I was reading in my psychology book today about how people are very defensive about their self-concept (the way they seem themselves). People will often ignore or deny things that they have done so that they don't lower their self-concept. But, my book doesnt explain how one can come to realize that they need to face reality. But how can one do that without feeling terrible about themselves? Must they always have some sort of guilt inside for what they did? Is there a way that someone can face a bad experience/decision without feeling shame?
2007-06-08 17:45:58 · 9 answers · asked by Peace 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
There is a way. Its called "Let it go".
2007-06-08 18:14:09 · answer #1 · answered by Max 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have earned guilt, you should feel guilty. If you have done something to be ashamed of, you should feel shame.
It has gotten ridiculous the way one is never supposed to say anything negative about another's behavior in order to facilitate their feeling good about themselves. Sometimes one shouldn't feel good about oneself, and society is creating monsters by expecting any differently.
The most ridiculous bumper sticker I've ever seen is, "My child is an HONORED student at some stupid school." What that sticker says to me is that the kid didn't make any honor roll, and many don't, that's ok, and shouldn't be a negative, but please, how stupid is that sticker? I guess it made the school money, but what else? Children should not be given a false sense of success, or how will they know and evaluate when to really succeed?
Another stupid misuse of a word is Hero. Everyone is not a hero. I am not. I'd like to think I might be, if the occasion presented itself, but maybe not. There is a big billboard in my town for the National Guard, calling them heroes for being in the guard. I am sorry, enlisting doesn't make one a hero, actions make one a hero, and believe me if these service personnel are too stupid to realize that, probably they won't become heroes. And how does that devalue real heroes, if every schmuck in a uniform is touted as one?
So, self deception can only work if everyone colludes and tells you that you are wonderful. If you have to face the legitimate negative reactions of others to your unacceptable behavior, or whatever, I would suggest that you won't be able to delude yourself for long.
2007-06-09 01:03:41 · answer #2 · answered by LodiTX 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is where a person has to understand that any feeling no matter how disgusting or terrible is merely a feeling. Anyone can discard the past and old actions and feelings like a dead skin and move on as soon as they decide to do so. The past is dead, buried, finished. You cannot change it. All you can do is begin again and reform yourself anyway you choose. You can symbolically take all your garbage (stuff that makes you feel terrible) and bundle it up in your mind and actually dump it in the dumpster. Watch the dump truck pick it up and carry it out of your life forever. You are now clean, begin again in a new fresh way. Try it, it works. It got me through all of my childhood sexual abuse. Keep trying, you have to practice, a lot.
2007-06-09 01:11:49 · answer #3 · answered by Zenawoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty and forgiveness! It took me a very long time to learn what these two words really mean. Through much training, I have learned to be honest with myself. If I have done wrong, I take responsibility. Then the tough part ...... forgiving myself. I used to mentally beat myself up over things I did in the past. By learning to forgive myself I have a much better view of my life and how I am living it. After I forgive myself, I have to be honest with myself and resolve to make changes for the positive.
By the way, if your action effected someone else, an HONEST apology must precede self-forgiveness.
Good luck.
2007-06-09 05:12:10 · answer #4 · answered by Tim O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, being aware that mistakes are inevitable & they are a way to learn, grow & change for the better. It comes from allowing yourself the room to be in error w/out it ruining how we see ourselves. Truly, this is how we should see ourselves: as perfect beings having a human experience. So letting God put opportunities for growth in our path (trials & problems) so we can learn from these times for our betterment. Being humble enough to know that we may need to change our behavior or attitude.
Realizing that mistakes can help us learn is how we need to be instead of being defensive & thinking that we failed or will be judged harshly by others. Often, this is what the true problem is, we don't want to have others think we are not perfect. Self perception is often how we think others think of us. Or at least this is my opinion. :)
2007-06-09 00:55:21 · answer #5 · answered by SpaGirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I must say I agree with Socrates and Pooshay on this one. You must accept that upon asking you are forgiven but you must also make sure to not stumble blindly into that mistake again. And even if you do it happens to plenty of people all the time, not that that's much of an excuse.
2007-06-09 00:54:55 · answer #6 · answered by pandora_spider_13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sure, they need to realize they are human. humans are not perfect. sometimes we do some pretty raunchy things. we have to forgive ourselves and go on
2007-06-09 00:49:57 · answer #7 · answered by llibp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray about it and ask for forgiveness. If HE forgives then don't worry about anything else.
2007-06-09 00:50:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
simple wisdom says to learn from it and move on
2007-06-09 00:48:28 · answer #9 · answered by Socrates 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋