How do you deal with a midlife crisis and the feeling that your missing out on life?

Question

I'm 54. been married for 35 years to a man 14 years older than me. I don't think I love him and sadly, don't think I ever really did. He idolizes me. I have a co-worker that I think I've fallen in love with, but he has made it clear that nothing will ever happen. He is 11 years younger than me. He was sending out signals, but I mis-read those signals. I'm devestated. Feeling very old, very ugly, very alone.
I know I need to take it one day at a time, but I am sad that I may have lost a friend. How else can I cope?

Answer 1

try to broaden your circle of friends,hang out sometimes,spend time to pamper your self and i truly dont believe that after 35years of marriage you didnt feel any love for your husband,what kept you together for those years anyway if not love even a little?focus on your husband,look for his good points it might help to make your flame of love towards him burn again.

Answer 2

You cope by aging gracefully. We all do and spending your energy on this is more of a waste than believing a marriage of 35 should be tossed aside for a co-worker. Enough with you don't think you ever did thoughts. Your mind takes you there because a co-worker illusion has you fantasizing. One does not live in the same house with another for 35 years without some level of desire to be in their presence. Think about it. You are not missing a thing, you are allowing yourself to think that. You cope as you always have. Wake up each day with the attitude this is going to be the best day of your life. Lookout world here I come. Put a little pep in your step and cope with dignity and laughter.

Answer 3

When I divorced at 42, I felt really old, ugly and fat. I wasn't, but it took several years of doing things on my own, trying new things and living my life for myself before the feelings changed. It's all about self-confidence. Yours is shot!

Being married to a man 14 years older would be tough. But, when I tried eharmony at 52, they wanted to match me with the age group 48-73!

You are also fighting depression, which can be hormone related. See a doctor. Take some vitamins and adrenal support supplements. Get a little fresh air and moderate exercise. Find something that excites your passion--a hobby, volunteering, etc. Join eons.com for conversation.

And talk to someone about your marriage. As Dear Abby used to say, are you better off with him or without him? Make a list of the good, bad and indifferent. A couple of Dr. Phil books (like Life Strategies) will help with some perspectives.

Most of all, realize you are not alone, but you are the only one in charge of your life. Good luck!!!

Answer 4

Yes, it is a midlife crisis that you are having. You need some counseling. After 35 yrs. of marriage yes, I would think things get stale. if he idolizes you, there must have been some romance there once. Any way to see that again? Go on a trip? Take a break? The other man did the right thing by letting you go. i could have ruined your relationship with a man who has given you 35 yrs. of his life. I know you think you wasted yours but you must think of him. YOu need to talk to him openly, and try to fix your current relationship. that other man was just a cry for attention, don't you see that?

Answer 5

maybe you really do love him but have just gotten to comfortable in your life together. mid-life crisis can make you feel this way. re-connect with him. get to know one another again. we all change and grow as we age. maybe you've grown in different directions and at different speeds. forget the co-worker. you're married and odds are, it was more lust than love b/c you don't feel you love your husband. give it another shot.tell him how you're feeling about yourself.(not the other stuff) i'll bet he'll want to help you feel better. join a gym together. you'll be spending good time together and getting in shape too. try to see your husband in a different light. you could fall in love all over again and there may be something there worth saving.35 yrs is a big investment. try to make it pay off. good luck.

Answer 6

First of all after 35 years with that guy to say you don't love him or ever did makes you a horrible person. This poor man has been loyal to you for 35 YEARS of his life, you don't think he wants to go to a strip club and play with some other girls more vibrant? He as well harbors such feelings yet does not act on them. To be flirtatious with a co-worker is appaling given your husband has bestowed to you his life-long commitment of loyalty that was signed when you decided to marry him. I am not trying to be cruel or mean, I am simply being reasonable and logical from a third party perspective. To say you "fell in love" with your co-worker truly signals that you in fact have no comprehension of the word love at age 54. In the face of this sad reality, I highly recommend you stay true to your caring and loving husband of 35 years, commit the rest of your life to him and be damn thankful for the opportunity. I also recommend you forget about your co-worker and accept aging as a natural part of life for when you signed on to marriage, to DEATH do you part. I'm sure you knew that before the clang of wedding bells. I wish you the best of luck and pray for the next generation of females to have some degree of loyalty.