DONT CORRECT!! please dont comment on what you think of me please keep it to the poem?

Question

When darkness comes,
and all you see is black,
sitting in my darkened world,
where the only sound is the sound of my own crying,
i fall into a deep depression,
where the only thing on my mind are thoughts of death
as i listen to there screaming and banging on the door,
while i soak in the bathtub,
bleeding,
bleeding my pain away,
soaking in my pain and misery,
looking at my wrists,
watching the blood run down my limbs,
as the blood runs down my finger tips
as i bleed my past, present and future away,
feeling as if i was in slow motion,
flash backs of my life appear before my eyes;
scared and torn lost in the pain i hold inside,
crying now seeing my mistakes and pain I've caused
confused by all i know,
hiding from deep inside me where i keep my feelings inside me,
i cant escape them,
they hold me against all that i am.
waiting for it all to come to an end,
so the pain will end and the suffering i go though will stop,
going limp now,
thinking to my self this pain is greater then any pain i have ever felt,
unable to take it back now;
feeling cold
as i start to feel weak and fade away into a non-existent
wishing i could take it back missing each and every second of my life,
wishing i could escape the pain and misery of death,
yearning to be able to feel again,
to be able to see your beautiful face again for at least one more time

Answer 1

Of course, I guess every poet analyst knows that the persona/speaker is not necessarily the poet.

It kind of provokes the images and evokes the passions I felt or I thought some characters felt in "Psycho" and "Fatal Attraction"

The speaker seems to be flirting with suicide, cutting here fingers and bleeding in the shower bathtub. The speaker has fallen "into a deep depression" and certainly bent on killing herself since she is convinced "the only thing on my mind are thoughts of death"

The speaker imagines albeit erroneously, in my view, that her depression with cease by "bleeding my pain away," that is,
"soaking in my pain and misery."

Problem with this self-inflicted torture is that "looking at my wrists" all bloody as a result of razor-blade wounds, and or
"watching the blood run down my limbs/ as the blood runs down my finger tips" might not be the best solution to depression.
However the speaker imagines that "as i bleed my past, present and future away," she is ultimately purging her depression "feeling as if i was in slow motion."

The real source or causes of the depression are keenly overlooked as "flash backs of my life appear before my eyes."
As the speaker listens to some relation banging at the doors, "as i listen to there screaming and banging on the door," she is locked inside "scared and torn lost in the pain" and declines to open as " i hold inside." But what's up inside? She is "crying" But why cry after cutting own self? It is possibly because "now seeing my mistakes and pain I've caused/ confused by all i know" Sounds like self-persecution which indeed can drive one to absurd ends. The speaker cries not because of her self inflicted wounds but because there is this nagging self accusatory finger that she has not lived up to the expectations of those others that are trying to enter the shower room. So "hiding from deep inside me where i keep my feelings inside me" Terrible passions! "i cant escape them," But why do they do this that could ideally lead one to attempt suicide!!

What do they do? " they hold me against all that i am."
Yes indeed! That is the big issue, dropped like a bomb! To hold one against all that they are in my view, implies the ultimate heinous and devious act! It is worth challenging it by Talking Back in disgust. For this kind of deed inflicts a sense of worthlessness in a person. It strikes at the very building blocks of one's self pride and sense of identity!

How does the speaker deal with this condition?

She waits "for it all to come to an end." What to come to an end? And here one comes across the most creative figure of speech. She hopes "the pain will end and the suffering i go though will stop." It is the most profound analogy since it reconnects symbolically, the physical pain to the pain felt in the heart. The bleeding limbs are "going limp now." And the analogy continues " thinking to my self this pain is greater then any pain i have ever felt," Notice the well-placed comma, the sense of expectation which communicates that the pain pain is double-edged, both manifest from the bleeding wounds and latent, some pain felt but hidden within the deepest crannies of the heart. The speaker is helpless,
"unable to take it back now;" this refers to the physical body that has been cut, and "feeling cold", the bleeding has stopped, and as "i start to feel weak and fade away into a non-existent" (quite a loaded concept here). The speaker longs for all this: "wishing i could take it back missing each and every second of my life, /wishing i could escape the pain and misery of death.

And since there is no going back, she can only yearn for the unspeakable "yearning to be able to feel again." But why? we may ask, Feel again? Feel who or what? Is there another person here?
Indeed there is! The speaker yearns "to be able to see your beautiful face again." This indirectly introduces another addressee, the YOU of the poem. And this personage, if one stretches the imagination has proved rather elusive for the speaker, may be the connected to the reason why the speaker attempted to cut self. Again if we stretch interpretation, it is possibly this character, who tried to to bang the shower-room door and possibly the source of the heartfelt pains. The speaker wishes to be able to see this person's a'beautiful face", kind of the reaching out for some love which was becoming state, for reconnection, to feel the elusive warmth again " for at least one more time."

Quite a powerful poem in my estimation. A poem that employs physical pain at he denotative level, to address complex deeper feelings at the conotative level (a few errors abound but we heed and respect the poet's plea and caution).
In short, I think, this is a rich and complex poem, comparable only to Sylvia Plath's memorable, tear-jerking poem, "The Last Words" piece.

Thanks and good luck.

Answer 2

I don't really feel it. I think the problem that I have with a lot of emo/goth poetry is that it so often has an inauthentic, manufactured quality, which is really jarring in a genre that supposedly values heart-on-your-sleeve emotionalism. Where's the anger? Where's the pain? If you're going to write overwrought suicide poetry then spatter us in your blood! Rip open your stomach and strangle us with your entrails! Be vicious! Be terrible! Be true! ...Just make us feel something.

Answer 3

forlorn love, abject despair unrequoited affections. right thats my bullshit quota done for the day. right heres my life poem. when your faced with a brick wall thats too high to climb and too low to crawl under theres only one way through and that is straight through it. fist hammer or your enemies head as a battering ram. if your seriously thinking about suicide cutting your veins wont "ahem" cut it. 4 hours it takes to bleed to death on average, long before that time you will be in an ambulance. if the poem is over a boyfriend/girlfriend well my dear there are plenty more fish in the sea stop dwelling in the past and start fishing.

Answer 4

I find it too repetitive and general. I mean, it's about general pain, suffering (something that happens, "when darkness comes", so, every night) and I think a "poem" has to be more precise than this, more to the point. I would rather read something written at the third and not at the first person, and about one particular, concrete situation, rather than this general confusion of feelings.

Answer 5

Being a caged bird I have read, "Why does the Caged Bird Sings", out of curiosity long before you posted this, and must say its a totally different message. You've put into (other) words, what I've always believed and said (as the good Doc knows), and you affirmed it with your after-words, Love is Freedom, Freedom is love. - Bird 6 (Better late than never) P.S. I do keep a song in my heart.

Answer 6

Wow

Answer 7

mildly reminescent of a Cradle of Filth song. dark, depressing, and scary. i enjoyed it immensly. i almost felt the blood dripping down my arms. just work on your rythem. but sometimes it's fun to let the emotion do the writing. just keep writing.

Answer 8

Quite well written, Interesting Poem, Well Done

I know you said don't comment on you but if it come for yourself and it reflects what you feel, you need to see you doctor

Answer 9

It is very depressing and totally dark and without hope.

Answer 10

it sounds like your heart is broken because of a lost love & you are not coping....very disturbing poem.