I need help with with my husband, I am at my wits end, what to do?

Question

My husband and I have been having problems for quite some time now. He has a 15 year old boy from his first marriage and I have been the mother in his life since he was 7 years old. My husband seems to think that because his son has reached the teen years that it is not acceptable to spank him so he allows basically for him to do and say what he wants when he wants. I see that he is just taking the easy way out. Every time he does something wrong and I say something about it it gets turned around on me like it is my fault. lately my husband has gotten to calling me names in front of his son and then telling his son to not listen to me as well. I am at my wits end last night we had an arguement over him telling his son not to listen to me and my husband grabbed me by my neck and called me a stupid *****. I am having a very hard time dealing with this, I have already told him to leave but he won't.Please I just need to know what would be the easiest & legal way to get him out of my house

Answer 1

First, what worries me is that he has begun abusing you. Grabbing you by the neck? Wow. Go speak to an attorney immediately. Because you have been married for some time, there may be an issue with having HIM leave. The attorney may be able to help you with some interim issues legally until you can seal the deal and divorce him. What's worse is him teaching his son it's okay to disrespect and abuse women. Obviously, you know that...you are wanting him to leave. Let me say this...CONGRATULATIONS for being strong enough to not stand for it. Every woman should be proud of you.

Answer 2

If you need to spank a child after he or she is about 5 years old there is a problem. May I assume that he behaves badly. May I ask did he come to you aqnd behave in such a way when he was 7? What have you been doing for the past 8 years? If you smack a 15 year old you risk being beaten up by him. Have you always used smacking as a form of negotiation? I am no liberal but I don't think I smacked my kids more than half a dozen times in their lives. We had a few rules to sort things out. No punishment if they were exhausted and the bad behavior was caused because their wheels had fallen off. Three strikes rule (one is a warning two is next one is a smack and three is a smack), punishment went from smack (can't reason with a 3 year old) to being sent to room. Also all threats were carried out in order to establish this is not a negitiating position this is the law. No lying.
It sounds to me like the problem you have is with your husband and not with your stepson as you state things have been bad for a long time. get some marriage counselling as it sounds like you are heading for a divorce. There is no way parents should give different signals to their kids or the kid will play you like a game of table football - and you will be the ball. Good luck.

Answer 3

If he wont leave and you want an end to the relationship, than YOU leave. But dont forget the kid is still yours in a pretty big way. If his bio mom hasnt been in the picture than your all he knows as a mom and that shouldnt change, the seperation is with his dad.
He is too old to be spanked and actually spanking IS an easy way out. Its much easier than taking real measures to solve the problems yourhaving with him. Hitting isnt going to bring real solutions to light, it only vents the anger and frustration behind it. Im not compoletely knocking you, I do it too from time to time but its not the answer.
Your husband sounds like he really dosent respect you. Im not in the marriage so Im not taking sides. I dont think its okay for him to tell his son not to listen to you when he's had to for so long, unless your husband has good reason, like maybe your abusive, this I dont know, you do.
Bottom line is the marriage dosnt appear to be a healthy one so a seperation at least would be a good idea. Im assuming youve exhausted other options.

Answer 4

Try to get a restraining order. Or, better yet, go talk to your attorney. Surely you, by studying to be a paralegal, know the ropes of the law. If you don't, the next time he grabs your neck, strikes you, or anything like that, rush to your attorney's office and show the lawyer the marks. Tell the attorney you want out. That's the surest way to get him booted from the house. No one should have to deal with an abusive relationship.

Also, you might have to be the one who leaves :( sorry! Just find a nice apartment away from them and give yourself a little time to get back on your feet, then put him from your mind. As long as you have no biological ties to the boy or any other kids from your current husband, you shouldn't ever have to see him again other than random coincidences.

Good luck. You are in my prayers.

Answer 5

At 15 spanking may not be the best way to handle things. Punishment if he has done something wrong is a must. But for him to tell his son not to listen to you shows disrespect for you. As for the abuse mentally and phsycially upon you. You should report him to the police and then he is on file from the very beginning. Also speak to a lawyer he will be able to talk to you about the easiest way to get him out of the house. Talking to a lawyer for advice is usually free. If you feel unsafe at anytime you should stay at a trusted friends house. Especially if hes already put his hands around your throat.

Answer 6

I think you should separate, if anything. First of all, a husband should COMPROMISE and apparentally hes not one bit. No husband in his right mind should grab his wife by the neck and call her a stupid ***** or whore or whatever you said.....(it starred itself out)....I know you probably love him, but if the son and the husband are being disrespectful tell him you need time apart....to separate. Maybe if you initiate this...then he'll start thinking of what he's done. I would NEVER put up with this crap. You are supposed to be loved, respected, in charge 50/50 of the son....you shouldn't be degraded. You seem so much better than this. You deserve better. If you dont want to "separate" then I think maybe a "vacation for ONE" is in need...think of it as clearing YOUR mind.....(but make sure its like a week minimum vacation....)


I wish you luck. Seriously....if this relationship is getting verbal and physically abusive, definitely separate or see a therapist.


GOOD LUCK.

Answer 7

Go see a lawyer tomorrow and find out what your rights are in your state. If he grabbed you by the neck and called you a stupid ********* in front of the kid, you are finished disciplining him. The Dad will take the kid's side and now that the kid knows that you have no authority over him, he will only be worse. You call it "my" house. Was it your before you married? It will depend on your state if it becomes community property. Sadly this happens many times with second marriages. You are stuck taking care of the first marriage kids and have none of your own for that very reason. Your husband likely said "I don't want any more kids." He already had one of his own and didn't care if you had any of your own. Get out of this situation. You are not respected and let those two just fend for themselves. Go find yourself a husband that will love and respect you. You sound like a wonderful person.

Answer 8

You need to start by calling the police and reporting the assault on you. He violated your well-being by putting his hands around your neck. It sounds like your husband has no respect for women and it's apparant that he is teaching this same behaviour to his son. I think it is important that you try and have a heart to heart with your step son when your husband is not around. But I also think you need to start looking at either marriage counselling or a separation order. In the mean time either you or he needs to leave the house; if he won't go, stay with friends or family until you can get counselling. It is important that you have some time away from one another. Good luck, please get away from this situation until you can get some marital counselling.

Answer 9

Oh boy you have trouble on your hands , he never should have grabbed you for starters, call the cops next time this problem will get worse, as far as his son gos you have taken a back seat on this, if he ever touches you again call the cops, and have a restraining order put on him, I had to do this, this is a step you need to take and it the best, start a paper trail on him with the crap he has done to you keep a log of day and time and what was said to you, you do not have to put up with this crap any more!!!!!

Answer 10

First of all, get out of that house. No one has the right to put his hands on you and verbally abuse you.

Second, call the police or a lawyer (or both). The police will label it a domestic dispute and most likely your husband will be taken away. Tell the lawyer that you need a PPO (Personal Protection Order) as soon as possible.

I don't have much knowledge, considering I'm only sixteen, but my parents had a similar situation.

Good luck and stay safe.