A friend has been declaring his undying love for me.
Thing is he is married and so am I. My marriage for the most part is very good. We have our niggles as does any marriage but i would never leave him for another guy.
His marriage is a shambles. He is never there for his wife, just leaves her at home to mother his children whilst he goes off chasing his childhood dreams of being a local celebrity. As a result she treats him with the lack of respect and love he deserves.
I have tried to be a friend to him and tell him where he is going wrong and get his marriage back on track.
Trouble is it has backfired and after a year of friendship he pretty much wants to give up on her and be with me.
Makes me feel very uncomfortable as I do not want a relationship with him other than friendship... as I love my hubby very much.
I have endured pretty much 6 months of him thinking that he has upset me if i dont get around to replying to one of the 135 text messages he sends me every day....
2007-06-10 04:21:06 · 20 answers · asked by JustJem 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
or one of the 54 emails.... and he is very insecure and looks to me for reassurance for everything. I have to tell him pretty much every week that I dont want a relationship. Try to help him when he says he gets no love from home but he wont change the above.
We have now fallen out as I am at my wits end.
He is obsessed and I cant deal with it... His misery is bringing me down.
On top of this he appears to have no guilt at having these feelings for me.
I am friends with his wife and would be gutted to the point of puking if i thought my hubby had feelings like this for someone else...
Why does he not feel guilty!?
2007-06-10 04:24:08 · update #1
My hubby knows ..... and knows him..
They are friends also.
2007-06-10 05:40:13 · update #2
He is not respecting you or your friendship. Sit him down and explain that you'll be there for him as a friend and try to help him through this rough patch. But if he can't respect the fact that you're married, you can't be friends. Flat out tell him you're not leaving or cheating on your husband and that he is being an idiot. Some people don't take hints, they need it laid out plainly.
2007-06-10 04:37:01 · answer #1 · answered by Laura 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off, what gives you the right to "help" out a man with his relationship. It never ends up good when married people "talk" with a person of the opposite sex about their marriage. You have obviously taken your "friendship" with him too far. How would you like it if some girl was "talking" to your husband about your own relationship? It wouldn't feel so good would it? Would you resent her or maybe find that as reason to finally end your marriage. Stop talking to him and let him work on his life on his own. If your intentions were sincerely to help him then realize that you are putting your marriage at risk for the sake of a so-called friend who really doesn't care about his wife, evidenced by the fact that he now wants you. If you really love you husband than you would end your communication with him immediately. Change your number.
2007-06-10 11:33:09 · answer #2 · answered by R J 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would block his emails for a start and if your husband doesnt know about the emails and text messages then you need to tell him pretty quickly before he gets the wrong idea about your friendship with this man. You have told him that you arent interested and he has ignored you to the point of putting your marriage in danger. Ingore him completely and let your husband deal with him. It obviously isnt possible for you now to have a friendship with him.
2007-06-10 12:07:41 · answer #3 · answered by Magster 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cause he's just a sociopath, should you want to know. If I was your hubby, and knew you were even talking to this piece of excrement, I would get po'd. Don't you know you can't polish a turd. Give this guy a mirror, wish him luck, he won't notice you've left the room. Go down to the local nursery, as in plants, and hire up about 6 mexicans, and send them over to Mr Gods Gift to Women, and have them clear up that little obsession he has, it's about 75 dollars. Best.
2007-06-10 11:32:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are looking at this problem all wrong. It doesn't matter if he has guilt or not, that should be meaningless to you at this point. Your problem is you are hurting his wife. You have become the "other" woman whether or not you want too. He is using you and only wants to be with you. He is cheating on his wife with you, and this isn't' fair to your husband either. Do you think he would be happy if he knew the details? You risk you marriage continuing to have this guy in your life. I would say he is your "friend" however he isn't any more. This is why girls foolishly think they can be just friends with guys, it never works out that way. Stop talking to this guy, you don't owe him anything, and he is no longer your friend. Have no contact with him in any method, no e-mails, no text messages, change your phone number the whole thing or you will lose your husband.
Next time realize that any guy who wants to be your friend, only want to nail you.
2007-06-10 11:33:32 · answer #5 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why are you friends with this guy? Sounds like a loser. If you haven't already, tell your husband what is going on because otherwise this is going to backfire in your face. Also, tell your "friend" to stop being so creepy and that you are not interested. Why doesn't he know that already? If he does, why are you not forcing him to respect the boundaries that you set? You need to stand up to him for the sake of your marriage.
2007-06-10 11:26:07 · answer #6 · answered by it's me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His marriage is in a shambles for a reason. It takes two to tango.
It's time to lay it on the line babe. Tell him right up front that you can be his friend but that's all and that if he can't accept that then you can't be his friend either. He sounds obsessive. Tell him he has to stop. If that doesn't work ask your hubby to tell him to stop. If that doesn't do it you have to cut yourself off from him altogether. Good Luck
2007-06-10 11:31:03 · answer #7 · answered by blastabuelliac 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No... imagine if you do what he want.. what happen with you marry... you need to change you e-mail address you phone # or one day you to have more problem with you husband... if you husband start knowing that something is wrong between you and your friend... he can better upset.. if he discover this with out you telling him... so I suggest give this guy a littler more time.. if he no get he message.. is time you tell you husband... if you you take the risk to destroy you own marry... don't answer to him.. that encourage him to continue do this... stop talking to him... avoid him... but if he still try I think is time to you said something to you husband.. but also you take another risk that you husband trust on you... because if you husband confront this guy.. and he lie.. maybe you husband no believe on you and believe what the guy need to say.. for that I suggest that you are the person that need to tell you husband and he not find out for himself....
good luck
2007-06-10 12:21:12 · answer #8 · answered by jorge c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have done all you can to be a friend to him. You are wise to stay with your wonderful hubby. I dont' think this other guy will be happy because he does not know how to treat the wife he has now. Cool the friendship with him.
2007-06-10 11:25:55 · answer #9 · answered by Tyra99 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell the creep to get lost and be a man! He has obligations to his children now. What he wants to do about his wife is up to him, but he should not be chasing after married women! He obviously has no respect for you and quite possibly has no self-respect.
2007-06-10 11:32:42 · answer #10 · answered by Theodore H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋