A college friend of mine died suddenly last week of a heart attack. He was a young guy too. I can't believe it. Tonight is his wake and I am sick on the stomach about the whole thing really. I didn't really know his family, but am torn whether I should go or not. I really don't want to see him laid out in a coffin when I remember him as being a happy-go -lucky guy and always fun to hang out with. Serious advice only please.
2007-06-10 03:37:52 · 18 answers · asked by navigate33 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I'm sure that your friend wouldn't want you to remember him in a negative way. I would never expect one of my friends to come to my funeral if it made them feel uncomfortable. Celebrate the person that he was, the life that he lived. Just because you don't go to his funeral doesn't mean that you will regret it. You might look back and think that you could have gone, but what you're feeling now about the funeral, will lighten up over the years.
2007-06-10 06:38:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless the wake is truly at the funeral home, you won't be seeing the body. Most families schedule a viewing, where you see the body "laid out in a coffin", but a wake is a gathering, usually at someone's home, where people offer condolences to the family, light snacks and drinks are served, and memories are shared.
Go the the wake. It will be a closure for you, and it will do his family good to know that he was well-loved. And afterward, if you feel the need, fix yourself your favorite drink and do a private toast to him as well.
2007-06-10 10:51:43 · answer #2 · answered by Zyrilia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes- everyone mourns differently but the process is easier in the long run if you confront your grief and pay your respects. Though your friend is gone what remains is the influence he left behind and by showing up the family will get a sense of that and this will help out giving some closure to both his family and yourself.
2007-06-10 10:46:38 · answer #3 · answered by frozenbrew 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The wake and the funeral are not for the dead, they are for the living. It will be comforting to the family to know that he had good friend who loved and respected him and that will miss him.
Go, show your respect and tell the family how sorry you are and how much you will miss your good friend. You can also share some stories about how he touched your life. Sharing memories is the best thing you can do for a family that only has memories left.
I'm sorry for your lose.
2007-06-10 10:48:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to the wake and stay in the back. You don't have to go up to the casket if you don't want that memory. You'll meet up with other friends of yours and your friend's and I'm sure memories of your friend will be discussed. It's a good way for closure and you need that.
When my dad passed away, my neice chose not to go to the casket. She shared with me why. It was because she had a photo book in her mind of him (her grandfather) and didn't want a picture of him in a casket in there. That certainly made sense to me and I respected that. I had to "save" her a couple of times from others who were trying to push her into going past the casket to "say goodbye".
My advice is to share your desire not to go to the casket with someone close to you that will understand and will also be at the wake. That way, if others who think you ought to view the casket gets a little pushy, you'll have someone who can support your decision and lend a little help in diverting the pressure.
Sorry to hear about your loss. Take care.
2007-06-10 10:49:27 · answer #5 · answered by Tara 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should go. For everyone that is there, having others there who cared about him will help. Especially if any of his other friends from college are there, they will appreciate having you. It's never fun to go to a funeral, but that's what you have to do sometimes. You will be glad you went and it will help provide a feeling of closure to you. Funerals usually focus on good memories of the person's life. You don't have to look at the body if you don't want to.
2007-06-10 10:47:08 · answer #6 · answered by Brooke 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
should you go to your friends wake yes out of respect for his family and for him you dont have to see him there in a coffin let your memories of him in days gone bye happy and laughing to some people death is just another chapter in life and i guess to some people like you its to much to take but you have no choice its a fact of life my friend just remember him as he not you would have wanted some day you will meet again
2007-06-10 10:52:06 · answer #7 · answered by misty120 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you dont go, you may regret it later. you need closure, but it doesn't mean you need to look at the coffin. Being there with friends and family, showing your support, and being supported by others, will really help you out. you've only got one chance at it, don't lose it.
2007-06-10 10:42:00 · answer #8 · answered by dj stevie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should go but if you don't want to see your friend "laid out in a coffin", you don't have to do the viewing.
2007-06-10 10:44:36 · answer #9 · answered by Leather and Lace 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it is going to bother you that much, then no, don't go.
Remember him as he was.
I am sorry for your loss.
You can always send a card or flowers to show your sympathy to the family.
Maybe you can go to the funeral not the wake instead, and you won't have to see him laid out in the coffin.
Wishing you strength!
2007-06-10 10:42:59 · answer #10 · answered by Mom of 2 great boys 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋