Trying to fill a void in my life...?

Question

I'm 18....my wedding just got pushed back several years from the original date (from October 13, 2007 to October 13, 2013); I had a miscarrage last month; I moved 6 hours away from everyone and everything I love about a year ago and have been very lonely ever since (in this whole year I haven't made a single friend in the state I live in)...I'm grieveing my wedding plans which are now dead; my first baby which is now dead; and my hometown with all the friends and family I grew up with being so far away they might as well be dead...I have been tring to fill that void with my pets and as a result my cat is SPOILED; have three well kept fish tanks; and I have adopted two hamsters that again are well taken care of...yet I feel the need to have more pets...I'm not a hoarder; I don't want to over crowd my place -I have plenty of room for tanks and cages; I have plenty of time for them all as well as plenty of money...I grew up on farm with alot of pets of my own
my q is...is this healthy?

I did grow up on a farm where I had ponies, goats, dogs, cats, chickens, geese, ducks, rabbits, phesants, and even house pets...it wasn't a normal farm: my father owned an animal rescue petting zoo (our family rescued farm animals to rehabilitate and use in our petting zoo or to find new homes) most of those pets were either mine or my father's and we each took care of our own pet no matter how young we were so sometimes I wonder how much of this is because I'm depressed and how much of this is because I'm used to having alot of pets and feeling needed by those pets...I liked rehabilitating animals when I was younger and I'd like to continue that now...but I'm not sure where to look to volunteer?

Answer 1

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have been through a lot in a short period of time. I believe that pets can fill a void but only to a degree. It is important to have human contact and interaction and it does not sound like you have much of that right now. I know that it is hard to get motivated when you are sad, but have you tried to meet new people? Maybe at church or another social setting that is safe? Have you invited your family and friends to visit? You don't say what caused you to move, but perhaps moving back might be the solution to your lonliness. Have you thought about volunteering at the local animal shelter? That would give you interaction with all types of animals while providing a very valuable service. You would meet others who love animals, without taking on any more responsibility at home. Good luck and don't give up, you are not alone.

Answer 2

We all have times in our life where we need to focus on things other than our problems, and I don’t believe it is particularly unhealthy. However, when living things are involved, it can complicate matters.

Ask yourself, what will happen to those pets when your life takes a turn for the better? This lonely period will pass eventually, and your mood will lift, even if it seems like things will be like this forever. If your life takes a happy turn and you start spending more time with friends or away from your home, will all of those pets still be well taken care of? Will your priorities change? Maybe in 2 years, you’d rather have a nicer house or car rather than thousands of dollars in pet-related expenses.

If you truly feel that your pets will always remain your top priority and will always have your attention and money regardless of what happens in your life, then get as many as you feel you need. I recommend a dog. Dogs are so overflowing with love and energy that they can easily fill any void you may have. A single dog will mean more to you than all the hamsters and fish in the world. Good luck with everything. Things will get better and this unfortunate period will pass.

Answer 3

I think your wanting more pets may be because you are feeling down and depressed. I used to do the same thing, until I realized what I was doing. Whenever I felt bad about something I would get another pet, I soon ended up with over 20 animals. I had the time and money for them all, but the purchase of them was to fill a void I had, and no matter how many I got the void was always there. I still feel the urge to get another animal but resist.

Answer 4

Hi there, You've had a rough couple weeks. On top of that, being 18 is rough in and of itself. I wouldn't go back to that for anything!

It sounds like you are suffering from situational depression, not the kind that's lifelong, but you may want to see a dr. about treating it. I know exercise helps me a lot when I get feeling down, just getting up and out of the house, just walk at the park, etc. If it's severe, the doc may recommend a short course of anti-depressant medication to help you through.

Hang in there.

And by the way, I have more animals than you do! As long as you can take care of them all (and I don't just mean by providing food, water and shelter) in terms of attention and veterinary care, I don't see a problem with it. Some of us are just fascinted and delighted by animals! They cannot be expected to fill our lives though, or replace human contact. You said you had plenty of time, try volunteering at an animals shelter or rescue facilty. Great way to meet people, too.

Answer 5

You admit yourself that you are trying to fill the void caused by all of the recent heartache in your life with pets. Pets are wonderful and they can help us in many ways. But they cannot take the place of the things you have lost or want to have. To try to make yourself happy by getting more pets puts undue pressure on all of your animals. They can only do so much and it's not fair to try to get all the happiness in your life out of them.

I think you need to start serious evaluating what it is that you want in your life and how you can start taking steps to make that happen. It's not going to be easy. You may need to ask yourself some very difficult questions about the way your life is going right now and whether it's really bringing you closer to happiness. At the very least, you need to bring more people into your life. Since your love of animals is so strong, why not look for animal related groups in your area? You could meet other people who love animals that way and try to start making new friends.

Once your life is more in order and animals are no longer a substitute for things that you don't feel you have, then you can fairly decide if you want to bring more pets into your home.

Good luck!

Answer 6

I don't think it's unhealthy to want something to love but I think you need to start with yourself. You're only 18 and maybe it's a good thing your wedding got pushed back, you still need to figure out who you are. See it as an oppurtunity to grow and expand in your new city. Go take an art class, or cooking class, or excerise class! Do something for yourself! Meet new people! And don't think so negatively of yourself! I can't understand how hard things must be for you. But I think you need to spend sometime on your own building your own sense of being. And for gosh sakes! It is a beautiful world out there hun, you have to enjoy it while you're here! =) Smile.

Answer 7

You are trying to fill a void because of your loneliness. Can you join a local church, take a class at a community college, get a job, join a club, volunteer at a hospital or something like that to meet people? Pets are wonderful and they are like family, but you do need someone to talk to.

Answer 8

If you take care of them and can provide for all their needs, then yes, it is fine. If not, no.

Answer 9

no. i think you need to find a boyfriend so you can be healthy and happy. it is not healthy to be depressed, lonely, or sad
you need to have someone in your life. if you have any questions email me @ [e-mail]

C

Answer 10

If you have the time to spend with them, then there is nothing wrong with it at all.