Bombrise
The oriental lobe of a brain
In a twilight induced pain
Between barriers and borders
And bad clusters
Wasn't there the sunrise
Once upon a time?
2007-06-08 14:11:49 · 21 answers · asked by zerg 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
After reading this I would definitely say, "Don't quit your day job." =<)
2007-06-08 14:21:52 · answer #1 · answered by Sir Grandmaster Adler von Chase 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your poem really isn't that bad
so don't you be so sad
cause, you just might find
my poem won't escape your mind
your poem just doesn't rhyme
not at any of the time
I think they always should
that's what makes them good
The tiny cells of a brain
are almost all the same
some are smarter than others
just like sisters and brothers
don't you worry your heart
or let out a stinky fart
cause the sun will always rise
watch with your very own eyes
this poem just doesn't make sense
kinda like yours, but hence
at least mine rhymes...
all of the times!!
2007-06-08 21:31:22 · answer #2 · answered by chriswalsh575 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I love it, even though I find it kind of saddening...It's very clever!! :) I don't think the fourth line fits though...it isn't long enough; just my opinion though...lol! Good job!!!
2007-06-08 21:21:50 · answer #3 · answered by Andra Blitz 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I liked it.
I think that you should definitely try for more clarity though.
2007-06-16 08:35:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's great, but of you wanted to publish it, say good-bye, cause' someone might try to take it, now. Good luck!
2007-06-08 21:18:06 · answer #5 · answered by jollyrancha243 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ummm it's kinda catchy, not my usual thing but hey to each their own
2007-06-08 21:15:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I liked it. Definite potential. Take the idea here and run with it. You could do alot with it.
2007-06-08 21:44:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
good-o
from Dicey's song
2007-06-09 02:08:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
try for more clarity, I do not understand this work.
2007-06-13 23:23:48 · answer #9 · answered by pat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wish I could know you
21
2007-06-09 04:15:18 · answer #10 · answered by kireni 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋