how do you get your spouse to communicate with you and take it seriously?

Question

I'll try talking to him while he's doing nothing and He'll totally brush me off like I'm being silly. our marriage totally lacks communication and I'm really trying to get things better and I totally understand I can't make him do anything but How could I encourage him to participate in communicating he just doesn't seem like he want's to make ne effort what so ever.

Answer 1

It seems like men act this way when they have intimacy issues, or know something is wrong with the way they are acting, but are too embarrassed/immature to deal with it. Sometimes, they are too lazy/comfortable to change. That is when you have to change. You have choices. You can demand counseling (last resort) or you can try to change your own behavior and interests (within the bounds of marriage) and kind of "move on" from the circle of behavior that you are experiencing. If he sees that he is not in a comfort zone anymore, and you are distancing yourself from his behavior, then it may be enough catalyst for him to start trying to communicate with you or to change. You have to be bold and honest about what you need when you do start communicating. Don't focus on what he does wrong, focus on what you feel you need to feel loved in the relationship. Flowers, affection, attention, respect, honesty, whatever it is you feel you are lacking. You need to tell him what would make you feel like you are receiving these things. You also need to ask him what he wants and make an honest effort to fulfill his needs, as well. But, unless you start picking yourself up out of the rut you guys are in, he will never lack enough to get to this point. Don't treat him cruel, cheat or be petty, but do force yourself to be strong and happy regardless of his current behavior. You can still say "I love you" but make it clear that you do not love his behavior, or lack of good behavior. He will come around. If not, you have to decide if you want to live that way. If he doesn't come around, you need to tell him that you want to make the most of the marriage and need to make changes and/or go to counseling to continue with the marriage.

Answer 2

I will usually ask him if he has time to sit down and talk, and when he has the time, I make sure there are no distractions e..g tv.,radio, calls, etc. Then I approach whatever the subject I have in a calm manner while doing my best to not point blame in any direction but more focus on how to improve or solve the problem at hand, asking for his feedback first is always helpful to get it started. I notice often people will start off a conversation blaming the other, and so I make sure to step back and try a more tactful approach.

Answer 3

I guess I would have to say if you didn't have good communication prior to marriage, why would you think you would have it after!! And also consider your presentation. If you are constantly just going after him, why would he want to communicate. Learn better communication skills, treat him with respect and don't nag. Ask his opinion on things and in general don't give him reason to tune you out. Men are not interested in the mundane things women want to scratch about. Find other ways to make your presentations.

Answer 4

Not knowing the full background of the situation. I would say when you talk to her/him is it without distraction. No conversation should ever take place on the phone, in the car, or around where other people can eavesdrop and put there two cent in. Talk somewhere without interruption would be a start for me.

Answer 5

Get the book, Connecting with Your Wife, then do what it says. Then, get the book Communication, Sex and Money from Dr. Ed Cole. Do What It Says!! You will love life, so will your spouse!

Answer 6

When I want to with my husband I just say "I'd like to have a serious talk with you sometime this evening with NO fighting. So, could you please let me know when your done?" (with whatever he's doing at that moment) Now all I have to say is "family meeting" and he's ready to have a serious discussion. No jokes. No arguing. No yelling.

Answer 7

you can encourage, maybe you can go for counseling,
bottom line; you cannot change another person. if you try
to make someone into something they don't want to be you
will both wind up upset and disappointed.

Answer 8

Kindly let him know that when he has a moment, you'd like to get his opinion on something.

Answer 9

I'm having the same problem with my husband

Answer 10

sit him down and tell him how you feel. show him little by little that you trust him and that your his best friend instead of getting mad at things ignore it if its a little problem then little by little he will open up.