divorced parents whats the best way to handle this "situation" between my ex(son's mom) and my current wife

Question

ok been divorced for 5 yrs with a 7 yr old son.My exwife allways invites me to any party/fuction she is having for our son and invites me to go with her to any school functions.Now my ex and current wife hate each other(long story but ex is mostly to blame, jealous)Becuase of this my wife does not like me doing anything with my exwife.We(wife and i) have our oun parties for my son and i go with her to school fuctions(which pisses off my ex)We all get along for my sons sake but my wife feels we should do our oun thing with my son and she(ex) do her oun thing with him.But i have my son to think about how important is it that he sees me and his mom together at functions examples his b-day/graduations ect.or is it ok that his mom and i never do anything together for him?

Answer 1

You don't need to do anything with your ex. Period.

Go to school functions. Don't sit with her.

Have your own parties.

Move on. There is no need to be involved with her unless there is a parenting question to discuss. Do that by e-mail, and hand the phone directly to your son when she calls.

That should help....

Answer 2

I don't know if there is a right or wrong answer. I have been seperated for 11 years, we do all sports and school functions together, but holidays and b-day parties are done seperately. Basically if it is not something that can be done twice we do it together. As long as you and your ex are civil at the group functions then I do not see a need to carry that over more than necessary. The kids know you are divorced and that you are re-married. They will see a happy healthy relationship between you and your current wife, and a civil divorce between you and your ex. I don't think you can ask for more.

Answer 3

Is your ex-wife married? Probably not ! When she gets married, she will have her husband there and won't need you.I know it's hard for a child with divorced parents but unless you are planning on going back to your ex, you have your own life now. You also have someone else in your life. The birthday partys',school events, camping trips, whatever should be with your son your present wife and yourself. If your child has a parent teacher meeting, take your new wife. She is helping to raise the boy, she needs to be there. If your ex-wife goes and you want to go also,take your wife.Tell her to grin and bear it 'cause she is step mom.Children learn that if they have two households, life is a bit different. Doesn't have to be bad though. Unless the two of you just don't have much to do with raising him. If that's it then you should.

Answer 4

aaahhh this is is soo common! I too am a step mom and had a CRAZY ex wife to contend with. best thing for you to do is sever all activity with the ex if that's really what you want. DO NOT INVOLVE your current wife in that decision as you will resent her for any crap your ex wife gives you. There are many resources for remarried families. I wrote a research paper on remarried families and I'd be happy to send it to you if you'd like, just e-mail me. Your much better off planning parties with you, your family, your wife and her family. let the ex plan her own gatherings, that is truly the only way you'll find piece. It's been pfoven by numerous Dr.s and therapists. Your son may not like it at first but he will be so much more comfortable when he sees you happy in your new relationship. At some point in life when you are all more comfortable being around each other, who knows you may be able to take a group family picture with the ex wife. but let's face it your sbubbing her out of the picture when you agree to do things without her. you may as well not have gotten remarried. Best of luck to you in this very difficult union. There is truly nothing harder!!!

Answer 5

You have a moral obligation to raise this child with his mother (regardless of the divorce). Your wife is VERY selfish and immature and you should tell her so.

As long as you and your ex get along and can make it work having functions together, then continue, even if it has to be without her.

Your son has been through more than you have because of this divorce (people tend to down play the feeling of kids), and will continue to feel the effects of it the rest of his life, the very least you all could do is get along!!!

Answer 6

The most important people here are your children!!! It is VERY selfish for your wife to not want you to do things with your first son and his mother. It is very important for your son to see you and HIS mother together and getting along. Even though you are divorced you still have to love eachother as friends, your son needs to see that.I am about to be divorced with a three year old and have done alot of research about children in this type of situation. Your son did not ask for this life and if you stopped going to functions with him and his mother he would think it was because of him. If your current wife doesn't understand that you need to talk to her.

Answer 7

My own parent's divorced when I was 12, my brother 5. Even though they really didn't like each other, they were always both there for us when we needed them. They may have done their own separate things for our special occasions, but the times I remember most are when they were both present. They were both present for our graduations, the first Christmas in me and my husband's new house, and for us moving into our new house. They each had their new spouses with them and everyone was able to be mature for the sake of the kids, because it's about the kids at these functions, not the parents.

If you and your ex feel that it is important and beneficial for you to both be present for special things for him, then continue doing that. It is up to your ex and your new wife to work things out because you are all doing this for your son's benefit.

I wonder if perhaps your new wife is having a problem figuring out where her place is in this new family. She's not the primary mom, yet she is a mother figure for your son. She will have to accept that you two wish to continue both being present to support your son. She and your ex wife, quite frankly, will have to grow up and be the adults just like you seem to have done with your ex wife. Accept that they agree to disagree with each other, put that difference aside and focus on what is really best for your son, not what is best to suit them.

Good Luck!

Answer 8

My ex and I share 50/50 custody. I strongly dislike going to school functions with her, but its something that we do for our son. We don't drive there together... usually we will just meet there.... we dont' hang out when we are there and we part as soon as we can. Our 8 year old son understands that he is loved by us, but we just couldn't live together. I personally believe that we are better off the less we see each other, provided that we don't bad mouth each other to our son... which I do not.

Your new wife has to understand that you don't stop being a dad just cuz you have new wife. If it bothers her, than she doesn't have to go.

Your first priority is your kid.

Answer 9

Sorry, buddy, but both females need some growing up to do. Maybe a sit down powwow with the ladies and point out how all this must look like from your child's eyes. There is nothing wrong with each family celebrating the occasion individually. Good luck, u would hate to have this go on till your child is 18.

Answer 10

Wife needs to grow up.
She knew going in that the kid was part of the program.
It is so important and actually a bit unique that your EX and you can get along for the sake of the kid. To get in the way of or make your united front for your child an issue is destructive to you your kid and your relationships.
You are married to your wife. You are cooperating with your EX for the benefit of your child, where is the problem.
And no it is not okay for you to not do anything together with his mother. It because those events are for both of you to tell him that although you cannot be together as husband and wife that you both can be civil and gracious together FOR HIM.