Recently his son (23) moved in with us and although dynamics have changed with us - he has regressed to being like a child, saying he has more than me when it comes to food, starting a discussion and walking off and generally demanding attention, and now has stopped helping me around the house and waits to be waited on.... please advise how i can get him to see how is behaving and finding out why?
2007-06-09 01:39:39 · 20 answers · asked by Bubbles 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How old is your husband? Maybe he feels insecure with his son around. Are you much younger than your husband? If you are, then, maybe that's it. He wants attention all the time, his way of checking where you are. He wants to be waited upon, that's placing authority in front of you, telling you indirectly he's the boss around the house. Or, maybe unintentionally suggesting he is still very much around, no trespassing. Whatever his reasons are for the sudden change in his behavior, it is better to ask him pointblank what they are- why he is acting like a child. Better talk it over than have you wondering and maybe, he is waiting for you to ask him yourself.
2007-06-09 01:51:31 · answer #1 · answered by annabelle p 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Might it not be wiser to have a heart to heart discussion on what it is that is bothering him and if he is going through a need for attention. Gosh only knows he may be feeling like he needs the greater need. He may feel a challenge from the son living there. regression sounds very strangely out of proportion in this. Something seems wrong
talking is the best way to rectify this question and you and he need to do it behind closed doors or when you are both alone
a comfortable setting, relaxed atmosphere, without him feeling that he is being criticized.
good Luck I hope that you both come to a solution.
SmilesAlot
2007-06-09 09:12:09 · answer #2 · answered by Spirit_Rain_3-SunShineAries 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does this happen in the presence of the son? If so, it seems like he is performing for his son like he has lied to him about your adult relationship to his son. maybe he told him you do everything and he doesn't want him to see dad cleaning up around the house or being part of a team instead of the boss.
If it happens regardless of whether the son is around then it seems like he is resenting you because maybe he didn't want his son moving in and you gave the okay so it's your fault he is there/he couldn't use you as the excuse why the son couldn't move in and didn't want to tell him no himself.
Or if this happens without the son around, maybe your husband views you differently now. Maybe you treat the son like a child and you cater to him a bit? The hubby sees this and is jealous and wants some of that attention too.
You need to treat the son like an adult. treat the hubby like an adult regardless of his behavior. Let them each be responsible men and take part in helping out around the house and yard etc. as well as making a meal every couple of days. You are all adults, you should share in making the meals as well, as long as you are not a full time stay at home.
The son should also contribute to the house unless he is paying for his own schooling.
He should pay for food or rent or both.
2007-06-09 09:05:40 · answer #3 · answered by Gypsianna P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is showing he is the alpha male to his son.
and still 'king of the castle'.
stop treating him like a child.
let it slide.
i doubt pushing him to see how he is behaving will work.
changing what you do is going to work. have you been acting differently since his son got there? are you paying him less attention than you did? and more on his son? could your husband be responding to that somehow, trying to get the attention?
you are going to have to approach it very gently, to talk to him about it. asking about how he feels, and that you are concerned. or worried you two aren't as close. things like that rather than making remarks about how he is behaving, because he'll just go on the defensive then.
you can also, just say, NO when he waits to be waited on. the same as you would to anyone else. As in, NO, I won't do that. Be firm. Be assertive. Let them know you expect them both to help out, and what each needs to do.
2007-06-09 09:11:37 · answer #4 · answered by 3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could help you. To me it sounds like he wants to be 23, well younger again. Seeing his son in the house he is remembering to the point of regression. My husband just plain started doing that sort of thing to the point for no reason we have no kids to move back in. Tell him straight out what he is doing and it is time to grow up again.
Second thought...I'm guessing that this is his son not yours, I'm guessing he was divorced...that might be why she divorsed him, he acted like a child when his son came along.
2007-06-09 08:49:58 · answer #5 · answered by Pandora 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is typical of some men i know. Basically most men do behave like this it is because they are insecure and have inadequacies also they are unhappy and miserable with themseleves and with others and they are generally bored. He might have also had a mispent childhood or a strict upbringing . Basically tell him to change and grow up and behave like a man or its divorce that will make him change.
2007-06-09 10:38:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lisa do not allow it to happen... Talk with him as an adult and put your cards on the table and get to the root of the problem.. Do you think it is because his son is home? Let him know that he is showing his son bad habits about how to treat women.....
2007-06-09 09:26:45 · answer #7 · answered by MJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is showing signs of dementia, keep a close eye on his behaviour for mood swings. If you are worried about it ask if he would seek professional help, if he refuses you may have to seek help alone. This could lead to you becoming depressed. Get your son to help around the house and be supportive towards you as clearly your husband isn't.
2007-06-09 08:51:26 · answer #8 · answered by IncoStress 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like it has something to do with his son being around. Some men feel as if they need to act like their "King of the Castle" when other men are around or Maybe he wants to show his son that his mother wasn't/isn't the only one being treated that way by putting on this kinda show towards you.
2007-06-09 08:47:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Can you say to him that he is setting a bad example to his son who will think any wife of his should be a slave? Men are such strange creatures. Maybe he thinks if his son sees him doing the housework, he'll think his Dad is henpecked? It could be something as simple as that? Did he do the housework and help his first wife is the question, here, I think? Men are simple souls after all!!! Their needs are basic after all, let's face it? All they need is fed, watered and sexed!! Most of them anyway!!!
2007-06-09 08:48:59 · answer #10 · answered by Lifeisgreat! 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋