My husband left for Iraq this morning.....?

Question

My husband just left to return to Iraq. He was home on his leave for two weeks after only 2 1/2 months there. Now he has about another 12 months to go before he gets to come home. I don't think he will have another leave in that time. I miss him so much already, and I am afraid for his safety. We have been married for only about a year and a half, and most of that time we spent apart due to Basic Training, AIT, etc. This is his first deployment. I'm trying to be strong, but don't quite know how to make time pass quicker. I know this question has been asked many times already by different people, but does anyone have any suggetions on how to cope, and how to make this easier for him as well? Anybody in a similar situation?
Please, serious answers only. This is hard enough without people being jerks about it.
Thank you

I don't believe my husband is a murderer. He is a medic, and joined the military in order to provide a decent future for us. I did know that I was marrying someone going into the military and that it was going to be hard. But no one can be prepared for how hard it is.
As for the cheating answer, I would NEVER do that to him. I love him with all my heart and could never hurt him.
School and work are two things that I have planned to keep me busy. Thank you for all the other suggestions, and thank you for the support to all those who have given it.

Answer 1

First off thank you to your husband for serving our great country. To you, thank you also. I know you must be in great suffering, missing him and being afraid for him. I will be praying for him to be safe and to come home soon.

I don't know what you could do to speed up time, but if you can find something to busy yourself with, that makes time go by quicker. ......Maybe volunteer somewhere, like a hospital or an old peoples home. Helping others and busying yourself so you don't sit around thinking too much. Ask the service people if they have support groups you could go too. Go places, see things. Find new hobbies. Read. Exercise, lift weights. There are many, many things you could do. The hardest times will be at night, when you aren't as busy, pray a lot then. Make new friends. I'll pray for you too.

Read yourself to sleep at night. I know he misses you too and it must be the hardest thing for him to leave you and his family and friends to go to defend our country. I pray God makes him brave and you too, and for him to come home soon. Thank you again.

One more suggestion, start a journal so that when he comes home he can catch up on all that has happened.

Answer 2

Yeppers similar situation here, my husband is in Iraq has been gone now 8 months with 6 left to go, he left in October and was sent home on Emergency leave in December. He left to go back Jan 2, 07.. So yeah I will not see him for a year from that date plus dates.. Here is what I did, I went into a crazy state of depression when I thought about a year away from him, this is our first deployment and we have been married almost 3 years.. So anyway after March, I decided I cannot live my life depressed all the time, it does not pass the time and it dont help a damn thing.. I have been keeping myself very busy, I come on here (YA), do myspace, we go shopping alot, I spend a lot of time making boxes up to send him.. We go to the park, on walks, etc.. But what has helped me the most is.. My husband got a Iraqi cell phone, it cost I think 80 when he got it but if he dont call me it dont cost him anything, it took me along time to get a good phone card to call him but if you search da bomb phone card, they are the best for 20 dollars you can get about 900 minutes.. And there you go we talk about 3 times a day, and someday we dont talk so we can miss each other.. It is great to know I get to call him when I wake up, and he is the last person I hear before I go to bed, I guess it gives me some reason to keep going.. That and I know sooner then never he will be home to me a hero and be all mine for some amount of time. Keep you heard up sweetie it will go a lot faster then you think, it just takes a Lil time to get into the groove of things..

Answer 3

I know what you are going through. My husband went to Desert Storm when we had only been married 18 months. We have been married 18 years now and he has been to Iraq twice in the last 3 years, with only 7 months between 1-year-long deployments. He came back from the last one in Sept and will be going on his 3rd tour in a couple of months. It will be harder this time because we moved to a new post when he came back to the States in Sept and I don't have any friends here and the FRG is bumbling around in the dark about getting any structure set up to deal with the spouses after the guys leave.
My kids kept me quite busy during the deployments, my oldest was 6 during the first deployment to Iraq and my twins were only 8 weeks old when he left. I emailed him every night, sent him care packages once a months and bought a pile of cards to send him on random days. I participated in support groups as well as regular civilian communty activities. The second deployment, I was pregnant with my son and had to go to a lot of high-risk OB appointments and frequent tests because I had high blood pressure, but I still did care packages for him and we baked cookies and stuff to send to him.
You just take it a day at a time. Don't think about how many months, weeks, days are left until you get down to like the last 90 days or less. Otherwise it seems overwhelming and never ending. I had a little chalkboard that our Family Readiness Group sold that had "___ days til my soldier comes home." on them. I got it when there was about 6 months left, but the days got too everwhelming. So I wasn't changing the number except once a week until it got down to the last 60 days. Then I changed it every night. But then he got delayed 4 extra days because the plane had a run in with a catering truck on the runway and had to be repaired and they had to wait all together with their gear in Germany.
Hang in there, you will find what works best for you. But do know that if you do feel overwhelmingly depressed, there are couselors through the military mental healthcare system (and TRICARE covers for care from civilian providers) as well as antidepressant medication if you need it. Don't be afraid to take advantage of that assistance if needed.

Answer 4

Get together with other wives in this same situation-I know on bases they have groups and clubs for this..You guys can support each other...To help your husband through this is just keep living your life at home and take care of everything that needs to be taken care of w/o calling or writing to him about these little things all the time. The more he knows you are safe and happy and handling things, it takes the worry about you away. Send him lots of cards, photos, dvd's, and tapes of yourself and kids (if you have them) and talk to him about the good things that are going on. The worse thing to do is complain and sound so down about things because then his mind will always be on your troubles instead of concentrating on his job and safety over there. If you wnt to make the time pass quicker, join one of those wives groups, volunteer, get a job, go back to school, live your life with a purpose and you'll find that time will pass quicker for you because you are concentrating on yourself instead of him, which you have no control over.
I know it's tough for you and so many women are going through this as well, so that's why meeting other wives and girlfriends in the same situation makes it much easier for you.
Good Luck!!

Answer 5

My heart goes out to you both as well as all of the families in your position. Thank you for being so unselfish with your husband during this trying time for our country.

Small goals. Get a calendar and plan on fixing stuff around the house in anticipation of his return. Make your plans simple and do not set goals that you will not be able to achieve or you will become discouraged.

Also, you may want to start a book club with other wives. This is a great opportunity to get together and share ideas. Or if you live around other wives whose husbands left maybe you can get together and work on the goals together. Like painting, or redoing something in the yard, etc. Two or three of you can get alot done together.

When you are in contact with him, sound as upbeat as you can. Let him know you are busy in anticipation of his return. I would think that would lift his spirits as well. Give him something extra special to look forward to.

Answer 6

Be Proud for you husband, he is noble. I know there is a saddness when your apart, but you must always believe he is coming home. Till then You'll do your part to take care of your family, spend time with REAL friends, and write him every chance you think of him. (Don't send all of the sad ones, save those in a book for another time in life)

I would join a church, or some positive group, that will help and support you through your times. People will help when you ask for it, not when you expect it. Be with people, say busy, get a job, be faithful.

Keep Busy, Keep him in Mind. STAY FAITHFUL TO HIM, DON'T BE A CHEATER.

Answer 7

Go on a road trip or do something which takes your mind off the loliness. Try this. Go on the website volunteermatch.com. Fill out the sign up form and get registered. Type in your zip code and youll see so many activities to get your mind off the loneliness your experiancing. Also you can join a health club, join a support group, or you can always take up drinking.

Answer 8

My wonderful brother is a Marine, and a proud one at that. He is married though, and our family feels for his wife Megan. She is in Cali, and we are all in Texas. What she has seemed to do to make his tours (this is his fourth) go faster is to find things to do daily to occupy her time. She does Party Lite parties, and also babysits on top of her job. When he calls, or emails, she makes sure to tell him how proud he is, even though she's dying to say "QUIT COME HOME NOW!". She has found lots of websites who are support groups for military wives. Talk to some of the local wives and girlfriends that are part of his platoon, usually they feel the same way, and maybe make a group of it. Get together once a week for support. Whatever you do, just remind him that you are proud to be his wife, and most importantly, that you love him. Another way to make him feel good, make a care box that has letters from local friends and family or the community so he knows he is missed and appreciated. Tell him thank you for his service, it is most appreciated! Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 9

not sure what to do to make things easier for him except maybe not worrying him too much with stuff that is happening here that he can't fix while he;s over there. that's just my opinion.

to make time pass for you -- try to have some goals of things you want to do. like let's say you've been meaning to repaint the bathroom or you've been wanting to read a certain book. have a plan of things to do and set your mind to getting them accomplished. like take a flower arranging class, etc., sew up that quilt you've been putting off -- whatever it is or whatever you've been wanting to do, get a list together and start making some plans -- day by day, week by week, month by month. something that you can do for YOU since when he's back here you'll be devoting your time to him.

Answer 10

i absolutely understand what you are feeling and going through. the best thing that you can do is to keep your mind as busy as possible. work out, stay in close contact with girlfriends, give yourself down-time if you have kids. if you can afford to, get a massage occasionally. you cannot force yourself to not feel the pain and anxiety of what you are dealing with. all you can do is say, "i have a right to feel sad, scared, and lonely. it is very normal for what i'm going through." keep praying for your husband's safety and for your own well being. avoid temptation by not being alone much with other guys...that's a difficult situation when you're lonely. try to stay in touch with your husband through e-mail as much as possible. (i know they have communication black-outs sometimes, but do as much as possible). don't let your fears control you, and you will be just fine. keep your chin up, girl. i'm very thankful that your husband is brave and proud (regardless of what any of us think about the war, these people are to be appreciated).