How can women turn their feelings off just like that?

Question

i understand this happens when they feel hurt or not listened to. Some are worse than others. Some men are like this to but i've noticed it more in women. they turn off their feelings when they get angry or hurt and then it takes time to cool off. Do good feelings ever return after they get over it or do they hold onto it forever? For instance if you just leave them alone and don't argue with them at all, will they come back around? It's a mystery. I don't understand it sometimes.

Answer 1

Okay, first off too many generalizations. No woman is the same and as individuals we all have our quirks. I like to be listened to when I have a gripe (and I do talk calmly when I begin) but if I feel I am being cut off or not allowed to finish and that my feelings are not being validated, I shut off...why bother.

Answer 2

Look at all your posts!!! Are you sure that you are not manic? We have no idea about your wife, you describe her as a narcissist, borderline personality, depressed and so forth. It sounds like you are not taking responsibility for your own part in this break up.

I think your feelings are very understandable. I am much more worried about you than her. Why don't you get a lawyer? Why don't you get your mail forwarded to a PO box for safety for now? She probably just forwarded her mail and you felt very suspicious. I went through a sort of break up with a business partner who was also a close friend and one of my therapists, talk about poor boundaries. This woman claimed to have been treated for BPD but she wasn't borderline, she was a psychopath. First thing she cleaned out the bank account, then she forwarded the mail, including my mail to another PO box, then she changed the locks on the doors of the office where both our names were on the lease. Then she sent me a pseudo-legal offer of some money to basically sign everything over to her but still I had all the liability for her actions. I cannot even speak about the stalking in public. To cut the story short, we settled over a year later and she paid me all the money that she agreed to, as well as relieving me of the liability for her actions. I did not pay her a dime, and she still got away with thousands and thousands. Our children were friends and had to be in the same class together so they were very much hurt too. It was almost as ugly as a divorce. That's personality disordered.

Your wife is not doing these things. You can contact her by asking her brother to set up a meeting if you want to talk. Communication has broken down. I'd be furious at you too if you manhandled me in front of the kids, only I'd call the cops. You need to make a grown up move to open communication again. You are obviously in a lot of pain and I'll bet your wife is too.

I feel for you, but you need to grow up and treat her better, not malign her on Yahoo answers. If she hasn't got a lawyer yet, I suggest family therapy, not to stay together, but for an emotionally safer break-up. There are three kids to consider here. What you should look for is a licensed marriage and family therapist, they can be social workers, counselors or psychologists.

If you insist on talking about your problems on Answers, try making "I" statements and talking about your feelings instead of attacking her. Trust me, this is exactly what therapists have women do in group therapy when they are recovering from the terrible emotional things men do to women. Try it, it works. Good Luck and go hug your kids.

Answer 3

They cannot just turn their feelings off, I think they know that men want to "solve" the puzzle or get to the bottom of a situation and move on therefore they want to make it difficult or in a way make you suffer for a short time.

Answer 4

I agree that women use this tool more often. Women will not speak of something, even if it's important, until the time they feel it's appropriate to talk about. It can drive you CRAZY!! But they are smart that way...just when you think they've forgotten they bring something back up....or maybe you forgot about it and they bring it back up at the worst possible time (for you!)

Answer 5

If you really did something wrong, then apologize and if she remains cold, then get away from her becasue their is nothing worse than trying to have a relationship with a person who holds onto grudges. If you did nothing wrong, then give it some time then discuss it with you. if she refuses to communicate, then it is likely that she is only trying to punish you. Tread Carefully.

Answer 6

I have noticed this more with men but that's how it goes I guess.
Some women are forgiving, some are not.
Some are over-reacting, some are not.
Some would come back around, some would be mad at you forever.
There is no general answer for this.

Answer 7

You don't understand it just sometimes? I don't understand it all the time. Even if you are right you will be wrong so just keep your head down and wait for the kettle to quit boiling.

Answer 8

the feeling are not gone they are just put aside for the moment the same way that men do it....good god when me and my husband were dating and had a fight he would act like he had not a care in the world and I was a wreck.... he said he did this cause he knew it upset me more if he just acted like he didnt care...but he did...and we have been together married 16yrs total 18yrs..she will come around...give her some space.....

Answer 9

Some of them come with a on/off switch

Answer 10

Your question has nothing to do with marriage & divorce. That's how women are, just give them their space, and let them know you'll be there for them when they're ready to talk.