what do you do when your child wont let you sleep in your own bed with your husband and you have tried?

Question

everything and your husband just doesn't seem to give a crap if hes there or not and he says its more easy than fighting . so what do you do when you try everything.

Answer 1

Don't let your kids take over your personal space with your husband. Start talking to your kids early in the day about the routine. Have a nice routine with them shower, playtime, bedtime. Your husband's lazy parenting will catch up with you later. You have to pick them up and take them back to bed every time until they tire out. Don't say anything just after the first trip to their bedroom. Just pick them up and take them by the hand each time.

Answer 2

You teach your child that he has his own bed and that's where he is to sleep. Are you allowing the child to run the household or are you in charge? The child will rant and rave and cry and make a fuss. But eventually when he realizes all his screaming and crying isn't going to get him what he wants he'll settle down.

You're husband's right that it's easier than fighting but is taking the easy way out the best thing for your child? Your child has to learn that there are rules to be followed and he won't get his way just because he fusses. Maybe allow him to sleep with the two of you one night a week if he behaves, but not every night. You're the Mom. You take charge and let him know how things will be.

Answer 3

You don't mention the child's age, which would be good to know. Even so, who is the parent here. It's not a matter of what your child will or won't let you do. It should be the other way around, it's what you allow him to do or not to do. On the show "The Super Nanny", this is a problem she often helps parents solve. Basically, a parent nicely, but firmly, places the child in their own bedroom, and if the child comes out, the parent continually takes them back to the bedroom. After several nights, the child comes to understand that they will no longer be sleeping in their parents' bedroom, and resigns to it. For this to work more effectively, you and your husband have to be on the same page about this. Even so, don't give up. A child should sleep in their own room, no matter what.

Answer 4

You don't tell us the age of the child, but if the child is a pre-toddler, you have to be careful about the danger of rolling onto the child in your sleep, and smothering it. This has occured in some cases where the parents didn't want to deal with a crying baby, and brought it to sleep with them in their bed.

It appears that the child may be afaid of something in its own room. Does the child have a crib or a bed? Perhaps the child is fearful of the dark. Try putting a nightlight in its room.

I have three children of my own, and my youngest boy would wake up in the middle of the night screaming. We took turns getting up to check on him, and making sure he was okay, and sometimes holding him and reassuring him that he was okay, and that we were still there.

If the child is sleeping in a room alone, it may not understand that you are still there. Sometimes upon waking up, a child is somewhat disoriented from the torpor following sleep, and if he thinks he is all alone, it can be a frighening feeling, not knowing where you parents are, and so he begins to cry, to find out be reassured that you have not left him.

Also, the child may be having bad dreams, and this may cause it to be fearful of sleeping alone, because it may not realize yet that the dreamworld is not reality.

Sometimes you have to just be strong, and let the child cry, but always check on them, because there may be a serious issue, more serious than just the desire to sleep next to its mommy or daddy.

Children need to feel nurtured, protected and loved; and they don't often understand why they cannot be with you during the night, since they are with you during the day.

Have patience though, and it will work itself out over time, but at some point, if you desire to share your bed with only your husband, you will need to be tough about the child not sleeping with you. However, the most important thing is that your child knows he is loved, protected, nurtured and wanted. There is nothing wrong with allowing your child the freedom to come into your room on occasion, if he feels the need to be reassured of your love and protection - especially if they have had a frightening dream, and need your reassurance that everything is still okay.

Answer 5

What I've seen Supernanny do is: if the child gets out of their bed, you take them by the hand and put them back in their own bed, tell them it is time for sleep. If they get out of bed again, do the same then stay in the same room with them, don't talk to them or look at them, and if they try to get back out of bed gently put them back into bed. Keep doing this, till they get the idea. Don't talk to them or scold them. You may lose some sleep, even for a day or two, but it eventually works. Why does this have to be your job, why doesn't your husband help? Sounds like there is a problem there. You don't say how old the child is. Persistance is the key.

Answer 6

Sorry but whose the parent and whose the child?? What do you mean your "child" wont let you?? Your child has to follow your rules and tell your husband to stop teaching that child that it's ok to disregard mommy cause she'll be ok. That's outrageous! If you don't put your foot down now you will really pay for it later. Kids need rules and boundaries. If he/she dosen't respect you in your very own home then how can he/she respect anything or anyone else...don't loose your temper, tell this child that you will no longer allow this to go on and why. After dinner, give him/her a nice bubble bath, lotion down with some bedtime lavender baby lotion and place the child in their own bed. Tuck them in, read them their favorite story and give them a stuffed animal that has you or your husbands scent on it. Something like your perfume or daddy's aftershave ( place the scent early on morning so that once it's night time the small is perfect). Be constant night after night so that child falls into a routine and becomes comfortable in their own space.

Answer 7

It sounds to me like your child doesn't have set boundaries. You say you've tried "everything", but have you tried sticking by your word and not giving in to them?

You didn't give enough information, so I'm going to assume your child either wants you to sleep with him/her, or the child sleeps in the room with you. This is about control; the child is pushing to see how much you will give in or not.

The first step is to get a lock on the door to your bedroom. Then, you will sit your child down and explain to them that they are big now and need to sleep in their own room by themselves. If they don't, if they throw a tantrum or act up, they will be punished. Then you stick by it! Period.

That night, go into your bedrom with your husband and lock the door. The child may scream, bang on the door, etc. You open the door, point to them, tell them to get back to bed now, etc. And if they don't cooperate, cry, etc, you follow them to their bedroom and lay them down in the bed, and then you take away a priviledge. You ground them, take the TV out of their room, something of that nature, and let them know you love them, but that Mommy and Daddy need time to themselves and they need to be big now and sleep on their own.

Do this for several more nights. You might have issues sleeping at first, but every time, you put the child back in bed and go back to your own room and lock the door, and make sure you stick to your guns! The more you give in to this child, the more they will know they can control you. YOU are the parent! They are the child. You need to establish bounadaries and control.

And tell your husband to get off his butt and help with this situation too! Don't turn this into an argument between the two of you! You need to stand together firm on this, otherwise the child will try to come between and divide you.

Answer 8

Umm...I hope you are asking how you can sleep in the bed with your husband again without your child being in it - lol. The question is kind of hard to understand the way it's worded - but I hope this is the question. How old is the child? My baby girl is 2 and we have had a mattress on the floor in there since early on - cause she started crawling up the side of the crib and I did not want her to get hurt. If you would try a full size mattress on the floor for a while. You can lay down with your child until he goes to sleep then once he is asleep you can go to your own bed. Once he wakes up a couple times and sees how this is working he should be ok with it. Hope this helps. Also with a mattress on the floor - no box springs - they can play on it and if they roll off they won't get hurt. It is worth a shot. My little girls room is right across from mine - if yours is farther you may want to put a monitor up so you can tell if he gets scared during the night - other than that your good to go.

By going to sleep with your child in his room you are teaching him that he is to sleep in his room not yours. I do not know why your hubby is not helping you on this - is the child young? The only time my baby sleeps in our bed is when she is sick. My hubby sleeps elsewhere and me and baby sleep in the bed - but only when she is sick - and that is cause its easier for me. Angel is so cute once we got her sleeping in her own bed in her room - she would often sneak off for a nap in there on her own. So I really hope my idea works for you too.

Answer 9

It sounds like to me the child has the say in where you sleep and not you. You are the boss and you need to let the child know who is the parent. The child needs to stop running you and your husbands lifes. You and your husband need to make some rules and stick with them and stop letting the child tell you where you should sleep.

Answer 10

well...obviously you are the step mom in this situation...

yes, it is easier to let the kid have his way but that doesn't mean it is the right way. All that is teaching the child is that if you put up enough of a temper tantrum,he gets his way...a lot of divorced parentsget into this rut...they feel guilty enough as it is and don't want to discipline the child when they are in their care, fearing the child won't love them anymore.

Time to take matters into your own hands, and trust me, it is going to SUCK for a while until the kid gets the message but you HAVE to do this...for the child's sake...and your marriage...

obviously the child goes to bed before you two (I hope!) If not, a bedtime better start being enforced immeidately.

When the child comes in the room, do not allow him to even get on the bed, scoop him up, bring him back to his room, tell him it is bedtime and he sleeps in his room, then go back to bed. He's going to scream kick cry and come back into your room. Pick him up, don't say a word, plop him right back into bed. Do this over and over and over until he gets the picture, he is not sleeping in your room that night...DO NOT talk to him, do not argue with him, do not say a single word, just plop his butt in his bed...

he will get tired and eventually fall asleep in his room - this is a battle of wills and yours has to be stronger. It will happen for several nights, you are going to be exhausted...but you have got to show the child who makes the rules...