http://h1.ripway.com/robotlick/Youshouldprobablymoveup001.html
2007-06-09 09:05:52 · 5 answers · asked by Mickey Mouse Spears 7 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Thanks for the constructive criticism -- there was a big prefix that I cut out because I thought it would be too long and nobody would read it.
It basically says, what if your dream has slipped between your fingers and you're in this situation on the railroad tracks... yadda yadda yadda...
It's not important how the narrator (which was me) got on the tracks. It's all from the first-person perspective, and the focus of the story is "here and now".
The intention, also, was to create a sense of chaos and confusion. The situation was unclear. I'm not saying this as a way to justify the lack of explanation in the writing. It wasn't missing from the story out of laziness (that part exists). As far as what happens in the end: Yes, he dies. That's why you don't find out what happens, because he is no longer there to narrate.
It's not going to appeal to everybody, I understand that. I mostly wrote this story to put my life into perspective & to remind me that life is short.
2007-06-09 19:25:30 · update #1
Original story in it's original context (written before my son was born) http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=34099119&blogID=64183257&Mytoken=9A4E87CC-98DE-40A0-9C0F01598BFC6CD65196633
2007-06-09 19:27:27 · update #2
That was aweful....dude don't u know that there r kids on here that read that...ya know...LIKE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!
UR AWEFUL!!!!
2007-06-09 18:44:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I should not have had to get half way through the story before I understood what the scenario was. The story had no beginning and no satifactory end. Only a middle. I'm still not sure I fully understood it. You didn't explain why the car is ON the train tracks, why he can't back up, Why the driver is stupid enough to pull the car behind a truck with not enough room for a train to pass, when he could have just stayed on the other side of the tracks when he knew he had kids and/or other passengers in the car with him. Why did he waste time pondering when he could have helped get the kids and others out of the car sooner. Way too many holes in the story.
P.S. A train is coming, and he stops to light a cigarrette?!? This question is giving me a headache.
2007-06-09 19:11:35 · answer #2 · answered by vikkip67 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really put me in the guys head but you need some lead in With all the cursing right off the bat I almost stopped reading but I am glad I didn't
2007-06-09 18:52:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, very confusing in the beginning, i had no clue what was going on but it got better in the end. Did you end up dying?
2007-06-09 18:45:58 · answer #4 · answered by Savannah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it wuz completly HORRIBLE! I HATED IT!
2007-06-09 19:11:07 · answer #5 · answered by bubbles 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋