Please Critique this Holocaust Poem.?

Question

Please comment on this Holocaust Poem...Is it terrible?
I have never really been a fan of poetry. At a young age my ignorance deemed poetry to be overly melodramatic and rose colored. As an answer to a question on here I wrote my
First poem....What do u think about my Holocaust poem?

The Cries..The Suffering..The Hated...
Cries is what we hear, Suffering is what we feel, For we are The Hated the end is near..Why...Why....Why... Shall thee from Bethlehem- That sacrificed his cattle to Jehovah be the lamb- to the beast that forever eats the wicked twisted cross of German- Why is it that He who bear the holy star of David- Be marked with a Scarlet letter and suffer from such hatred?-
Ohh lord I do not understand- Please..Please..Please. end this misery and take thee back to Bethlehem.

-Considering this is my first poem I think I did pretty good? Please Don`t hesistate to slap me in my face to bring me back to reality! Does this poem suck?

I really appreciate everyone`s input.
Whether the critique is affirmation or negation makes no difference. All input is appreciated. Thanks!

Answer 1

Sounds fine but give it a title. Took me time figuring where your introductory comments end and the poem proper begins.
Could it not be visually more appealing in verse!!
You may also want to reconsider some diction: what if instead of hated - you had hate! what if cries were wails or some other more specific synonym! You may want to delete those two mediaval "thee". They simply do not fit in well.
You may want to read first, the poems of the German poet, Gottfried Benn, he of the German Expressionism school. But since you are a beginning poet, Benn, may not be good for you but any poet of the Nazi period and see what they have to say about your topic. I have in mind one poet who said, "Whenever I hear the word culture, I load my revolver!" I do not recall the name but you may do a search.
All in all, do more practise and start by writing on easily managable topics like a poem to your sweetheart!!

Good luck

Answer 2

You did well,in that you put your feelings about something down in a poetic form. May I suggest that you write your poem in a way that shows the strength in what you want to convey....
The Cries.
The Suffering.
The Hated.
Cries is what we hear.
Suffering is what we feel.
For we are
The Hated,
The end is near.
Why? Why? Why?
Shall thee from Bethlehem,
That sacrificed his cattle to Jehovah be the lamb?
To the beast that forever eats the wicked twisted cross of German.
Why is it that He who bears the holy star of David,
Be marked with the Scarlet letter and suffer from such hatred?
Oh Lord, I do not understand.
Please, Please, Please end this misery and take thee back to Bethlehem.

Answer 3

I generally agree with the previous answers, but I have a comment about the content. This is a Christian prayer (particularly because of that line "that sacrificed his cattle to Jehova be the lamb" - that is Christian theology). I know that also many Christians were killed in the Holocaust, but given the fact that more than half of the victims were Jews I don't think it is good to use a prayer that is definitely Christian and in contradiction with Judaism. So I think it would be better to mention God in general, and leave out such particularly Christian theology.

Answer 4

I can't believe that they would say that the Jews suffered the Holocaust because they did not believe in the "Lord's Way!" This is sick! Then they said that God rains wrath on people's heads if they don't believe the way they say they should. I suppose that 9/11 explosion that killed so many people was just God being wrathful. I suppose the Oklahoma explosion was just God being wrathful, especially to all those little sinning children. I used to call myself Christian, but I think I am changing my mind. The more I hear of these idiots, the more I want to stay away from any so called House of Worship. Should be House of Horrors!

Answer 5

No it does not suck, and for being your first poem then you did rather well. Expressing ones feelings whether it be happiness or sadness or anger is very healthy and for you to express yourself in this way I do have some advice. Use more adjectives to describe the feelings, places, and things. Nothing you write will be done the first time you put it on paper. Everything can be perfected

Answer 6

Were you there?
You obvs mean well but the rhyme scheme undermines the seriousness of the subject matter. I've never seen a poem about the Holocaust that rhymed.
Try lighter subject matter- conveying hope with intelligence and humor is a far greater challenge anyway. We all have within us our own litany of dread.

Answer 7

I think it's great that you want to write a poem about the holocaust to pay tribute to the victims. However, in this one,
the thoughts are just too random. Put more focus in the next one and also make the words flow better.

Answer 8

Keep writing and let your instinct and feelings lead you. You've got a good beginning here.

As a poet (published) and former teacher of lit. including poetry, screw the critics and write what you HAVE TO write. Not everyone will like everything, but hey, that's cool too, as long as people read and react somehow to what you have to say.

Good luck and keep writing.

Maris

Answer 9

i do really like it. although you spelled "oh" like "Ohh" near the end lol. but other than that i thought it was great

Answer 10

pretty good...