My friend wasn't raped...was she?

Question

One of my roommates and I are very close and very open about our sexual relationships. She's definitely one of my best friends. She has been dating this wonderful guy for a year and half now. Seriously. He treats her like a queen. He would never do anything to hurt her. I would stake everything I have on that statement.

So Friday night, she and her boyfriend went out to dinner. They came back to our apartment, and out came the alcohol. My friend had quite a few shots, but her boyfriend was keeping an eye on her. I heard them talking in the hallway -- she wanted to drink more rum, but her boyfriend told her that four shots was enough; he didn't want her getting sick. They retired to her room, where sex apparently occurred, because shortly after their discussion in the hall, my friend burst into my room (dressed, thank goodness) and proclaimed, "MY BOYFRIEND IS A SEX GOD!" It was all rather amusing, and it seemed like my friend was having a damn good time.

(continued)

Yesterday morning, she and her boyfriend awake, have breakfast, where they spend more time flirting and kissing and giggling than eating. And when he leaves, she and I hide away in her room to discuss the previous night. And she said she had a damn good time. She was just a little disappointed -- she couldn't remember having sex with her boyfriend at all. And I totally relate. I love drunk sex with my boyfriend because that's when I have the best orgasms, but it sucks because I can't remember it in the morning.

OK. Now apparently, our other roommate heard us talking. My friend and I made a mistake rooming with this girl. She never seemed to take a liking to us, and especially to my friend's boyfriend. So after my friend and I were done talking, I headed back into my room to do homework. A few minutes later, my other roommate steps into my room and says she couldn't help overhearing my friend and I talk. She then says, completely out of the blue, "You know, by definition, our roommate was raped by her boyfriend."

What.

My roommate then proceeds to explain that if a person is a drunk, they never REALLY consent to having sex, because their judgment is skewed due to their inebriated state. Therefore, our friend was raped by her boyfriend, even if she said "yes" to having sex.

Even now, I don't even know what to say to this. Raped? Is she ******* kidding me?

(continued)

I'm pretty damn sure that my roommate is trying to cause drama. But...it keeps haunting me. I hate to say this, but...isn't she kind of right? If a person is too drunk to say yes, or can't remember saying yes, then doesn't that mean that person was raped? And then I guess my boyfriend has raped me, too, because I've had really drunk sex with him and couldn't remember it in the morning. It's freaking me out a little bit. Can someone clear this up for me?

Answer 1

Sounds like she really likes getting drunk, having sex, but hates the consequences. Lots of pregnancies happen under those circumstances, and lots of permanent damage as well. Sometimes the women can't say for sure who the father is. Honestly, you should know the world shows drunken loose women very little mercy and sympathy. I wish there was some better advice.

Answer 2

Technically it could be rape. Someone else talked about giving consent for sex and when you arent able to consent, sometimes even if you say yes. Being drunk or on something is one of those times. BUT, i wouldnt worry too much about it. If there isnt a complaining whitness and there is no overwhelming evidence for them to charge him with anything then I doubt anything would happen. So even if your other roomate said something to the cops, they would interview your friend and move on. The cops have better things to do.

But on the safe side, drinking til your memory is impaired is probably not a good thing to do on a regular basis. I know girls that have gotten up the next day with STD's and had no clue what to tell the doctor and no memory of having sex with anyone. Plus it can have serious side effects later (or not so later) on.

Answer 3

My thoughts are that it is rape when someone has sex with someone who is completely past out, unconscious and cant give consent...that makes it very different to what you've described as she wanted to have sex with her boyfriend even though she was pissed. And unless she identifies it as being forced i dont see what the problem is. It may not be either you or your room mates place to make that judgement. Plus this wasnt some stranger she just picked up for a one night stand

Answer 4

sound like when you both get drunk you both enjoy sex my questions if she remembers having sex and cant remember it this a little bizarre i know i have had drunk sex but i can remember it i do not believe she was raped because 4 shot don't seems to be a lot i use to able to d o 6 and hold it but now if i do 2 i get buzzed but not bombed just talk to her and she what she has to say it also seems like you roommate is jealous of both of you and wants to create an issue tell her to but out it was between you two.

Answer 5

most of you people are idiots. Some, stupid feminists.

first off, they're dating. my girlfriend gets very drunk sometimes and we still have sex, (though I have told her I would not when I think she's way drunker than I am). If they normally have sex during the week WITHOUT alcohol, I dont' see how it is rape if she is drunk and they have sex and she consents. It doens't matter if she remembered it or not in my opinion, if they do on a regular basis, and she just happens to get drunk that particular night, and it's her BOYFRIEND for christ sake, then it's not rape.

Answer 6

OK.....if you get drunk because you wanted to and the person your drinking with is your boyfriend (and hes not forcing you to drink) and then later you have sex doesn't sound like being raped to me. Because you did drink because you wanted to.
The same goes for your friend too. She knew that she was being drunk and she knew she had sex the other night so technically you can't really call it being raped

Answer 7

The lack of valid consent does not necessarily mean that the victim explicitly refused to give consent. Generally, consent is considered invalid if it is obtained from someone who is:

* Under any kind of duress (force, violence, blackmail, etc.)
* Judgmentally impaired or incapacitated by alcohol or drugs (legal or otherwise)
* Mentally impaired whether by illness or developmental disability
* Below the age of consent defined in that jurisdiction

Answer 8

College Guy and Kath are right. She wasn't forced into it, kicking and screaming, he didn't emotionally abuse her into it, he didn't slip her a roofie, it's a relationship in the first place, they aren't strangers...words are words and people can say what they want to make things SEEM a certain way, but in the end, everyone knows the difference between being raped and NOT being raped. Sheesh.

Answer 9

yes it is considered Rape in all 50 states due to the fact if you are drunk to the point of not remembering, or even if you remember some of the details, it is legally rape. your friend is right, for i have worked with and at legal offices and this is true, God Bless You Rev. Karen

Answer 10

you know what? you're complicating simple things... it is true that when you're drunk you're incapable of the best decisions. BUT if she's claiming that your friend was raped, or you think you WERE raped then there would be a thing that is called "rape with consent". doesn't it sound stupid? you made love she made love, but to the person who you are considering to be your partners. now what are you going to do? sue your boyfriends?