seriously people !!!!!!!!!!!?

Question

sorry to say this but , I have a secret, and I want to share with you,but don't judge me.,,I am married (unhappily) for 111/2 years and well I have been seeing someone special for 7 years, and well he has eveything that my husband lacks, and well do you think I should just tell my husband about this??? just to let you know my husband has a very bad temper, and well lets just say I won't go down without a fight,,,just answer my question truthfully,,,

p.s. My husband has put my thru hell, with his violent temper, and I survived his abuse, mental and physical....

Answer 1

I would never condone cheating, but.....I would try to get out of your marriage before you tell him. I If he is as violent as you say then I would pack all of my stuff one day while he is at work and have all of it at someone else's house and let them know where you will be and have a cell phone with you so that if he does try to hurt you you can call for help.Then after you get out of the marriage I'd cool off on the other relationship you have going on for a while or until the divorce has been filed and finalized then you are free to date whom ever you want and you won't have to worry about him thinking you were cheating and it setting him off so that he would hurt you and the "special someone."

Good luck

Answer 2

If you really didn't want to be judged, you wouldn't have spilled your 'secret.' In a forum like this, you better expect to be judged, for that's part of any advice to be given. Sometimes, the truth hurts, even when it isn't intended to.

In this day and age, with the laws against spousal abuse (for both sexes) there really is no excuse for staying in such a situation. As another has pointed out, your 'special friend' has been in the picture after 4 years of your marriage. If it was that bad, why have you waited this long to get yourself safe? Any chance you give as good as you get? Either way, you do not have a relationship with your current husband, you simply co-habitate. Two wrongs never make a right, so the question you need to answer for yourself, is which wrong am I going to correct? Personally, I would start with the abuser.

Answer 3

That's a tough question. Some would take the morality angle and say of course you have to tell him since he is your husband. Couples shouldn't have any secrets.

At the same time I ask myself what would be the value? That stirs up a lot of trouble, it would make you even more unhappy, and it accomplishes nothing. So I'd vote for not telling him. If you've managed to keep this secret for so long and gotten a bit of happiness for yourself, there's no point spoiling it.

But I also have a feeling you can't keep this up forever. Sooner or later you're going to make a mistake and he's going to find out and at that point you're going to have to face the consequences. That could be years from now, it could be tomorrow.

So maybe it would be a good idea to think about your situation. If you're so happy with this other fellow why don't you settle down with him? I suppose sometimes a love like that isn't partner material so that could be one answer. I suppose too he might also be married.

The other question is why you put up with your husband. If he's making your life miserable and you have to walk on eggs all the time, that kind of a life has to be hell. I expect you've probably got a few reasons why you do put up with it. But do they justify being unhappy and at the same time having to find happiness elsewhere?

Obviously only you can answer those questions and I can understand if you don't want to face them since to do so means you're in for some turbulent changes.

I guess my answer to you is not to tell him, there is nothing to be gained by telling him and a lot to be lost. At the same time too though, I think it may be time to really question what you are getting from each guy and what is more important to you, the fellow you are happy with or the life you presently have with your husband. Eventually he will find out and you'll be forced to confront those questions and do something about them. Now would be better than later when it's forced on you.

Answer 4

The day you slept with someone else should have been the day your divorce was finalized. Didn't you promise to be his alone? Since you have done the deed get done with it ASAP. Once a cheater always a cheater. Sorry for the lack of sympathy. Move out and just file the divorce papers and have him served. A call to let him know may or may not be in order. But, don't be near violent people unless you want to be treated violently.

Answer 5

First of all, I'd like to say to you: You are a very strong person and I applaud you for that. I can see why you have kept it a secret for so long. What you need to do is do what I did with my abusive husband. Leave and go to the nearest police station and tell them you need help. Tell them what is going on and they will help you. Then file for divorce and get out of that relationship as soon as possible. Again, I applaud you for finally making a stand for this. I believe you telling people what is happening will help other women get through this same situation also.

Answer 6

If you're not happy and he's abusive the question should be why the he** are you still there? I would pack up as much as possible while he's at work and not be there when he gets back!! File an emergency restraining order and divorce papers. I don't believe in it but in cases like this it's justified.(by the abuse) As for the affair, I would make sure you live in a no fault state or you could be in for a messy ride. Best of luck and seriously RUN!!!

Answer 7

Unless you are wanting more abuse, I would consider not telling him. Consider that it is time to be honest, and make plans to move out and get a divorce. Make a written plan, consider how you may be able to exit the residence without him being aware. You will still be responsible for over drafts on joint bank accounts and late payments on joint credit cards, so take care of these as soon as you exit. Don't forget to see a lawyer, get a restrainting order, and etc.

Answer 8

Dear Serious, SERIOUSLY! Are you looking for more trouble? Why would you tell him? Just leave, do what ever you need to do, make your arrangements, put money away, do what ever but don't stay there. 7 years? Why did you marry your husband if you've been involved with guy for all those years? Sounds like you already made up your mind to leave so just do it.

Answer 9

Well you need out of this marriage, and crap will hit the fan when you tell him you want out, and there's nothing wrong with you wanting out , but you cheated on him wrong or right you still did it. I should not bring up the boyfriend at all with anyone, you should cool it for a while while you go get a lawyer and file for a divorce, I wish you the best of luck things will get worse before they get better.

Answer 10

Yes I believe even though he has done these things to you, He deserves to know the truth. If you are afraid of what he might do or say.. Do it in a letter or an email or maybe even a phone call.. Everyone deserves to know the truth. What if you were him, wouldn't you want to know? I got cheated on 3 times by my ex and I always had to find out for myself, and it hurts. Do tell him right away!!