Its my 30th birthday in september. Hubby says he is taking me out for a meal. Thing is he isnt very romantic and has no imagination when it comes to this sort of thing.
We have been together a long time. For my 16th we didnt do anything but i made him take me shopping for clothes! For my 18th he took me to someones silver wedding anniversary and my 21st was so uninteresting i cant even remember what we did!
Usually just takes me to the harvester or somewhere equally as uninteresting, which for a normal birthday is fine.
For this birthday I was actually hoping to make it special!! For his 30th I arranged a surprise party and made sure he had a great time..
I have told him that if he plans on taking me out to the same old place i would rather not bother. I feel like he only takes me out because he thinks thats what he should do, not because he wants to. I am worried about turning 30...so would rather stay home and get p'd if i'm not going to be able to celebrate!
Selfish????????
2007-06-09 00:53:26 · 30 answers · asked by JustJem 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its not that I expect something because after 16 yrs of being with him i know what to expect. I am just asking if it is selfish for me to say that if its going to be the same as my last 16 birthdays I would rather stay int he comfort of my own home and get p'd rather than making an effort to dress up for 30 mins at my local beefeater eating food which i could cook myself and in an atmosphere which makes you feel like they want you in and out within 20 mins!
2007-06-09 01:15:16 · update #1
I love him to bits and knew what he was like when i married him so not saying that I want him to be something he isnt. I am happy to stay at home if we are not doing something more interesting than the usual!
2007-06-09 02:30:26 · update #2
I would love something like - for him to take us to a nice hotel for a spa weekend, or a night in paris (although he hates france so maybe somewhere else), or to be taken to a nice manor house for the night, or even a trip on the orient express or to alton towers for the day or just something out of the ordinary... He wouldnt even have to put alot of thought into it..
2007-06-09 02:32:24 · update #3
no not at all....on the other hand you should try and motivate him about how you feel when u are together and go somewhere special..you should tell him how you feel and try to suggest going somewhere that you will both like..
2007-06-09 00:57:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem as your husband. No you are not being selfish, but it does sound like he needs to step up. If there is something that you really had in mind drop a hint and make the suggestion somehow to make him feel like it was his idea. If he follows up on that then make sure that you give him a complement on his good job. Also does he know how you are feeling about turning 30??? If you have any doubts you need to share that with him, because he may not understand.
2007-06-09 01:00:23 · answer #2 · answered by thepitboss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are ot being slefish - everyone wants to be treated like their partner thinks they are special now and then.
I know it can be difficult to say to your partner because you feel like you are being ungrateful for everything they do for you so how about giving him a written lst - just like you might do for Christmas. You could say to him that you know it must be difficult trying to decide what to do for your 30th birthday after so many wonderful years together but here are some things you would really like to do - make it easy for him and put the phone numbers and approximate cost on the list. Stress to him that you really want to make this a time for you to share and to remember.
For a long time I despaired of my other half ever doing anything romantic but now I just tell him and then I wait. If you don't say, they don't always know.
2007-06-09 09:40:46 · answer #3 · answered by Leapling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No i don't think you are being selfish at all everyone wants to be made feel special sometimes. My sounds very much like yours, although i havn't been with him as long. I don't remember what we done on my 16th(obviously very exciting), my 18th i sat on a field drinking on my own watching him play football with his friends all day and evening, 21st i decided something had to be done and organised something for myself. And that's what i have done every year since, i don't rely on him to have a good time i make sure i do.
Try talking to him and tll him how you feel, if like in my case it doesn't work then just tell him where you are going for your birthday,don't ask him. I know it's not very romantic but its your life you have to make sure you enjoy it.
Happy Birthday and good luck xxx
2007-06-09 01:04:29 · answer #4 · answered by umbongo1984 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, your man -long term man come to that- wants to take you out for your birtday and you are complaining about this? Selfish? Yeah, I am sorry but I see it that way. Lots of guys wouldn't even bother.
You know your man is not romantic, sounds like you have known it for more than 15 years now, so you are either profoundly unhappy or it has never bothered you.
If it hasn't bothered you before, why now?
How bout let him take you to a brunch, and YOU plan something to do that evening? Best of both worlds that way.
Happy Birthday,good luck, HTH
2007-06-09 00:59:07 · answer #5 · answered by Star 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you would like to something special for your birthday, if you have any ideas then let him know! Men tend to err on the side of caution so help him out! If you want a party or just want him to surprise you then get a friend to tell him that. I dont think its particularly selfish, its your birthday and you would like someone to make a fuss of you - perfectly human!
2007-06-09 01:52:21 · answer #6 · answered by Skating Nun 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not being selfish at all. I have a soon to be husband like you and you really have to spell it out for them!
Why not book the party together i know its not the same as a surprise party but at least you know you will get one!
You seem to put a lot of effort in for his - you deserve it. Also could it be he does not know how to do it etc ? or is worried about getting it wrong?.
2007-06-09 01:01:03 · answer #7 · answered by cottontail 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its your birthday! I'm 30 this year too and would rather let it slip by unnnoticed. Do you have a good friend/relative who could tell your hubby what you would really like to do? Otherwise you may have to be blunt and just tell him. Say that you would prefer a night in and perhaps hint that it would be nice if he cooked or something. Good luck!
2007-06-09 01:00:02 · answer #8 · answered by hiddenmyname 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Somewhat selfish.
Just because you did something for him doesn't mean he owes you something in return.
Also this is your 30th and you talk about him not doing tthings well enough for your 16th birthday, 18th birthday, 21st birthday. You knew what you were getting into so why complain now. You could have dumped him long ago.
You knew what you were getting so deal with it or move on.
2007-06-09 01:00:23 · answer #9 · answered by zippythewonderslugohio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No youre not being selfish at all, for my exs 30th i arranged a surprise afternoon party at her mums house with a proper cake & all the trimmings & ALL of her family attended, then in the evening her mum had our son overnight while she chose where to go (meal- pub-club-the choice was hers) her dad drove us to the best chineese restaurant in the area (HER choice)& collected us afterwards & took us home where we finished the night with some relaxing music while we danced in the candle light & eventualy snuggled up in bed at about 3am. NO you are not being selfish at all
Show your hubby these answers it may get him thinking.
Oh by the way i dont consider myself a romantic bloke at all.
Good Luck!
2007-06-09 02:25:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not selfish at all. It is your birthday and you should be treated like YOU want to be treated and have the people that love you put a little more effort than usual to make your day special
2007-06-09 01:00:28 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋