My fiancé and I have been together for almost 2 years.Right after we moved in together I got pregnant and its been rough ever since.Anyway, since I have met him he lies over the dumbest things. I mean things I would probably be aggravated at if he told me, but when I find out after the fact I get really pissed off that he lied or tried to cover up certain things. We have had many discussions on this and he keeps saying he won't lie anymore but he does!Example, he lies over spending $, it's not usually a lot, but he won't give me receipts b/c he doesn't want to tell me he spent it, and I'll find out when I'm going through the bank statements. Or he'll lie about smoking (he's trying to quit)Our relationship is in enough trouble as it is. I don't need him lying over DUMB stuff like this and I don't know what to do! he says he thinks it's better to lie if it will keep a fight from taking place, but what if he starts lying about bigger things?!Am I being stupid to worry about his behavior?
2007-06-08 12:44:59 · 9 answers · asked by LiL' Momma 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The things is, yeah I do nagg sometimes when it's the SAME crap he's doing over and over again, but I have asked him and pleaded with him to not lie about it and told him how it makes me feel. My mom told me I was being stupid because "all guys lie to keep from fighting" but that's NOT fair if you ask me. I just want Honesty!
2007-06-08 12:56:21 · update #1
Try not asking him insignificant details that really don't matter to you anyway, and the lies will stop.
If it is only DUMB stuff, focus on the important things, and don't sweat the small stuff/details.
You will be much happier, and a lot more relaxed.
Now, go open a big bottle of wine, and drink it without him!!
2007-06-08 12:50:53 · answer #1 · answered by ChopperPilot 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did this in the beginning of my relationship... we're now in it over a decade and have really great clarity in our relationship.
It's his trying to keep from fighting, and it's PROBABLY not even your fault. He assumes you're like his ex, or his mother or some other relationship and uses the lie as a conflict free "out" of the topic... but you're right to be concerned, if you don't train him properly... he may end up lying about important stuff.
Next time he lies to you, simply tell him you love him and that you know he's not telling you the truth. Tell him you don't want to fight about it but that you want him to work on it.
Repeat until it sinks in.... it took about 4 years for me to grow the F up.
~A
2007-06-08 13:04:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you have every right to wonder if he'll lie about bigger things obviously the smaller things he worries about telling you. And he should really think about it if he doesn't tell you your going to find out anyway and it's going to cause a bigger fight. Tell him your not dealing with his lies anymore tell him if it's that hard to be truthful then he doesn't need to be with you. He is causing the trust issues and without trust what relationship do you have?
2007-06-08 12:51:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No honey, do no longer enable him foreheadbeat you! before everything if he keeps on pointing out your lie,he's purposely hurting you! a guy that loves you will finally get previous it and deal! 2d, is as long as he does not smell like smoke, or smoke interior the living house or around you, enable him smoke! i might wait a whilst to have a splash one reckoning on how old you the two are! while you're under mid 30s you have a brilliant number of time! third of all if I advised my fiance/husband approximately mendacity and that i became a virgin, he i guess might like it even better than if he heard that I had a sexual previous! No you do no longer deserve it and in case you think of you do, then u have low self asteem! I beta he knows approximately ur self asteem subject concerns and makes use of them against you! If hes so super on honesty then he might provide help to recognize hes smoking, and unquestionably i think of there's a hidden concern besides this one! something undesirable is going on and that i think it! continually have faith your gut! No, with all this happening, toddler should not be on your techniques! enable me provide help to recognize something, a pair who's truthful each and every of the time would desire to be in complication! 34/7 honesty isn't a sturdy ingredient! ultimate of success, God Bless
2016-10-07 03:32:34 · answer #4 · answered by betker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not stupid, but then again neither is he, men will go to great lengths to avoid a fight, and no matter how many times you tell him its no big deal, he will lie because he thinks he's protecting you. its dumb how it works that way. tell him how you feel, ask he how he would feel if you were to do the same thing, this will probably help you find a solution
2007-06-08 12:53:41 · answer #5 · answered by lydia manning 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not being stupid at all. He should not be lying at all. Do not marry him if he continues to lie to you, because it will just get worse. Its gonna be hard enough your having his child. You need to just sit and tell him please do not lie to me it just causes me to not trust you which is extremely damaging to the relationship and tell him he can tell you everything and anything even if its something you necessarily don't want to hear or may get upset about. You really need to not react and yell or scream and just be calm and express if your upset but in a nice, calm way. I think you may be blowing up at him and this is why he may be keeping secrets, just be calm and mellow and hopefully he will come around and begin to be honest about everything. If you get mad hold your tongue, just write down your anger in a journal. Yelling and getting mad at him is pushing him away and that is probably why he feels he needs to lie because he doesn't wanna hear b*tching.
Try it see if it works. Good luck. I know its hard cuz men just piss us off and do dumb crap a lot but just be calm and bite your tongue, don't react and I think it will help him to open up and will be able to talk to you.
My advice do not talk to your mom about your issues with your man, it could cause her to not like him. Talk to us on here or close friends. Trust me you don't want your family to not like him.
2007-06-08 12:52:40 · answer #6 · answered by Shanny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not being stupid. He is because there is no reason what so ever to lie about things like that and once they start lying then it will never stop because they are addicted to it. Like my bf he told me that he lie to me because he care about my feelings. But he dont lie about stupid things like that.
2007-06-08 12:53:01 · answer #7 · answered by bianca p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being stupid. However, you need to look at your actions too. Do you nag him all the time. Most men will go to great lengths to keep women from nagging.
2007-06-08 12:48:42 · answer #8 · answered by Blessed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is no truth, honesty and trust in a relationship, then in fact there is no relationship. There is just being together
2007-06-08 12:49:25 · answer #9 · answered by Pengy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋