I was the one left.She was short and conciese."I want a divorce" I had so many questions,the whys and what if's.She just shut down and moved on emotinally.All i wanted was to have a sit down eye to eye heart to heart conversation.She wouldn't even give me that.Now i have moved out of state and she changed the phone numbers and won't respond to emails.She was a bit of a control freak,she knows it gives her power by not responding to me,and leaving me wondering.I hate her for the way she give me the silent treatment,i feel she owes me much more than that.I was a good husband,never cheated,never even considered it.I was a good provider and friend.I have friends that give me more respect.I just wanted closure,but she left me hanging.
2007-06-10 06:05:20 · 13 answers · asked by Rodger M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Use the same skills for accepting when someone has died. There are 5 stages to grief, read this article: http://seniorliving.about.com/od/lifetransitionsaging/a/grieving.htm
Just as when someone dies, you don't have the answers you want, or the closure, or the conversations. Your ex has no desire to converse with you, so it is very similar.
Accepting and grieving are necessary for you to move on with your life.
Then you can start focusing on your future instead of your past. DREAM! Make plans. Picture a future. Imagine that new life. Look forward instead of backwards.
Time doesn't heal all wounds, but having a different focus does...Good luck!
2007-06-10 06:16:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about this..It's hard to move on without proper closure.
People don't realize it's different when you are the "dumper" and when you are the "dumpee" ...In this case, you are the "dumpee".
If you think you need the closure, then perhaps you should talk about your feelings with a professional therapist. Good friends might help you feel less burdened, too. You have to understand you need time to move on; and you need to give yourself space and time to let go of negative feelings like anger, hurt, and revenge.
People are different, so what worked for someone else may or may not help you. (Perhaps the way she dealt with moving on was this way: to cut off all contact. ) You have to respect and accept this; but work on your issues so you can heal and find a better person next time. Good luck!
2007-06-10 13:19:41 · answer #2 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In answer to your Question...I felt relieved actually...he had by that time destroyed any feelings I had left. I wanted him out of my life.
As far as you're concerned though, I feel men handle breakups worse than women. We seem to be able to get over them easier. So I feel for you, but you had closure from her when she asked for a divorce. It doesn't matter why she wanted it.
I know you don't understand, but I would say she didn't tell you why because she obviously could not fault you and the blame is in her court.
Maybe she is feeling guilty about something. She may have a new man and does not want to hurt you further. Obviously she wants out for whatever reason. But it's over.
Please stop torturing yourself by trying to understand, as the truth may hurt more. Just get on with your life and try and be glad that there hasn't been a scene.
It's no good trying to hang on to someone who does not love you. You deserve better. I'm sure with your qualities you will have no trouble finding a new lady. Good luck!
2007-06-10 13:43:21 · answer #3 · answered by Chatterbox 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately the person who leaves you has already gone through the stages that they need to reach the decision of finishing the relationship, so the person left alone will have the horrible time of trying to figure out what went wrong and why they were left that way!!! So sorry to hear that you have been wronged in this way. But what helped me when I got divorced although I was the one who filed for divorce, because he pushed me by the way he behaved basically, "long story won't go into that now, suffice it to say there was a total communication break down" but I had just had a baby, she was only 7, so I saw a councilor to help me deal with it and one of the things I really liked was to write a letter to him and just say all that I wanted to day to him even though I didn't send it., just writing down all the things that bothered me helped me move on with my life. almost 7 years later now, I feel like I can be in charge of my own life and I have closure, I know I tried all I could to keep our marriage from breaking down so I have no self-blame and no regrets. Good luck with finding your own closure and good luck with getting to a point where you can walk up right and have confidence in yourself and just completely put her out of your mind, so she stops putting you down and your spirit can soar free :)
2007-06-10 13:18:27 · answer #4 · answered by piano19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might feel she owes you something, but obviously she doesn't. Consider the source. You married a nasty woman. She was probably having an affair long before she wanted out and she moved on way before she got a divorce. It's going to take awhile for you, but you will heal. Try to think about your future and let the past be the past.
2007-06-10 13:11:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
its common to feel desperate..yeah she owes you an explanation and a whole lot more..but the thing is if you spend the rest of your life chasing her you will never find the one who is right for you...give her space quit calling e-mailing she will get the pic that you really just dont care anymore and might then be willing to talk..i can honestly say from experiece that you even if you do get the answers you are seeking they arnt going to be the ones you want to hear.
2007-06-10 13:13:16 · answer #6 · answered by me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a divorce is for the best, she absolutely has no respect for your feelings and shes selfish and controlling. Dont think of it as being hopeless, think of it at hope renewed, now youre free to find someone who appreciates your qualities. Dont worry about her, karma will put her in a headlock.
Good Luck.
2007-06-10 13:13:22 · answer #7 · answered by Elle777 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, but the hopelessness eases up.............. She probably had an affair like me 1st wife. They just loose their mind and go crazy. Don't go chase her down, she's not worth it. You deserve better. Read the book "tough love" by Dr. James dobson. the first few chapters will give you a little insight on what you don't know.
2007-06-10 14:00:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mine like to blame on that I'm sick all the time, because he doesn't want to admit he's with another women. It's not right how she doing you, but you can't make her talk. I still feel like I'm in a bad dream and pray it ends soon. I will put you in my prayers.
2007-06-10 13:24:44 · answer #9 · answered by PENNY M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have friends who give you more respect. Go to them. Cry with them. Don't let the sorry excuse for person who has done this waste any more of your time.
I am truly sorry to hear you had this experience. It should be a crime.
*HUG*
2007-06-10 13:16:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋