when is it considered not normal?

Question

all couples -no matter how much they love each other - disagree and get into arguments and fights. what is considered normal? when is it considered too much? once every two weeks? once every three or four days? what do you think? and based on how many arguments or fights you have , when would you decide to end it?

im intersted to know what you all think

Answer 1

There are different levels of disagreements.

Trivial level: eg where to go to dinner, who picks up the kids. Happens all the time and shouldn't even be called disagreements, just your daily routines. There is nothing to this and easily resolved.

Mid level: eg, how to deal with the kids, where to go to vacation, choice of languages (such as cussing). These shouldn't happen monthly.

Big deals: affairs, major expenses. Some are deal breakers.

When you have fights on a weekly or monthly basis, both parties are actively looking for flaws on the other side to engage. This is too much.

Answer 2

It's not about how many arguments you have, or how often. It IS about whether conflicts are resolved, or whether they are left unresolved--in a stale mate. It's also about whether during the arguments, there is respect for the other person's opinion.
How to disagree/argue-- is an art form in relationships.
Stonewalling, lying, lying by omission, evasive manuevers, violence, and rigid stubbornness are all recipes for disaster.
Read up on conflict resolution and argument styles if this is a sore spot in your relationship.
Usually people can work it through by learning the skills necessary to argue--yes, debating is a skill!
When they can't is when they have different morals and values.

Answer 3

It really depends on what they're disagreeing about, on how often, how heated the argument gets (are they short little bickery spats, or knock-down-drag-out emotionally draining fights that last for days on end), on how much tolerance both parties have for disagreement....I don't think there's a set rule for that.

But for me...there is a set rule on ending a relationship:

When the relationship itself seems to be more trouble than it's actually worth, or when it's so broken that the work that will need to be put into repairing it is more energy than you want to expend on that particular person.

Answer 4

When it leaves 1 or both people emotionally and physically wounded after fighting, that's when you know its time to end it...There is no time or frequency of how much couples should fight..It depends on what their fighting about!! People who fight so much are destined to go their separate ways...Even if it means tomorrow or 10 years from now, its still something that's broken that needs fixin' or ditchin'!! Point is...One must decide the content of the fights/arguments and not base it on time or frequency.

Answer 5

Well it depends on what the arguments are about and if the issues get resolved or continue to be revisited. I know one couple who argue daily, but they love each other to death and have a good marriage. I know of other couples who fight very seldom but they hold all this anger inside and their marriages are not so good.

If you regularly fight about the same thing and the issue never gets resolved it can be very bad.

It all depends on your conflict resolution style. And if there is a "winner" and how many compromises are being made by the "loser".

Answer 6

its different for different people! personally i'd leave when the arguements were about things so straight forward that should't even exist in a relationship....like cheating or neglecting somebody...If you have an arguement everyday i dont think its worth sticking around. Whats the point of being with someone if neither of you are happy? Being with someone should make you feel complete or at least happy not crap about yourself or always depressed. I think once every two weeks isnt that bad...and once every month is even better. But anythin more than that in my opinion is way too much.

Answer 7

For starters seems to me someone isn't listening when arguments and fights keep arising. All matters have a resolution just up to couple to make best decision for them. Arguments and fights should be kept to a minimal otherwise you jeopardize your relationship. I have known couples who fought all the time but were able to connect and resolves their issues in an timely manner. Couples need to be able to compromise and make sacrifices for one another because no one is perfect or right all the time.

Answer 8

It is too much when one person continually tries to gain control or dominate the other person, causing arguments and fights.

Relationships should be all about honesty and trust and on an equal footing.

If a guy goes fishing then the woman should feel free to go shopping or out to eat with her friend.

If he has his own money for extras then she should have her own money for extras.

This is only a couple of examples and i guess it really depends on what you argue about and the seriousness of the situation.

Answer 9

I don't think there is a limit as to how many times arguing is normal. I have a friend who argues with her husband daily. They are so used to it they don't even realize they are doing it. To them it is the way they get along. My husband and I rarely fight, but when we do it is usually something major. When you get to a point that the fighting is affecting your feelings toward that person and vice versa, it is time to look into counselling if that fails, you start to consider parting company. Some folks just get along better if they don't live together.

Answer 10

If at any point either partner looks at the other as the enemy. If the arguments are being won/lost instead of resolved. Remember, in order for one party to win, the other must lose. If it makes you feel good to watch your partner lose (or vice versa), it's gone too far. If either partner feels scared or intimidated by the fighting. If it's adversely affecting the children or anyone else directly involved.