Should I divorce my husband?

Question

He has cheated on me twice before. He's always coming home drunk. He constantly shouts at me and our 3 kids. He ignores me. He is constantly getting fired from his job. Should I divorce him? The kids think I should. What do you think?

By the way, I have:

2 five year old twins
one 13 year old
and a baby on the way (i didnt count her!)

Answer 1

Never in a million years could I e described as a womens libber but the way you present that the answer has got to be "I would if it was me."

However it's your call, no one else can decide for you.

Good luck to you babe.


.

Answer 2

Gosh, I'm surprised you haven't divorced him already.

I guess I'd ask what you're getting from this relationship, something has been holding you in it and preventing you from bringing it to an end. Try to figure out what it is.

Then you can ask yourself if this is your road to happiness. Chances are it isn't but until you explore the question you won't know.

From there you can ask yourself how you feel about starting over especially with such a large family. You'd get child support of course but if he's constantly losing his job he's not exactly going to be very reliable about writing you a cheque ever month. So it could be really tough starting over. But if you also ask yourself what kinds of benefits would come from that it might help.

After you're done, I think you've got the information you need to decide what's best for you. Personally? I think you should get out of this mess and start a new life that can only be better and happier than the one you got. But that's easy for me to say of course, I don't have four kids to nuture and support by myself. Maybe before taking that final step see if you can put away a few savings to help you through the initial year of struggle after which you'll probably be happy you left.

I hope that helps a little. Good Luck.

Answer 3

How can the 5 year olds have an opinion? It sounds like he's got a few problems that he's not discussing with you. The most likely causes of the drunken behaviour are misery and unhappiness brought on, by either, money worries or illness. I say that because men are hopeless at discussing things when they feel under pressure. An example, if they think they've got something wrong with them, but won't see a doctor to get told it's nothing, as they'd rather make the whole house suffer. Or, they can't keep up with the bills, working loads of overtime and still can't go for a pint with their mates! All of these things get a man down and when he's down, he's a pain in the bum!!! Good luck!!

Answer 4

I have been in this situation myself,well,it was my mum that had to make the descision.I was 14 at the time.My dad became lazy and sloppy and lazy.they started argueing more and it was a house of hell. So in the end she left him.I got the choice of who i wanted to live with,mum or dad,i said mum but then she didnt want me so i had no option. My mum is now with a new man.they been together for 6yrs now. So end the misery and find happiness some where. And I would like to say give your children living choices that make them happy. Coz then they won't go through what i did,divorced parents,and living unhappily. And make sure they understand the situation coz this is goin to be a rollercoaster ride for all of you.Follow your heart.All the best.

Answer 5

I understand what your saying but what are you thinking you have young children telling you,you should divorce their father I hope you did not ask them. Secondly why would you allow your children to endure the yelling don't get me wrong I'm not bashing you but try to read this as it was someone else writing it. However with another child on the way it sounds like you do love him so he must have some enduring qualities.Would you consider marriage counseling seeing a priest or pastor for advice?Suggesting he spend less time with the booze and more quality time with the kids?

Answer 6

Divorce is easy but I can see you will cry for years after divorcing him now...............so wait until your time is right to divorce him. Kids will say what you wish them to say. They are very smart and can sense your resentment by your actions and facial expression. His being fired from the job may have a lot to do with the fights and abuse between you. Remember the old saying you can clap with one hand.
Ask your self these questions?
1. Who will not be there when you get to bed after the daily chores?
2. Who would not be there to listen to your entangled thoughts?
3. Who would be there at the head of the table on Thanks Giving day?
4. Where do you plan to buy them a daddy. The last time I checked the shops around my area they had not been selling DADS.

Answer 7

I think you shouldn't be asking anyone else whatever you decide your the one who will live with the consequences weight up the pros's and con's and consider why you have stayed so long do you still hope for a faithful marriage are your expectations realistic? Perhaps if you separate for a while your husband may or may not be inspired to change and why do you need to divorce are you planning to remarry if not the questions is mute at least for now.

Answer 8

Speaking from personal experience, my answer is yes. Every relationship has its problems, however, if your husband has no respect for your feelings and endangers both your safety and security, you need to get away from him. He needs help. I don't know your situation, but if you feel there is a chance that he will agree to counciling and actually commit to change, then go that route. But if he won't go for it, then things will continue to get worse and you should divorce him. I was in the same boat as you not too long ago. You need to think about what is best for your children. Get them out of that abusive environment. Think about their future. For girls, they grow up thinking that it is ok to be treated that way. For boys, chances are good they will treat their wives the same way. Is that what you want for them? Good luck.

Answer 9

it seems like the only grown ups in this relationship is your children take their advise hunny and get away from this creep of a bloke you and your children deserve better and it isnt fair on them to have a drunk coming home and upset the household it might not affect them much now but when they are older i can assure you it will reflect in their own relationships so think of your unborn child and the other 3 and get out while you got the courage and the strength get settled before you new baby arrives its better to have one good parent than two bad ones that keep arguing and upsetting them good luck to you i hope everything works out for you

Answer 10

Do you love him? Do you want to be with him & work things out? If not with everything you've already said i'd consider it, but you never know leaving him might just be the shock he needs. Try talking to him before you make any major decisions though & remember staying with someone for the kids can do the kids more harm than good

Answer 11

I know everyone will be telling you to leave him for all the reasons that you have talked about...but the fact you have to ask means your heart and head are battling with each other...and trust me..been there done that I know how hard it is. The facts are this guy treats you like scum, he doesnt love or respect you given that he has cheated not once but twice (that you know of). It would be hard for you, but what I was told when I left my husband was this.."There will be alot of short term pain, but alot more long term benefits". This is my advice to you. We have one life that WE are responsible for. We make our decisons..no-one else. If you can cope with what he is doing and it isnt hurting you then stay, but if you are true to yourself, want better and most of all want to teach your children how men SHOULD treat women..then leave, find someone who deserves and wants your love and beautiful children, and spend your life stress-free and happy. Good luck and be strong!