What changes can I make that would stop me from getting into relationships with jerks?

Question

I'm tired of the narcissists, the cheaters, the liars, the abusers. What am I doing wrong? Why am I a jerk magnet?

Answer 1

I'm thinking you're just a magnet.
Everyone is attracted to you, and that's why the nice guys aren't. Don't be easy. Put up boundaries and let guys know you are serious. Don't be flirtatious the first time you meet a guy, just get to know him. If you're with a group of people, wander, don't just talk to a single guy. I suggest being friends first, which means you take things easy. No planned dates until about a month of hanging out occasionally with other friends. Calls and texts aren't planned. Take it slower and you'll get nicer guys. The jerks won't stay long enough just to be friends. The cheaters you'll find out about before you're attached. Etc.

Answer 2

I don't know about "abuse".
But if your relationship partners end up yelling really loud:
I AM SO GOOD AT THIS, LOOK AT ME.
I AM SO GOOD, I AM PROVING IT TO YOU VIA CHEATING.
I AM SO GOOD, I HAVE TO LIE TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE ME.

You might be experiencing guys that really yearn to be (extremely) validated by you. Flattered, and all that. They request you make them feel like 'the man', in all the sense of the word. I've seen this happen in almost all my relationships; what can I say? Apparently a brain, being self-sufficient, opinionated and not following him around all the time causes feelings of castration. In the end they find happiness with women that demand less from them, follow them around, flatter them, put him on this huge pedestal.

I'm not meaning to say that if you're in love you should not do these things, but the jerks you may speak of have an extreme hunger and desire for this which can show itself in really ridiculous situations. They can only find whaty they want in women actually inferior to them. Jerks probably are attracted to you because in some quirky way they see gaining that extreme attention from a person such as yourself is a challenge.

I don't know if such a man exists, but us gals are better off with someone that doesn't feel the need to feel superior ("extremely adored") in a relationship to have some self-confidence.

Answer 3

First consider the place and atmosphere that you are in when you meet these jerks. My mother used to tell me, Birds of The Feather Flock Together. These birds are not for you? Do not go where they flock. Also, write down the jerk behavior on one side of a piece of paper. Then on the opposite side write down the opposite of each particular type of behavior. Then when you meet a new guy, write down his behavior. And remember one thing, you will never be able to change a person. Once a jerk, always a jerk. Nice people stay nice every time you are with them.

Answer 4

Because you are not being discerning, you need to stop selling yourself short. You have a lot to offer someone so stop jumping in to the first guy that acts interested, Most guys are interested in sex, sorry but it's true, that can be a good thing but not the only thing, and certainly not anything to build a relationship on. Hang in there, the right person will come along when you least expect it.

Answer 5

Those of us who are jerk magnets usually think, down deep, that we don't deserve better. So when we meet someone who is terrific, we get shy and turn away - somethimes we run. We are not intimidated by the jerks, cause we know we are better than they are. Makes it easier to talk with them initially. trouble is, we get stuck with them. In the long run it's so much healthier to risk being rejected by the great guys than it is to have to clean up after the crappy ones. Even if it is harder.

Answer 6

Maybe because you are not shy. Jerks tend to go for the type who are not shy. They don't care about what they are doing and think they of you as a thing.

Not saying that you have to be shy to get a nice guy. But maybe you need to mellow out. Nice guys could be interested but just intimidated.

Answer 7

In my life, I finally realized that I was continuing the patterns of behavior that resulted in poor relationship choices. To me it is like repeating the grade in school because I did not learn the lesson. There is something to be said for fishing in a sewer results in a poor catch. You have made the first step in seeing that you do have an issue. Examine your patterns, change those that result in poor outcomes and look for folks in positive places such as schools, civic organizations and religious groups. I wish you the best.

Answer 8

it form of feels you have the skill to be aggressively honest, a ability asset. It additionally looks you have the skill to make rash generalization that could forestall your economic and private fulfillment. it incredibly is needless to say available to not have a dating, there are a number of possibilities to having a girl pal and a spouse and a great form of individuals who're drawn to sexual leisure and not a perfect dedication of any components. in case you had ladies it would be a shame which you would be able to bypass up the possibility to alter most of the terrible attributes women individuals have which you component out. bear in mind maximum of your complaints are stereotypes, and maximum are brought about with the aid of the way of life they have been raised in. Surpassing all different concerns i might recommend extra thought be positioned into your statements, aims, and judgment of alternative individuals. in case you would be unable to advance those you run the possibility of being severely undercut because of the fact of your own below estimations.

Answer 9

Maybe you're getting into relationships too fast without getting to know the guys properly..?

try taking it slowly, find out what the guy is like by going out with him once a week. No more than that until you know that he's worth your time. See how he acts around his friends. Let him prove himself to you.

Answer 10

Everyone goes for a certain type of guy. Apparently, "jerk" is your type.

Try dating someone who seems to be the complete opposite of your type.