can i get a half credit? it is my first sonnet.?

Question

I wrote this sonnet for creative writing class, it was so hard but i managed to get it done. I know the couplets are supposed to be opposite of the rest of the poem but what the heck. Give any comment you like. hate it, like it. anything is cool. sorry for the first one i forgot to put the sonnet.

"The sound of the birds"

Dim sunshine above the blue lake lay
Calm and silent the endless night came back
Crescent moon peeked over the cloudy sky
The trees slept covered with their thick bark

I see birds over my cabin porch
They flew around with the loud wind
Their worm nest, they looked around in search
To find it broken on the cold ground

Now I saw far back when the birds sang
Singing with the wind, in such a peace sound
As if they had a plan to make you sing
And forget about the feeling, sad
They talked in such peace, they sang of the light
Make you forget the darkness of the night

Answer 1

Good try. Keep it up But why the sonnet form!! Sounds to me it's kind of anachronistic, a much harder form than the fashionable modern, free verse!

**to Attitude 600, (response above): Not all sonnets must be Shakespearean. The common feature is the 14 lines but even Shakespeare's Sonnet 99 has 15 lines in any case!!
This is Ben Jonson's sonnet and it does not have the rhyme scheme you prescribe:

http://web.njit.edu/~fjt22/Web%20Site%20Revision/jonson.htm

Answer 2

I like the concept. And, although I agree there should be some flexibility in rhyme pattern and iambic pentameter, you should really try to stick to 10 syllables to each line.

Great first attempt though. They are a challenge, aren't they?

Answer 3

None of stanzas even rhymed. The rhyme scheme for a sonnet is supposed to be: abab cdcd efef gg.

Answer 4

I like it. Most (English) sonnets are in iambic pentameter, though -- your meter is a bit irregular.

Answer 5

As long as your trying its all good.