My parents had arranged marriage and my dad cheats on her. I don't want to marry a man who I don't know and love when I marry him because he could end up cheating on me. Please help? What should I tell my parents? I want to marry someone that loves me, respects me, cares about me, kind to me, etc.
2007-06-08 09:44:36 · 19 answers · asked by BeautifulGirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You don't say where you live. If you're in North America or Europe you cannot be forced into an arranged marriage, that's illegal. If you're in some other countries where this is a common practice, the law is often on the side of the parents and you have no choice.
Assuming you are in a free society you can say no and refuse to marry. But that doesn't come cheap. Your parents will be very upset and will attempt to impose tremendous pressure on you. They may also disown you in the end.
The issue you're facing really is more than simply marriage, you're facing a cultural issue and a human rights issue. Unfortunately when people emigrate to a free country they tend to try to continue living as though they were still at home.
The kinds of pressure you'll be placed under often concerns honour, the honour of your family and all your relations. You'll be told that if you say no you will dishonour everyone and they will no longer be able to function. However that shouldn't stop you. You can point out that this is irrelevant in the country you're in now and that you are more western and chose to follow western norms. You can demand that everyone understands this and accepts it though when you do demand it don't for a moment believe they will accept it.
You may have to decide what your culture is worth to you. If you do say no, you may no longer be allowed to share in that culture at all, you'll be thrown out. If freedom is valuable to you perhaps that price isn't too high, but if you value your culture a lot saying no could be devastating to you in terms of the subsequent consequences.
One thing too, if you do decide to say no, make sure you have a few friends outside your culture. That way at least you'll have some support when things blow up, you won't be alone. Good Luck, I don't envy what you are going to have to face whichever way you decide.
2007-06-08 11:06:51 · answer #1 · answered by Shutterbug 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one can FORCE you. The problem is that if you turn your back on your parents wishes, there is going to be a high price to pay for it.
If it were me, I'd sit down with my father and talk to him honestly, and without tears and emotionalism. Tell him exactly how you feel and that you will not be forced into any marriage that is against your will. If you have to, play the blackmail card. Tell him that you know what he is doing and you will tell the family all about it if he goes through with this. But, remember, there will be a consequence. Every action has a reaction.
Having said all of this, your goal is noble to marry someone who loves you and respects you, but in reality, in America today, the chances of that happening are 50-50, at best. Half of all marriages will end up in divorce, even when people are allowed to choose their own spouse. So don't get carried away with this romantic notion that if you choose your love, it will be perfect and wonderful. You might as well flip a coin before you walk down the isle, because that is your chance of having made the correct choice.
By the way, arranged marriages are actually far happier and more successful. I know, it's somehow un-American, but those are the REAL statistics. Perhaps what you are crying out for is the right to make your own mistakes. A dangerous game.
2007-06-08 09:47:40 · answer #2 · answered by John B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where do you live? Utah or outside the US? To my knowledge, no one can make you marry anyone ... at least here, even in Utah. But be prepared to go out on your own..which you probably should do anyway.
On the otherhand, arranged marriages are NOT all bad either. We all have the capacitiy to fall in love with another, and if the other has money, is kind, is loving, so much the better. Perhaps you could take the time to find out if you like this man..you just may find that he IS right for you...stranger things have happened.
2007-06-08 10:38:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
BE HONEST! Just tell them exactly what you just told us! Tell them that you have seen the outcome of an arranged marriage and that is not something that you are interested in. Tell them that your idea of a good marriage is one that you know the person and love them for who they are. Not because you are forced to. Tell them that you realize that it's what they think is right for you, but you know its not. Say that you don't want to disappoint them but there is no way that you can go through with something like that and live with yourself and be happy. This kind of reminds me of the movie, "The Wedding Planner." If you haven't seen it, you should!
2007-06-08 09:49:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you live in the US, there is nothing your parents can do to force a marriage. Even outside the US, you can still refuse to take the vows. You just have to be strong and stick to what you want.
As for telling your parents, I would just state my feelings, opinions and intentions calmly and honestly. After that, make sure you don't waver so that they know you are serious.
2007-06-08 09:48:36 · answer #5 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Arrange marriage won't work in AMERICA, this country has a culture of its own regardless of what color, orgin, sex, whatever...that's why this is the land of the free(that sounded stupid)
If you have to disown your parents, so be it..you have a life to live and enjoy!
Will you marry me then?
2007-06-08 09:59:08 · answer #6 · answered by Cerealkiller 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do your parents respect you? If they do then you should be open enough to express yourself.
I am not familiar to arranged marriages nor would I ever want to be. I hope that your family loves you enough to respect what you want and need, seems how you are the one who only knows this.
2007-06-08 09:56:10 · answer #7 · answered by stormey_84074 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No One can Force you to Marry another Person in less they are Holding a gun to your Head and threatening to shoot you.It would help if I knew how old you was .If you are Under the age of 18 tell someone ,like a close family member about this so they can help you .If you are 18 or over move out find a friend to stay with or a family member and find the one you love.Don't do it you will be Miserable.
2007-06-08 09:52:14 · answer #8 · answered by Dew 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Tell them what you said in your question.. No one should be making that decision for you if it were me and there was no way out I would run. Whats the point in living life with out love that is the one thing in this word that everybody want that's the point of life once you find love you Will be willing to die for it.
2007-06-08 10:36:00 · answer #9 · answered by Vive 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We are not in the olden days of when your parents were young. You can make your own decisions. You tell them no and should be able to pick your own spouse.
Break the cycle now.
If your parents get mad or disown you then that is there problem , they should not be doing this nonsense in this day and age.
Good luck!
2007-06-08 09:49:46 · answer #10 · answered by Shanny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋