward, enjoy your life.... and God Bless.

Answer 8

This is good and probably cathartic. It is so sad to see but it is part of our earthly experience. Our parents were really up on child molestation and we were raised in the 50's. Yes as children adults approached us but we ran to our parents and they always believed and took care of it. They also warned us to stay away from certain people as they heard rumors, and lo and behold years later it all came out...I know what it means to be approached but I ran like hell...being forewarned was a plus. I pray for peace for your soul also meditate and see the good that has been in your life and that will ease the pain.

Answer 9

Bravo, Steve!

Posting both the poem and your explanations took enormous courage. You have taken a HUGE step toward a happier future.

We should never forget the past, but we CAN come to terms with it. You may well find that change is slow in coming (or MAYBE NOT) but your writing has opened the door!
§

Answer 10

Steve, are you serious? You were only like, 2 or so in 1960. The oldest you could of been was 7 or so in mid 1960's. Now, are you honestly writing this, or are you writing from a child's memoir?