how can I get my kids back from my wife who's taken everything?

Question

You all deserve some details. 11 years ago our two children two stepchildren my wife and I moved to rural Tennessee into a 1890's home in need of refurbishment , which I did as well as took the caregiving role in our relationship as she had gotten a good salaried job. This was the arrangemnet least until the kids were all in school. Throughout the past 6 years she has brought up divorce many times. Resentment for my role in the family built over the years about my taking her role as mother. I had to hang in there until the kids were in school, then I would work full time. Our youngest started school Sept 06, I got a job April 07. I know it was late but decent jobs are rare around here. I thought I would allow her to quit and work freelance or not at all. She claimed it was too little too late. And she has turned on a dime, hell bent on divorce as the solution. Three weeks ago she provoked me with anger and spat in my face.

In a nushell, 11 years ago, very much in love, I was the caregiver, 1890's home remodeler, she worked a day salaried job. We also had rental income from properties owned individually pre-marriage. Two stepchildren and two of our own age 10 and 6 now are splitting up. She's been angry for several years over the role reversal we chose. I wanted to stay together and work as soon as our youngest began school last Sept. I got a job in April and brought my mother from Ca. to assist. When we returned she was cold and defiantly opposed to us remaining as a family. The wife thinks I deserve nothing for my sacrifice but a ticket out-a-here.

She has placed a trumped up order of protection against me which my lawyer got dropped two days later. I have been served divorce papers with further rediculous conditions attached. She's not the person I used to know.

Answer 1

Okay, I'm going on the premise that papers haven't been filed yet, or you would be getting advice from an attorney.... IF papers have not been filed, and there is not a restraining order, I will tell you an unpopular secret.

You have as much right to your children as she does. As the police and attorney told me, if the child is not in my immediate custody (or papers filed) then my husband could have picked up the children and left with them also (in my state - for a period of 14 days pending filing something in court).. In other words, you can have the police escort you to daycare, babysitters, grandma's and get your kids.

Again, all of this is on the premise that no papers have yet been filed, custody, divorce, or restraining order would change the above.

You need an attorney and fast if you want your kids. Check in the yellow pages for one who has free consultation.

Best of luck,

Wildflower

EDIT: WOW! THAT IS HARD TO TAKE. I AM CONCERNED ABOUT THE "PROVOKED ME TO ANGER" PART? I HOPE YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING YOU'LL REGRET.
THE THING IS, YOU REALLY NEED TO GET WITH YOUR ATTORNEY ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS. I'M KINDA ON THE OTHER SIDE FROM YOU, I'M THE MOM WHO FILED A LEGIT ORDER OF PROTECTION... BUT, IF YOU DIDN'T HURT THE KIDS, YOUR ATTORNEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO WORK OUT A TEMPORARY VISITATION / CUSTODY ARRANGEMENT..... MY EX ATTACKED ME IN FRONT OF OUR DAUGHTER, BUT STILL HAS SUPERVISED VISITATION WITH HER BECAUSE HE DIDN'T HURT HER... HE HAD HIS ATTORNEY FILE FOR A "MUTUAL RESTRAINING ORDER" WHICH IS BASICALLY IN MY CASE A DOCUMENT THAT PROVIDES ME RIGHTS TO MY DAUGHTER AND HIM VISITATION RIGHTS, WORKED OUT WELL FOR BOTH OF US UNTIL THE COURT HEARING /MEDIATION, ETC CAME THROUGH ON THE DIVORCE - WE'VE CONTESTED ALL THROUGH AND ARE NOW ON OUR 9TH MONTH, SO YOU DO WANT TO TRY TO DO SOMETHING TO GET ACCESS TO YOUR KIDS - EVEN WITH ALL I'VE GONE THROUGH WITH MY HUSBAND, I KNOW MY DAUGHTER NEEDS HER DADDY. PERHAPS YOU CAN GET YOUR ATTORNEY MOVING SO YOU CAN SEE YOUR KIDS.

IN THE LONG TERM, YOUR ATTORNEY HAS PROBABLY TOLD YOU THAT YOU NEED TO CONSIDER SOLE CUSTODY, JOINT CUSTODY, ETC... YOU NEED TO CONSIDER WHICH IS BEST FOR YOUR CHILDREN AND WHY. THEN YOU NEED TO GATHER EVIDENCE, WITNESSES, REASONS, WHY TO SUPPORT YOUR CASE. UNFORTUNATELY, I HAD TO DO MOST OF THIS FOR MY ATTORNEY BECAUSE ULTIMATELY I KNOW HE'LL SLEEP JUST FINE EITHER WAY - IT'S IN MY BEST INTEREST TO BE PREPARED.

BEST OF LUCK TO YOU - FEEL FREE TO WRITE IF THERE IS ANYTHING ELSE I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP WITH - I'M IN A DIFFERENT STATE, BUT SURE HAVE GOTTEN AN EDUCATION SINCE MY DIVORCE FILING AND TRULY SUPPORT FATHER'S RIGHTS TO THEIR CHILDREN.

Answer 2

First are you trying to get the kids because she is un fit or for spite? Second why did she take everything was it her fault your fault or both. What would be in the best interest of the children. Think about what your kids are going through this is a very diffucult time for them don't make it worse. Pray and ask the lord to give you peace and if you want her back you have to first change yourself and things around you will become much brighter I'm sorry that you are going through this but as I pray for you think of whats best for you and your kids. Don't let this stress you out so much you are know good for your children are yourself be strong and you can be happy again with or without her right know is too difficult to see for the anger and pain but I promise it will get better if you put yourself in others shoes and evaluate what was and is happening. Most men are so much stronger than women I get God just create you all like that. Get up and do the right thing its ok to feel like you do but remember the kids are most important at this point because you all have put them in a very bad situaion be blessed

Answer 3

PLEASE read my post in the same category ...
"Very serious. desperate to help a friend"
posted by Michelle
I only say to so you can see what can happen if you dont take care of this asap! The courts are not on Daddy's side.
Have strength - you sadly will need a lot of it. But hang in there. Of course it is worth it!!

I SO wish you the best! There are advocacy groups that can help you! USE THEM. one person was kind enough to post a reply with the name of one on my "question" -perhaps they can help! Fathers make awesome single parents -GO FOR IT!!!!! Let her "visit"!!!

Answer 4

Get a lawyer. You can also see if the Family Court system will help you at least with visitation rights.

Answer 5

http://www.fathersrightsinc.com/?gclid=CMyXx5_yz4wCFQWjIwod_QEOqg
Fathers rights http://www.lawyerslegallaws.com/fathers-rights-lawyers.html
Father's Rights Lawyers: Divorce, Adoption, Child Support & Custody Etc...

Answer 6

Report her to the police, and they will put out an amber alert. Get a good lawyer, and good luck

Answer 7

good start would be to act civil with their mom. Work out a arrangement that is doable by everyone. She and you both have equal right and responsibility to care and provide for the children so work it out like everyone else dose,. Don't start childish crap they are all mine don't let her act like they are all hers if she dose go to court fight for your rights.

Answer 8

Interesting question. obviously there is more to the story. like just say did she get every thing by packing and leaving while you were away are did the courts give her the children and every thing. If it was not done through court action then you go through the court to get them.

Answer 9

Has a divorce been filed and/is one pending with the courts? If not, she....like yourself...both have the rights to the children and thier welfare and welbeing. More then likely, she didn't just up and leave. Something must have occured. Can you elaborate on your question so I can better assist you. thanks

Answer 10

um...you need to give more detail than that...has she filed for divorce? Has there been anything in court yet? Do you know where they are...

if you don't have a lawyer, get one....NOW.