Men i need your opinion on my husbands behaviour..please??

Question

My husband and I have separated. I moved out yesterday into my sisters for the week as she is on holiday and the arguments and fights were just getting worse. He decided to end the marriage and has blamed me and hurt me terriblly including verbal and physical harm. He threatened to seek custody of our son, even though he knows this would kill me. So i moved out hoping it would give me peace and the space he has craved away from me. Well i have only been away 1 night and his attitude has changed. He cam onto messenger saying how sorry he was and he never meant for this to happen. Then told me to come back home and to just put our relationship on hold but to live together. Surely if he doesnt want me he would be happy that i am making moves to separate? His behaviour confuses me and after the way he has been this past month, to suddenly ask me back home..what is that meant to mean?

Answer 1

I'm not a man but I've had experience working with couples who have gone through your situation. The behavior you are describing and the fact that he has engaged in both physical and verbal abuse should send up red flags for you that say watch out. Men who engage in domestic violence will often do and say things in order to retain all the control in their relationships. Ex. threatening to take your son away from you. Normally you will be able to see a pattern of this type of behavior throughout your relationship. This behavior often increases over time. They will manipulate situations to make you think you are the one at fault or responsible for events that happen. The only time you see any kind of accountability is when they feel they are loosing their control. EX. apologizing for his behavior when you left. They will do this in order to get you back to where they want so he can continue to be in control you. You made a smart choice to leave and I think you need to take this time to think about whether you should risk any more in this relationship. If he does anything which scares you like sending threating IM's copy them, call the police and get a restraining order. If the mother has an order of protection the children are also usually listed on this. It wouldn't look good for him if he did try to file for custody.

Answer 2

Sounds like he does not know what he wants. Tell him you both need some space, and a little time to figure out what you both want. Then if things are better tell him there will have to be some changes. Do not ever put up with someone hurting you (verbal or physical). Men should never hit a woman. Good luck, if he has hurt you you should not have too much to worry about involving custody of your child, simply make sure the abuse is documented and pictures go a long way.

Answer 3

Hi
I am not a man- well i wasn't the last time i looked- but your situation rings bells. I had a husband who was violent and abusive. We split several times and everytime we split he would be so remorseful and we would get back together- then a few weeks down the line it would all start again- only he would be worse because he would make me pay for the split. I ended up with a breakdown, escaping after he tried to kill me and i lost my kids to him. You are free now- build yourself some self esteem and a new life. You cannot go back and put a relationship on hold- thats silly-its not fair on any of you. You still have issues that will remain until you either sort them out or leave for good.

Answer 4

My opinion is that your husbands behaviour is unacceptable. You do have options to consider many are mentioned above by other respondents. Tell your husband this is a major life event for you, your son, and your husband this is why it so important that you both need to take a little time out to seek out expert advise, talk to some valued friend or family member, so whatever you finally decide is in your best interests and your sons. I wish you well, today is the start of the rest of your life !

Answer 5

I hope you can sort all this out for the sake of your son but if he has hit you then he will again so get you and your son well away from him and don,t worry he will never get custody of your son he is talking rubbish, If he treatens you again call the Police as you and your son deserve to be looked after propley and your son needs to be loved and looked after so do it for your son, And i,m sorry to hear about your problems i hope you can soon have a better life for you and your son, Good luck

Answer 6

you must realize first of all that once a man physically or verbally abuses his partner and is forgiven he WILL do it again. Proven statistical fact. and it will get worse each time.

next almost every time a couple seperates one of them will make every promise under the sun to change after they realize they screwed up... it never holds true.

next you must report the abuse to the police even if there are no charges pressed so there is something on record for when it happens again... and it will happen again... also put in your statement that he htreatened to take your children so that when it comes to court it will be on record. trust me on that one form personal experience with my wife and her ex.

next... he will threaten to take the kids etc, and any other threat he can think of to try to CONTROL you if he thinks it will work. he's is looking for control, whether you or he realize it or not.

seek LEGAL council on how to ensure you maintain legal custody. find out the laws for where you are. usually once you have documented/reported physical abuse he cant get custody.

lastely... no woman deserves to be beaten or struck physically in any way... ever, for any reason... not even verbally belittled in any way. thats not love its hatred and control. you just dont do that to peole you love.

you deserve better. respect yourself and your children. dont stay with this loser another second longer than you have to. stay away from him and dont give him the time of day.

move on with your life. you and your chiuldren deserve better.

God bless and good luck

Answer 7

First off, you should file for divorce on grounds of physcial and mental cruealty. File for Total child custody along with financial support from him. He is attempting to be controlling. You need to take control. He may seek custody of your child. Unless you've given him some leverage the best he can hope for is for the two of you to have equal custody while the childs permanent residence is with you. Don't be bullied. See an attorney.

Answer 8

You need to be very strong, you do not take any physical abuse at all !!!! stay away for the week, see how you feel, but if you decide to go back then lay down some rules, if he oversteps the mark even once, move out again this time for good,

Answer 9

Men are from Mars...Women from Venus...who knows what it means, he probably doesn`t even know himself!
I would take the week to evaluate your feelings for each other, tell him you both need the space to think about were you go from here....you cannot have your son see his father harm you physically the way he has done. If you decide to try again start by courting each other and learning to respect and love each other again....all too often we take our loved one`s for granted.

Answer 10

Don't be fooled. If he has hurt you he will do it again. If you do go back with him keep a diary (where he will not find it) of what he does to you. He needs you as some sort of emotional crutch which is why he is trying to control you. Allow him controlled access to his son as long as the boy wants it. Then, find a good man they are out there you know. Good luck.