I live with my boyfriend and we have a 5mo lil boy....?

Question

We've been together for a lil over 5yrs. and have done this back and forth games. We now have a lil one and we have straightened out a whole lot!! We are happy with our lil family and communicate a lot more than we once did.

People always ask us when we should get married.

Question is....
Why get married if we are just fine like we are now?

Does a relationship really change after marriage either for
better or for worst?

Why fix it if it "aint" broke?

I'm not doubting myself... I just wonder WHY everyone wants to marry us? what is the difference from the way things are now?

Answer 1

BASTARD; 'AN ILLIGITIMATE CHILD'
IT IS ALSO IN THE BIBLE
DOESN'T HE DESERVE TWO MARRIED PARENTS LIKE THE OTHER KIDS?
ALSO YOU ARE FORNICATING.

Answer 2

I have to wonder if these people who are telling you being married or not doesn't matter really have ANY experience in life. How many of them have kids, or have put in more than 10 years as an adult? I have been married 20 years, never divorced and have two kids. My perspective is WAY different than theirs seems to be because I've lived it. First off, there is a HUGE difference between being a married couple and just living together. I am just astounded by people who don't understand that. Living together is just sort of like a long "date." The role expectations are way lower. Being married is a formal committement, in a church, in front of all your friends, family--everyone who is important to you and your life. It is exactly this committment that makes a strong bond that sees you through the hard times, of which there will be plenty of. If you aren't committed enough to marry someone, I see no way that relationship is going to last through the decades of raising children. And that brings me to my second point. The purpose of marriage is to provide a stable environment to raise children. What you have at the moment is an UNSTABLE environment. Either of you can simply pack up and leave any time you want (and probably will at some point.) That leaves the kid in a one parent home, which severely limits the kids' options. Living together is about cutting down on two rent payments. Being married is about being there for your spouse and kids. You honestly don't see the difference? Yes, live-in relationships change with marriage. With the live-in deal, there are no real expections of each other, and no formal roles. And, many fewer legal rights and protections. With marriage comes a fundamental change in your thinking. Where before you could always simply walk away when things got rough, when you're married there is more of a sense of, "We have to stand and work together as a team to face our problems." Being married is a partnership in life where you are committed to helping each other and make the best life possible for your children. A live-in deal is about an individual keeping their option to leave. A marriage is a life long committment to stay and raise the kids, it's a formal dedication of yourself to each other and your children. You honestly don't see that? I don't personally know of a single couple who had kids that stayed together very long without marriage. Again, I'm not just another 20 yr. old telling you to do whatever feels good at the time.


Kent in SD

Answer 3

Because yes, a relationship changes when you both agree it is a permanent thing. Statistics show that couples who live together and then get married have a divorce rate twice as high as people who don't live together. Why is this? Because marriage does indeed change things. I know this isn't popular to say, but yes, it does actually mean something. If that piece of paper didn't mean anything, then why does the divorce rate change so drastically? I mean, it doubles!

My guess is, however, to some degree you are not being honest with yourself. You are still playing the games and the back and forth relationship issues. Yet, it's also obvious to see you have already made up your mind that what you are doing is fine ... so the BIG question is, why are you still doubting? Could it be because you know, deep down inside, that something is lacking?

Answer 4

Marriage is important. Marriage should make your relationship stronger and it would benefit your child. It would give your child security and teach him early on strong family values. Marriage is a committment that is bonding and sacred. When you say why fix it if it aint broke--well there is nothing to fix because you have nothing. Living together is an arrangement not a committment. Living together is not long term, it is temporary--a try out. When to people have love and respect for each other--their goal is marriage. Like you said you have done the back and forth--only because there wasn't a binding committment--which is marriage. Out of respect for you/him and your lil one--both of you should step up and do the right and mature thing-GET MARRIED!

And you don't have to plan a party to do it. Get married and then save or plan a celebration of your true committment, love and respect for each other.

Do the right thing.

Answer 5

Marriage is not a fix, it is a commitment. Your relationship should not change with the marriage. However, it does provide stability. It would also be of benefit to your son to marry.
If you have a history of break up and make up......if you get married, then maybe the next time an event comes up and you two would have bailed you will be more likely to work out the problem together, because a marriage is a commitment to stay together forever.

Answer 6

People don't value marriage anymore.

What does marriage mean to you?

What do you value?

Would you want your son to live with a girl and have kids and not marry? You're going to teach him that this is ok.

The relationship should change after marriage. You have made a commitment to marriage, the union that bonds 2 people together 'til death.

I guess the definition has changed. That's why you're asking this question. That's sad.

Answer 7

Being married makes you think twice about "Getting up and Leaving". Marriage is more pyschological than physical. I got married a month ago the girl whom i lived with for a while. I didnt think any would change but her last name, but wearing that ring makes you feel secure.

Also, it would be solely up to you two to make your relationship better or worse after marriage.

"If it ain't broke don't fix it".......your car may not be broke, but you still gotta change the oil or it eventually will break!

Answer 8

you don't have to get married if you don't want to.

ppl ask because it is tradition to be be married when you have a kid. it is also the next level in a relationship.

marriage can change better, worser, or stay the same, depending on the couple.

if this works for you two, then be it.

the only things about marriage that can be a plus is the tax break and a legal responsibility to each other.

Answer 9

I have 2 agree with the if it is not broke why fix it only get married if you look at him and c the rest of your life with him its something you feel in your gut being married changes things my ex and I got married and fell apart we divorced and now are back together doing better then we were married.

Answer 10

"Why fix it if it "aint" broke? " 1/2 the marital assets if you get divorced for one thing. Staying this way he can walk away with everything leaving you alone, homeless with a baby.

Answer 11

There are many benefits to marriage. People will argue it is just a piece of paper. I would argue back it is more than that.