male and female anwsers for help please ???????????????

Question

my soon to be ex husband thinks he can pass crude comments of a sexual nature wanting to see certain parts of my body, he makes me feel he is looking at me like a dirty old man .Other things have happened over the years during our married life but i do not want to let the whole world know but again it is a sexual nature.Anything i say to him he turns it around to sex it is degrading,and i am now starting to get up set over it and have filed for divorce ,i just do not understand the man i married 20 years ago could change so much i feel he does not respect me or our daughters and most of all himself x thank you in advance for answering xx sarah x

we have been seperated since last august that is why it makes me feel so disgusted with him

Answer 1

he's being verbally abusive.
i was married to someone like that. he got worse. it was like he was not the same person i married, the same as you said.
getting a divorce is a wise decision.
i bet he'll be doing quite a bit of verbal abuse because of that; trying to put you down again, or more, belittle you.
so stay away from him as much as possible.
it's so easy, to allow it when you are used to it.
remember it is him with the problem.
always keep that in your mind, whatever happens. he'll be trying to tell you that it is you, and he will probably tell others it was and is you, and tell lies, even to his lawyer, or in court to the judge.
that could be tough, in court. but stay away. let your lawyer do the work.
i made the mistake of trying to keep it amiable, and that gave the ex more opportunities to contact me, be verbally demeaning. it runs you down. when i look back i wish i'd been tougher. it's difficult when you're in that situation though.
i wish i'd got an injunction for him to stay away from me.
but i fell for the 'i'm still the father' story.
turn to others, family or friends if you have them.
keep them around.
keep him away. make sure they know to do so as well.
tell them he's good at lying, and pretending, and at being charming to other ppl; and to be careful about being taken in.
i am guessing he's like that to others. or will be.
do all you can to protect yourself now. say nothing to him. get away.

Answer 2

Hi Flick.
I would be interested in knowing if he is passing these comments about you in front of your daughters.

If he isn't then I think the solution would be just to ban him from your house/coming near you. Explaining to your daughters that he upsets you but they must continue seeing him if thats what you all want only to meet him outside the house and go out somewhere. They're sensible girls they will understand a sensible solution.

If however he's passing these comments in front of your daughters (ie showing a lack of respect for them) first of all tell one of them to say something.

Whilst he may not respect you (for which he may have reasons), he should bloody well respect his daughters. (Forgive the strong language but I'm annoyed).

If he continues after that then get your daughters to say something like "Im not sure I want to see you if you're going to be like this" . That will get him thinking.

What your question doesn't say is whether or not his access is supervised.

To put the male perspective to this. The reason why he started this is because in his own bizarre way he thinks its better to be making these comments to you (his then wife) rather than someone else's wife! What he hasn't got through his thick head yet is that you're soon no longer to be his wife. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME FOR THIS BUT IM ONLY BEING HONEST but your disability may have taken an effect on your sex life and he's passing these comments to get his sexual kicks out of you rather than someone else. And once again he's either doing it out of habit (ie it hasn't got through that now you're separated and he should be behaving differently).
A few ideas there. Take care. x

Answer 3

no doubt you,ve tried talking to him sarah,asking him why he treats you like that,you know sarah america says a man goes through a menapousal time,i for one have always said that,it was medically proven in america,which i do believe,i,m going through the menapause,and my feelings are so different now,not worse,i think better,i feel so sexy now,as compared to when i was younger,your hormones are so topsy turvy,if we sat down an took time out to think an look at ourselves,we know we are different when we,re older,plus you don,t have little children to see to,anyway sarah if you,ve started divorce proceedings now,i think you still love him,but would like to know what,s changed the man you married,try and find out if you can,not on your own it won,t be easy,you need the right kind of help,if you could get him to see his gp.with you,that would be a start.may i say sarah,if you feel he,s not respecting himself,he has got a problem,and it needs seeing to.i,d like to think you,d have another 20yrs together,give it all you,ve got sarah,if you really don,t love him anymore,there,s nothing anyone can do.take care.

Answer 4

You are doing the right thing buy getting out of this for crap marriage, can you move in with someone, or get him to move out, file a police report on the comments he makes towards you and start a paper trail on him, I had to do this to mine and get a restraining order on him, I wish you the best hang in there, I was married for 33 years, I do understand what road you are going down, it's hard and it sucks!!! But on the bright side it will get better in time.

Answer 5

Sounds like you just need to get far away from this destructive influence. If you are not living together, don't give him permission to visit and don't meet up with him. Get an injuction if necessary. This is all about control, my ex-husband was of a similar nature, it's like mental rape. He is trying to make you feel cheap and worthless so he can control your life. Boot him and stand tall.

Answer 6

Lust is one of the main enemies of mankind. That makes him like animal at all time when he is not able to control it. In order to conquer this evil trait we must have the following awareness within us.
1. I am not this body but an invisible being of energy called soul.
2. my original form is a point of energy and my original quality is purity and vicelessness
3. I took the support of a body of 5 elements in order to enact my role in the world drama stage and my ocupation is to give unadultrated love to every one around me.

In order to convince your husband about this just visit nearest "Brahmakumaris Global Spiritual University" centres or visit www.brahmakumaris.com

Answer 7

He sounds like there's something wrong with him. Get rid of him and you'll find a nice guy sometime who'll appreciate you for who you are, and sex for what it should be - about love and closeness and not crude vulgarity. I had a similar problem many years ago when my ex watched porn and became aggressive.

Answer 8

he thinks this way he may get a chance of hooking up agn with u. i filed 4 divorce too when my ex asked for sex during our seperation.
this'll show him what u really mean n' he may back off btw don't let him know it annoys u just ignore and stay quiet as silence is the best way of showing hatred.

Answer 9

I'd be worrying about your daughters. He is not acting appropriately around them and he certainly doesn't sound like a very good father. Given his sexual addiction and perversion, it would be best if you discuss this with the judge. You don't want your daughters to be sexually assulted, whether verbally or physically.

Answer 10

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