I don't like to change people but he watches a lot of porn and erases the history but sometimes forgets and I see what he has looked at. I tried to tell him we can get movies and watch together and he won't. I don't think he masterbates to it and I told him it wouldn't bother me so much if he didn't try to hide it. He won't talk at all to me about it and when we do our deed, he closes his eyes and seems to go into another world making me think he is picturing what he saw? Any advise please?!?!
2007-06-10 06:26:28 · 15 answers · asked by yepyep 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We share a computer and he has all access to it and knows how to get around blocks. We have talked and like I said he won't listen and continues to go behind my back.
2007-06-10 06:33:08 · update #1
your hubby needs some help...mentally ok?? some men do this but its not normal behavior when youve been together along time living together and or married..if i was you id tell him your not going to tolerate this anymore and leave him if he doesnt quit..he seems to be tryign to sneak around about watching porn which is scarier yet..see the porn hes looking at and if its children or other sick **** then id tell him..it stops or you leave...simple as that..in a marriage aman doenst act this way..not normal and not normal for the wife to have to put up with this and not leave if he doesnt get help..talk to you as well as whats going on with him and also quit watching the crap..hugsss sweattie and GOD bless
2007-06-10 06:32:17 · answer #1 · answered by bettym 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn opens the door to the sin of lust. No one should watch it. You better be watching his email, IM's and chat room talk, cause next he will be trying to find a willing partner to commit on line adultery with, cyber sex and then he may set up a meeting so he can go do it in the flesh.
Go to 'On line infidelity' there is a wealth of info on the subject, plus it will give you several different options for monitoring all his actions on the computer.
Porn is an addiction, he doesn't want to discuss it with you because he knows it is wrong and he feels guilty, but he wants to keep doing it anyway, because he gets cheap thrills from it.
Don't let him keep doing what upsets you. Throw the CPU or the modem to the curb. It may come to that. Your marriage or the Internet.
2007-06-10 06:35:47 · answer #2 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Guys who like porn like it because it's sexually gratifying. I would suspect that he does pleasure himself when he watches. A number of people tend to think it's OK as it doesn't hurt anyone. The truth is that it does. It hurts everyone. Really, it's no different than cheating with a live woman. He gets sexually satistfied by living out his fantasies with dozens of young sexy women 24 hours a day, imagining sexual acts that he can do with somebody else, not with you. It makes sex mechanical and strips away the emotional bonding that couples share. You're already noticing that he might be having sex with you , yet dreaming about somebody else. It's a real problem and very difficult to work through.
2007-06-10 06:44:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
oh boy, here we go again...
yes, he masturbates to it most likely. that's the main reason guys watch it, although not all. If you check the history of when he is watching it, it most likely is when he is pretty sure that you aren't going to come barging into the room.
the fact that he lies, keeps it a secret, and that it has to be something he does alone tells you that he views it as his secret sexual world--a type of infidelity for him.
One thing you can do immediately is keep telling him that you would prefer he looked at you during sex, instead of keeping his eyes closed. But you can't make him do that either.
Sure...if he watches a lot of porn, he is definitely using those images in the bedroom. He could even try not to, but they are going to pop up in his mind simply because he is exposing himself to porn so often.
You have two choices...only two.
1) let him do what he wants and ignore it
2) have an all out battle on it, because he is going to be stubborn as can be about discussing it openly.
Ask him to go to therapy. I keep suggesting this whenever this problem pops up in this forum (daily) because he will lie and be evasive to you, but he can't do that in a therapists office.
The first thing you need to do is to get him to open up on the subject, and I see therapy as the only method of doing that.
2007-06-10 06:36:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn is addictive. The only way people seem to fight or recognize an addiction is when their loved ones tell them that things are falling apart between them and that its ruining the relationship....Give him some kind of ultimatum, but only you must decide what that will be. Before you decide to give him one, tell him what its doing to you and how it makes you feel as his wife...Tell him what you've even done to "fix things". You mentioned that you ask him if you two could watch it together....At least you tried right? Tell him and remind him of all these things--put it in his conscience. Good Luck!
2007-06-10 06:34:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He probably feels a little bit ashamed of it if he is going to the lengths of erasing what he has watched!!! Maybe its so hard core he wouldnt want you to see it because he realises you wouldnt like it, so he is kind of protecting you from this side of his fantasies. A lot of people men and women watch porn and probably wouldnt want to talk about it either as it feels like something bad.
2007-06-10 06:41:09 · answer #6 · answered by Magster 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He obviously has a problem with porn. He may be addicted- and like all addictions- unless HE WANTS to stop, he won't.
You can nag, threaten, harass or withhold sex but nothing will work if he doesn't want to.
Counseling or therapy is the only way to go....or praying and asking God to help you both out. But remember, you can change NO ONE but yourself.
2007-06-10 07:11:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, well you know before reading this I was going to say - why don't you just ask him to share it with you. So he wouldn't have to be so secretive about it. But now after seeing that you've done that, I don't really know what to tell you other than - Have a heart to heart with him about how it REALLY makes you feel.
I think you're more upset that he tries to hide it from you, than that he looks at it.
I'd make sure he's aware of that.
Good luck!
2007-06-10 06:30:55 · answer #8 · answered by starbucksismygod 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There has to be some kind of 12 step program to send him to. He is addicted to porn.
2007-06-10 06:33:42 · answer #9 · answered by Mr. Ed 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Makek your own web site - duplicate the pictures he looks at but with you as the model - and him as the only password and person able to enter. Give him the site and password as a present.
If he likes it - at least he's watching you
If he doesn't like it - then you can confront him
2007-06-10 06:30:32 · answer #10 · answered by Uncle John 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋