My husband usually gets up about 30 minutes before I do every morning and very early, when I get up he is already on the computer. During the week when he works he does the same thing and immediately when he gets home from work around 3 p.m. he is back on the computer. I am retired now on a disability pension and we have discussed several time that I feel left out or like the elephant in the room. He assures me angryly of course that he will change his computer habits but they neve do. Even if I suggest watching a movie together or something like having an evening he still manages to play on his computer at the same time. If I have asked for conversation he says he has nothing to talk about, therefore justifying his computer habits. He'll say, "you talk then if you got something to say."
I believe we have a serious problem and he see's what I see as a problem as me being crazy. Does anyone else experience this as a problem. We only got married 6 months ago and are 60 years old.
2007-06-09 00:42:09 · 15 answers · asked by lynnleger11 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
okay you are now known as a computer or internet widow . It used to be golf or football widows .yes he is addicted to the computer and there is nothing you can do about it . You cant help someone that does not want help or think that they have a problem . You have to wait it out or move on . good luck .
2007-06-09 00:46:41 · answer #1 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not 60 but 30 and my husband has being doing this since we met about 9 years ago! I thought it was a fas, I was wrong. I believe he would chose the computer over me, which in fact he has never mind. I feel your pain. The only thing now is I just pretend he is totally not there, I have 3 beautiful children to raise! So he can take his computer and be with it forever! I've been through all the things you listed as well the name calling, him saying he will change, it never happened and it never will. Either get out of the relationship, take the computer, or find a hobbie that's all I can say, we even tried counselors it didn't work.
2007-06-11 11:31:57 · answer #2 · answered by Moon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow Lynn, you only got married 6 months ago and he can't even talk to you or watch a movie with you without being on the computer? Yes, you do have a problem (HE does).
This kind of strikes me as someone who, over the years, got used to the computer as a companion, and now that he's married, he doesn't want to give up that 'companion', because it's been a friend to him for so long. He's probably used to the social life being played out online, and might have problems communicating on a one to one basis.
He really needs to start talking to you. I HOPE that you did not get married simply for financial reasons (you state you retired on a disability pension, and I know that those usually don't end up paying very well). If so, you're in for a life of lonliness with this guy unless he's willing to cut the plug and talk, or get some therapy.
Good luck. Sorry you are in this situation.
2007-06-09 07:56:09 · answer #3 · answered by smallweed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously something on the computer has him completely absorbed. Find out what that is. I spend a lot of time on the computer because I like to write, and fora like Answers and Topix give me plenty to think and write about. That's probably not what he's doing, though, because conversation is more fun person to person than on the computer (yes, I am very lonely).
The suggestion to join him at the computer is a good one, but will only work if he likes to talk about what he's doing. If that's the case, though, give him a chance to show off a bit. Don't be ashamed to flatter his ego. A little physical contact will help as long as you don't hinder his movements--run your fingers through his hair if he has any.
With any luck, you can gradually get his attention more of the time by not insisting that he leave to computer right away in order to converse with you.
2007-06-09 07:58:48 · answer #4 · answered by nightserf 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to monitor what the heck he is doing on the computer. Something is going on here that he is so addicted to the computer.
Did he meet you online?
You certainly don't need this in your life at this time of your life. I would have dropped the computer on his head if he said to me: "he had nothing to say to me or you talk if you have something to say." He would be wearing the monitor as a new hat.
I am almost 60 (October) and I would not, not tolerate this kind of treatment from a man. HECK, we put up with stuff earlier in our lives and we certainly don't have to take it now just to have a man around. I'd sooner be single!
2007-06-09 08:05:27 · answer #5 · answered by Patty G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We've been together nearly 30 years, and yes, the same thing here. He used to be on the computer like you said all the time, but he is on disability and I work, so when I came home, as soon as he went to the bathroom, I logged him off and logged myself on and stayed online for several hours; he got the hint. Now he logs off when I come home and we watch tv or work in the yard together. It may not work for you, but it did for me. Good luck.
2007-06-09 07:48:18 · answer #6 · answered by Mcgranny 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow,that is what my daughter was going through with her husband.So she decided to do same thing,her husband did'nt like it at all.So now he is hardly ever on the computer.Maybe you could try the same thing if you can get on the computer before he does.You should do this for a few days and see how he likes it.Hope it works for you.
2007-06-09 10:02:01 · answer #7 · answered by CRISTINA S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is addicted and needs a reality check. Stop your DSL service. My good friends husband did this too her but he did it in a more uncontolable way, he threw the computer out the balcony door. : 0
2007-06-09 07:51:31 · answer #8 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband had the same problem...He discovered chat rooms and desperate women..It was the end of a 34-year marriage
2007-06-09 07:46:19 · answer #9 · answered by mary2148 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I ask him what he is doing on the computer? Maybe there is something you could do together? Maybe hes speaking to other women?? id look into this?? good luck x
2007-06-09 07:48:23 · answer #10 · answered by PinkAngel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋