if you spent over nine years protecting yourself from the heart break of relationships because of what your ex-spouse has done to you and finially open your heart to someone only for them to do the same thing to you? I'm very confused about how to feel right now. I don't know if I should be happy, sad, or mad as hell at her. Why can't people just do all the things they say and not lead others on?
2007-06-10 08:41:39 · 13 answers · asked by lifescircle 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
awwww I'm sorry, you seem like a really nice guy. I think your very Strong and its mean of her to do that to you. I think you should be upset but don't let your emotions get the best of you
2007-06-10 08:49:04 · answer #1 · answered by Telly-Of-War 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nine years is a really long time to avoid relationships. You may not like my answer but I am speaking from personal experience. If you have never dealt with the issues from the first relationship, you will keep repeating the same thing over and over. You need some new tools and you can get that with counseling. Even though your first partner and second partner seemed different, what was it about their personalities that seemed the same? Counseling can help you move on and have better relationships. At the time these men all seemed different to me but I kept getting into the same kind of relationships. I kept picking men who couldn't commit and would cheat on me. After counseling, I eventually ended up with a really wonderful person and am still with him over 11 years later. It took some work and I needed to deal with some issues but I'm MUCH happier for all the work I put into changing my relationships! My husband turned out to be nothing like the men in my previous relationships. I was even engaged once before I married my present husband. There ARE good relationships out there. We just sometimes need a little help in finding the right partner for us.
2007-06-10 15:56:11 · answer #2 · answered by amyaz_98 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Falling in love is easy----STAYING in love is NOT.....who knows why two people, who THINK they've found each other, break things off? Who knows who you MIGHT have found for yourself had you opened your heart SOONER in that 9 year period between relationships..... People don't come with guarantees.... maybe you just picked the same kind of woman as you did that other time you were hurt? All women aren't like that ---but some ARE more like that then others..... don't give up on the entire female population just because you had TWO in your life who were hurtful.... There IS someone out there for you----but you can't shut yourself off for another 9 years....what a waste of time that is. All relationships are trial and error... and if you try and it doesn't work out, you dust yourself off and go out there again and again and again until the right one comes along---and she WILL!!! Everyone gets hurt... no one is immune to it.... but the trick is to NOT LET IT GET TO YOU.... I would bet that if you were to take a poll (even in HERE), you'd find out that everyone will have 2 or 3 or MORE stories about how some guy or girl hurt them... ...and, you'd probably find that 95% of THOSE people who hung in there and kept looking, FINALLY found the one who was TRULY for them.... without the hurts in your life, you would never learn how to appreciate it when it stops hurting, don't give up.... she's out there waiting for you to find her... and you WILL if you don't give up.
2007-06-10 16:02:25 · answer #3 · answered by LittleBarb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great question you have ask...I am so sorry about the heart break..give it a year then try again.That was the best advice someone gave me,after the same thing happen to me.Don't let this get you down,when you least expect it the right one will come along sweep you off your feet,you will not be able to stop anything,like the school boy feelings you use to have...
Best of Luck !!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-06-10 15:54:16 · answer #4 · answered by Ftprintz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are just out there looking for an easy mark. don't just take their word for it, some just like seeing haw far they can lead a donkey with out a rope. Don't always go with your gut on this.Talk to your friend and hers they will have a better insight then you do, you are like me . you see the good in everyone except yourself. Think before you leap next time . remember self preservation and confidence comes first. It is in all of us , just try to tap into yours first.
2007-06-10 15:54:32 · answer #5 · answered by luvrmoney 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you have a tendency to go back to the same kind of women that use and abuse you. Try to think about what you're goals are in your relationships...are you trying to make THEIR lives better at the expense of your own happiness, then once you do they leave? It's a nasty cycle, but you can get out of it if you recognize that it's happening.
2007-06-10 15:46:00 · answer #6 · answered by Luvitall 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People tend to be attracted to the same types. You need to identify the common "thing" that your 2 ex's had (and probably all your ex's). That trait is the one you need to be on the lookout for, when you see that in the next person you are dating, run - far and fast!
2007-06-10 15:45:34 · answer #7 · answered by ramman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that your hurting.
We've all been hurt by someone we loved.
And as hard as it may be you need to let go of them and the hurt they caused you and move on.
It may take awhile but you'll find the right one eventually!!!!
2007-06-10 15:45:14 · answer #8 · answered by princessfionafantasy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you I've been asking this question for years now, maybe that's why I'm in divorce court now, put up or shut up!!!!
2007-06-10 15:49:55 · answer #9 · answered by kim t 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
relieved that it happened now instead of after getting married.
2007-06-10 15:46:50 · answer #10 · answered by nickle 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋