I'm dating a man in his early 50's who has never been married. We've been together a little over a year. It's been hard sometimes because he is used to his own space, his own bed, etc.. and adjusting to having me there has been difficult for him at times. He knows he is like this, and for the most part he does try to make me feel comfortable.. but is there any thing I can do to make him feel at ease without making him feel like I'm invading his space? I'm not a pushy person, I don't invade his space, but as his girlfriend, I want to feel comfortable at his place. He's been hurt before, years ago.. and I think part of it is him letting me in his house and his heart...
2007-06-08 13:50:49 · 11 answers · asked by Dee 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You sound like a very patient and understanding woman. It's a tough situation, because he simply isn't used to sharing his life with someone. It will take time.
Gradual changes are the key, I think. Trying to have the closeness and intimacy you'd like to have all at once will just scare him off. Choose just one or two ways in which you'd like to be more involved in his life. Talk to him about how you feel, and emphasise you don't want to change him, you just want to be closer to him. After a while, he will realize that not only can he share aspects of his life with you, but that he will want to.
HBJ
2007-06-08 14:06:55 · answer #1 · answered by Hunchback Jack 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a toughie, because you seem to want things that are contrary. If you had just asked what you could do to feel comfortable at his house, I'd say talk to him about your having some of your things at his house. A few changes of clothes in the closet, a drawer or two in the bureau, some of your things in the kitchen, livingroom, bedroom. Those kinds of things would acclimate him to your being there, and be convenient for you and help make you comfortable. But, at the same time, you're asking how to reassure him that you aren't invading his space, which is exactly what taking your things to his house would do. If the underlying problem is his being reluctant to become intimate because of his previous experience, maybe couples therapy would help.
2007-06-08 14:04:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Last I've heard, nope. You're allowed to grab hair. If it is sticking out from under the helmet, it is considered part of the jersey and, therefore, fair game. One of my favorite players, Troy Polamalu of the Steelers, has that happen. I should say, though, rules change all the time in the NFL. But that's how it was last season.
2016-05-20 06:04:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just from reading your question you sound like a very sweet couple. You each seem to want the other to feel comfortable and at ease.
I think you are correct, it's more than him just letting you into his house. He is also letting you into his heart.
I know it's been over a year but when you think about it that's not very long. You're both still adjusting to your new living arrangement. Just keep talking it out as you go. My very best to both of you.
2007-06-08 14:18:39 · answer #4 · answered by seashell 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been divorced for over 10 years and have lived with 3 since then. It is very hard letting someone back in. It may take longer than anyone may think. Just don't give up on him. Giving up is the easy way, but sticking it out with him is the hard part. After a while he will realize that you mean every word you tell him and can not live with out you. I am still looking for that person. Good luck and don't give up!
2007-06-08 14:04:13 · answer #5 · answered by lifescircle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is letting you into his house and especially his heart, then I think things will turn around for you both. You said that he had been hurt by someone years ago. Try to get him to quit thinking about the past, and just work on the future you both have.
2007-06-08 14:17:01 · answer #6 · answered by Joe S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may just have to have patience with him and continue to let him know that you are there for him and not there to push him. I have male friends in their 50s and 60s who have never been married and never will because they have closed themselves off to new and different. Your guy is trying....give him a chance but don't do it forever. Everyone should have an out.
2007-06-08 13:58:19 · answer #7 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to anyone who tells you to "change him".
There's something many people go by but they only quote half of it...
If they loved me, they wouldn't try to change me. True
But I like the idea, in a relationship, that
If they loved me, they won't try to change me, but if I love them I will try to change for them... - both people have to have this mindset and what it speaks of really is communication, understanding, and compromise.
If he's trying, let him know you appreciate it and don't push him and try to force something he's already working on with you. If you let him know what you appreciate and that you do want "more", but that you are patient, this will likely do more to help the relationship than anything else you could do.
My opinion...for what it's worth
2007-06-08 14:28:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he truly loves you, there shouldn't be a problem letting you in to his house or his heart or his space. He sounds like he is not mature enough to me.
2007-06-08 13:57:43 · answer #9 · answered by Iron Rider 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he been alone most of his life its it reallly worth the hassle he need to adjust to having your around now , and no you are his girlfriend and act like it to, if he really love you he would change is behaviour...
2007-06-08 14:01:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋