They have been divorced for 3 years, she asks about him sometime, but never talks bad about him. My dad, however, calls her VERY bad names, the worst, to me and my brother. She did cheat on him when they were married, so that is a good reason to be mad, but she is still my mom and I don't like hearing it. What can I say to him?
2007-06-08 09:26:06 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell him that holding on to anger is only going to hurt him, but maybe even hurt you, but that it won't do anything to her. Not forgiving only makes the hurt grow.... God tells us to forgive, wether the person deserves it or not... for our own benefit. Forgiveness does not mean someone has to return to a situation, or even say hi to the person... it is just letting go of hate and grudges and the stress that person is causing themselves.... and then moving on with your life... putting it behind you... he obviously loved her or it wouldn't have hurt him so bad ... but love isn't vendictive either.... so even after what she did, he should let go of the idea of revenge.... tell him its ok to hurt... it doesn't sound like he's let go of the pain
2007-06-08 10:14:49 · answer #1 · answered by Country 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't easy for you to hear your dad disrespect your mom. Even harder because you don't want to hurt his feelings but on that same hand, you'd prefered if he kept his rude comments about your mom to himself.
There's no way to get your Dad from talking bad about your mom unless you confront him with this issue in a sensitive way.
Explain to your dad that when he makes rude comments about your mother, that your feelings get hurt and so does your brothers feelings.
Since he is your father, I know that you feel that you cannot speak up and voice your opinion about certain things that may hurt you. But in this situation, it would be best to let your father know that he has been hurting you, mentally and eventually the relationship that you have with your father will be affected due to his disrespect of your mother.
It also sounds as if your father wants you and your brother to hate your mom as much as he does.
2007-06-08 09:45:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what? I don't agree with the people are saying "well you know, he is hurting"... BLAH BLAH BLAH! BS! It doesn't matter how much your spouse has hurt you! You NEVER bring your children into your hard feelings! My dad and his wife talk about my mom all the time even though they both made mistakes in the marriage. I don't put up with it. I make it known that he is going to respect my mother in front of me. He wasn't an angel. I have two children with my ex husband. He is the worst thing that has ever happened to me or my kids. But he will bury himself in my kids' eyes. I will not do it for him. One day, they will be able to judge him for how they see him. Not how I've made him out to be. You need to tell him that she is still your mother, and he needs to keep his opinions to himself.
2007-06-08 09:49:40 · answer #3 · answered by mommy4two05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is obviously not a very good dad. tell him you do not want to see him until he can act like an adult and stop saying bad things about your mother. If you have no choice but to see him, ask your mom to go back to court and give you a chance to tell the judge that your Father does not have your best interests in mind and you'd rather not see him.
2007-06-08 09:52:47 · answer #4 · answered by mystery_me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a stepdaughter and I have a child with my ex husband and I make it a point not to say anything negative about either of the other parents in front of them because I know it would hurt their feelings and make them feel like they had to choose sides.So sit down with your dad and I don't mean just in conversation tell him sit down I need to talk to you about something and tell him.I know what mom did was wrong and I know it hurt you and made you mad but its over and done with and all we can do as a family is move on and look to the positive things.Tell him you love him but you also love your mom and it hurts you feelings when he says bad stuff about her.Tell him you are the child that didnt didn't ask to brought into the mess and you shouldn't have to deal with their adult issues.Just ask him nicely please don't talk bad about my mom anymore in front of me.My husband I despise but when my daughter ask me something about him I always speak positive so I won't damage her self esteem and hurt her feelings.
2007-06-08 10:35:37 · answer #5 · answered by samwise25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get him alone and talk to him- from the heart. You need to tell him that you respect him and understand where he is coming from but that it hurts you to hear him talk bad about your mother. Just ask him nicely if he could please stop doing it out of respect for you and your brother. Hopefully he will realize that he has been getting carried away and put you and your brother's wishes in front of his own foolishness and immaturity. Just stay calm and let him see that it really hurts you when he says these things. Good Luck.
2007-06-08 09:31:21 · answer #6 · answered by LilMiss143 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that just because he isn't her husband anymore that does not make her any less of your mother and he needs to respect the fact that it bothers the two of you .And it hurts you to hear your dad saying things like that about your mom and if it continues you might have to give him some space so he can deal with the fact that she cheated on him on his on!
2007-06-08 09:44:38 · answer #7 · answered by TRUTH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him and let him know that you will not listen to it.
But, having said all of that, please understand him. His world, his love and faith and family and home have all been lost, and don't expect him to get over this in one week or one month or even one year. It takes time. He's been deeply hurt and my guess is there are few people he can talk to about it. What he is trying to do is to reach out and talk to the one person who has remained loyal, you! So don't ditch him lightly.
You might also suggest to him, when you give him your big talk, that he needs to go into therapy, or find a men's support group. It will help a lot.
2007-06-08 09:29:17 · answer #8 · answered by John B 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have the same exact situation in my home. What I do is when my dad starts goin off on my mom, I just say, "Hey dad, I know u don't like my mom very well, but I really don't want you to be talkin bad about her. So could you please stop? Thanks" This might help... It at least shuts my dad up for a few hours so hope it works for you too.
2007-06-08 10:20:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him exactly how you feel when you hear him say bad things about her.
If he can't reason with your feelings, ask him how would he feel if his father spoke to him that way about his mother!!
Basically you really can't make him stop talking her bad, but at least he can have some respect for your feelings, after all it is your mother!
Hope it works out well.:)
2007-06-08 09:33:12 · answer #10 · answered by monalisa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋