I live in VA. My husband and I have been talking about divorce and separating when he comes back from deployment. I would like to move out before he comes home because we fight a lot. I want to avoid fighting in front of the kids when he gets home and when we do argue it gets really bad and i am afraid that it will be worse when he gets home. We talked about over the phone and he seems fine but I don't know what he will tell the lawyers later. I know it considered abandonment but what does that really mean and how does that affect me and what are the consequences if i do move out? I really cant be here when he comes home cause i am afraid of his temper. Do i have to wait till he comes home and kicks us out?
2007-06-08 16:01:03 · 12 answers · asked by sandy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Abandonment is after a year of not seeing or speaking to your spouse and/or children. There will not be any punishments for you if you move before he comes home. Thats bogus.
2007-06-08 16:05:28 · answer #1 · answered by mommy4two05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! What a combination of factors here. There were no abandonment issues to deal with, except in my heart, when my husband left me five years ago. Are you planning on taking the kids with you? If you are, there are no abandonment issues, only possible future custody battles. If you are thinking about deserting the kids, because you cannot take it anymore, as long as you talk with a lawyer about those kind of arrangements, no one will get you for abandoning children. I'd talk to a lawyer, though, if you are afraid it will be more than just fighting. A restraining order is only necessary if you feel your life is in danger. If it's just miserable, then, most definitely, don't wait. Talk to a chaplain, counselor, lawyer, somebody. KNOW YOUR ALTERNATIVES.
2007-06-08 23:23:29 · answer #2 · answered by C Sunshine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For your safety, yes. Move out before he comes home. Coming home from a war zone with possibly post-traumatic stress disorder, does a lot of things to people.
However, I have to say this - dont give up on your marriage so easily. Talking on the phone is misrepresentative and can make it seem worse than it really is.
Here is a good plan: move out (stay with a female relative or friend or parents - dont stay alone so you wont cheat). Then both of you go for extensive counseling - meeting at the counselors office only. I think you can get some referrals from 1-800-FAMILY or http://family.org
2007-06-08 23:12:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have children do not move. You can ask HIM to leave. But do not move if you have kids in the home. That WOULD be considered abandoning the marriage and taking the children and it wouldn't turn out very favorably for you. I suggest you talk this over with a lawyer before you make any decisions, and he won't be able to kick you out if you have children.
2007-06-08 23:07:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you can move out. Let his lawyer try to call it abandonment; because you have a history of violence and you and your lawyer can call it 'running from an abusive spouse'!
There is a way to do things though! MOVE OUT AND LEAVE A SEPERATION AGREEMENT ON A TABLE FOR HIM TO LOOK OVER AND SIGN AND MAIL BACK TO THE COURTS. YOU WILL ALSO HAVE ONE SERVED BY A SHERIFF WHEN HE RETURNS TO MAKE IT LEGAL. You should consult a lawyer to write this up for you.
It will cover child support you are asking, (be reasonable according to his salary, the lawyer will tell you how much to ask.) child visitation/custody-shared custody~~which ever you feel is appropiate. It will SEPERATE ALL YOUR ASSETS, FURNITURE, BANK ACCOUNTS(DO NOT TAKE IT ALL)~lawyer will advise you on this too, if he is a ''fair one''.
ETC....ETC...CARS....BOATS.....WHO LIVES WHERE...YES, YOU DO DISCLOSE WHERE ""HIS""CHILD IS LIVING...DO NOT BE FRIGHTENED. Absolutely everything is seperated and given ownership to you or him in this paper.
That way he will know that you are serious about wanting to be out of the his life, as it stands. You can file for a divorce after living apart for one year, if he does not contest it, or for two years if he does and wants to amend the agreement or no divorce at all. THE LAWYER WILL ADVISE YOU OF VA LAWS...I live in MD and can only offer that law.
That way, you are out. You are not hiding his child from him. Just get a restraining order if he attempts to contact you with violence/arguments. TELL HIM YOU ARE NON-NEGOITIATABLE ON THE SEPERATION. BE STRONG. BE SAFE.
FOR YOUR OWN PROTECTION AND SAFETY AND TO KEEP YOUR CHILD....DO NOT DATE ANYONE TILL YOU ARE DIVORCED. DON'T GIVE THEM AMMUNITION! GOOD LUCK.
2007-06-08 23:15:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you can move out with the kids and file for a divorce.
But maybe you should try marriage counseling if he will agree, to try and save your marriage. If he won't go, you should go yourself. Because you said your marriage vows which are for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer til death do us part. If he hasn't committed adultery, then you don't have the only reason God gives for divorce. So separation until he seeks help would be okay. He sounds like he needs anger management classes. You need co dependent meetings or counseling. Ultimately for the safety of yourself and your children you should move out from him until he gets into a recovery program and gets a handle on himself.
2007-06-08 23:17:12 · answer #6 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar situation. I am male and my wife has left me again for the 4th time now due to our situations. Never physical!!!!! Threatening but not physical thus far. Abandonment is if you have left him for a period of 1 year. talk to him on the phone or in a public place to make sure you and your kids are safe. But 1st talk to a lawyer, consultation is free.
2007-06-08 23:21:18 · answer #7 · answered by russbillen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO you do not have to wait if your afraid of him dont wait get out you are not abandoning him but if you are unsure call a lawyer they all have free consultations they can answer your questions and tell you the best road to take
2007-06-08 23:15:20 · answer #8 · answered by marti 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not abandoning your husband. You're removing yourself from an abusive husband. And, no, don't wait til he comes home and kicks your teeth in. Move out before he comes home and seek legal advice in the meantime.
2007-06-08 23:20:53 · answer #9 · answered by Sondra 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ABANDONMENT IS NOT MOVING OUT TO GET AWAY FROM YOUR SPOUSE. ABANDONMENT IS WHEN YOU MOE OUT, DON'T TELL WHERE YOU ARE AND DON'T SUPPORT YOUR FAMILY. IN THIS CASE WHO WOULD YOU BE ABANDONING? HE HAS A MEANS OF SUPPORT, ALTHOUGH HE STILL HAS A RESPONSIBILITY TO SUPPORT YOU UNTIL THE DIVORCE AND THE KIDS GOES ON UNTIL , WELL SEEMS LIKE FOR EVER.
2007-06-08 23:07:46 · answer #10 · answered by BOOMBOOMBILLY 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋