My husband gives more importance to his parents than me. Is it correct for him to do so?

Answer 1

I was just going through a Supreme Court of India judgment which mentioned very beautiful lines in the beginning that I would like to share with you before I reply your question. These few lines briefly define the concept of Indian marriages, "Parties to a marriage tying nuptial knot are supposed
to bring about the union of souls. It creates a new
relationship of love, affection, care and concern between
the husband and wife. According to Hindu Vedic philosophy
it is sanskar a sacrament; one of the sixteen important
sacraments essential to be taken during one's lifetime.
There may be physical union as a result of marriage for
procreation to perpetuate the lineal progeny for ensuring
spiritual salvation and performance of religious rites, but
what is essentially contemplated is union of two souls.
Marriage is considered to be a junction of three important
duties i.e. social, religious and spiritual." Now coming to your question whom should be given importance after marriage? Whether to wife/husband or parents? If you just read the above few lines you will understand that marriage is nothing but union of two souls in our Indian society, when two unite in the nuptial knot they become one . Our sanskars & sacraments are being followed by them together as one, if you two understand this concept then what ever you do, with whom ever you do, where ever you do, it will be done as one not two different persons. After the marriage the two bodies remain apart but the souls unite to become one. As a husband his duty is to love, care & maintain his wife along with this he as a son is supposed to respect, care & provide necessary maintenance to his aged parents. Both his responsibilities go hand by hand & none can be ignored or avoidable. If any man fails to do so in any manner as I mentioned above then he is at fault morally, socially & even legally. The same principle applies to the woman as a wife & a daughter in law. It is the joint responsibilities of both to give love & affection to each other give due respect to parents, give care to each other & the parents, bear & take equal responsibilities of children, follow the social, religious & spiritual obligations. Who ever live according to these principles will definitely have a very happy family life. God Bless You All.

Answer 2

Does his parents cook his dinner, clean his home and take care of his kids? Does his parents financially support your family? Does his mother do his laundry and run his errands? I figured they didn't. So why are they of more importance to him? Could it be because you've allowed this past behavior thinking/hoping it was just a phase he would get out of once your lives together got rolling? Either way you know it's not right or you wouldn't be asking. So what do you do now that it's a problem. You speak up and make your voice heard. This is your life, period. You choose to set idle on the sidelines or to jump right in. So jump right in there. Demand partnership with you. Don't be nice about it either, be bold and forcefull. Sweetie, only you can change this. And by letting it go on and on your allowing it to get worse. Please demand and expect more for yourself. They're making all the decisions about your life, it's not right. Stop it now before divorce is the only solution to gain back control of your life. Good Luck & God Bless!

Answer 3

Maybe you feel that he is giving more importance to the parents because Maybe he is the only son or he had been very attached to them and as such it becomes his duty to look after his parents because after all it is because if them he is here and thats why he give a little more importance to them so that they do not feel that he is an ungrateful boy.
At the same time he should if not give more importance not insult you.at any cost. It his his duty to give you due importance and discharge his duties as a good husband because you have also left your parents, house beleiving and depending on him.
These kind of things do happen in a joint family when there is only one son and in many cases when the son is very attached to his parents.
So I would suggest to your husband to give due respect to his parents as well his wife. Both are dear to him.

Answer 4

I am quite amused by some of the answers which said that parents are to be given more importance. What they are forgetting is that the parents wouldn't have been parents without marriage. Right? Secondly why is it expected that a man should treat his parents to be most important but a woman should treat her husband and in-laws most important? Why is it that a son is expected to contribute financially to his parents even if they have everything but a daughter doesn't have the right to help her parents after her marriage even if she earns and her parents are poor?If parents demand everything from their sons,interfere in their daily lives it is their rights. But same thing done by daughters' parents after their marriages is selfishness! No doubt marital rape,bride burning,premarital sex,extramarital affair,arranged marriage are our culture!My India is the greatest country in the world! Any doubts?

Answer 5

That's a complicated question though perhaps also simple.

When you marry and start a family, that new family generally should have the highest priority. So if something happens within the family you must drop eveything and help.

Unfortunately the same rule applies to your own family too. After all, these were the people you grew up with and who taught you those values. Until you married no doubt you were always there for them and probably in that case you're still there for them after you're married.

So now things are a bit complicated, there are three families to deal with now where before there was only one. Now there's his family, your family, and the one created by the marriage.

In some cultures there are clear rules as to who comes first. In fact in many the wife is adopted into his family and hers is virtually forgotten. And while your own family has some priority, the extended family generally comes first.

In the West there are no rules as to who takes precedence, that's left to each individual. So what to do?

In some respects it's clear, your new family always should come first. His family and yours share equal status and get attention when your own doesn't need anything at the moment. Attention needs to be given according to the urgency of the need. While that sounds simple too, it's inevitable that there will be conflicts like who is going to celebrate Christmas? You can't be in three places at once.

Ultimately you have to sort these things out with your husband and try to find a common agreement. Perhaps sometimes your family needs to come first, perhaps sometimes his does.

But to return to your question, the new family that is formed by you and your husband should always be first regardless even if it means having a falling out with his or your family or both.

So that seems clear however, I remember when my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, suddenly we did virtually nothing else other than care for her as best we could. Suddenly she became the most important person superceding everyone else. That went on for nine months and even shortened a vacation we had started, she suddenly ended up in hospital forcing us to fly home in the middle of the vacation. Unfortunately she also died while we were on the plane so we came home to arrange a funeral instead.

Beyond saying that it's a judgement call, there are no rules. You're not very specific about your problem so I can't say what the issue is. Basically if his family is constantly leaning on him to the detriment of spending time with you, and they are in fact quite capable of helping themselves, I think you should have a talk with him about spending less time with them.

He's not responsible for them, after all they too are adults and should accept some responsiblity for themselves. But on the other hand if the issue is like my dying mother had been, you're going to have to forgive him for spending so much time with them.

I'd ask him who is more important and I'd ask him why he feels he has to spend so much time with his family. I'd then make it clear he's not responsible for them. Perhaps he owes them a lot from the past but that's been paid back with his love and with all the things he's already done. They need to take responsiblity for themselves and if they chose not to do that helping them is only going to make things worse. It makes more sense not to help so that they are finally motivated to help themsleves.

Beyond that I don't think there's really anything else I can suggest. Good luck though!

Answer 6

i had this controversial talk with a girl once. My fiance and his family loves no one more than their family/blood. They hold family bond very high and share a dependence on each other. I come from a different family, who have been taught to be more independent, strong individuals since, my mother came from asia, she had to learn to fend for herself and her kids, learned not to ask for much help. Hey, grass is always greener, and I think both are very important and we should have a balance. But the problem is that we are extremes with one or the other. She dates my fiances brother, and she said once, she understands that he puts his family and music before her since they were their first. I believe different. I told her my opinion was the respect for family boundaries are their, I completely understand but to accept, I am third fourth fifth on his list is ridiculous. If a man or a woman opens enough for a person to be close (marriage, engagement, cohabitation) then their should be equal priorities to everyone. How could someone put someone down and someone say its okay. I don't think so, saying their is a list of importance states some acceptance to competition to who does he/she loves more... and thats what I believe she is saying.

Answer 7

Why u want to divide your family. its husband tuff time, coz he is like a sandwich between you and his parents. why don't you treat your in law's like your father and mother?. why you trying to take away your husband from his parents. he loves you a lot also his parents. how he can forget the days his parents secrifice for him. he want to share a love with you all. why you want to take full share of it. he has some responsibilities. will you happy if your brother leave your parents tomorrow. after some years you will be a mother of a child. will you happy if your child dump you???.
Dear, love has all the power. have faith in love, trust and friendship is very important. Don't doubt on your husband. love him a lot and not divide a love. he is & will be yours forever. misunderstandings creates a mess in life.

Wish you all the best .

Answer 8

No. He needs to give some importance to his parents, but u and ur kids should come first. that's one major point of getting married. Parents are naturally gonna have a hard time letting go, but kids shoud atleast make the first move.

Answer 9

When you got married all of that changed. I had to make that very clear before I married my husband and let him know that I am what is important in his life now. Not saying that his family is not important, but I come first. I even had to take him to the pastor.

Answer 10

Pl try to understand the issues. Then it becomes simple,easy to get along with one another especially maintaining relationship between husband and wife.

The moment you are wedded to a person ie your husband undoubtly,you are the most important person in his life.

you become the centre stage of his life and vice-versa in home making, carrying the family traditions of enjoying mutualy love,affection followed by products of children, and the joint responsibilities of their upbringing ,shaping their career etc.

In the family of yours consisting of your husband and yourself to start with followed by the children as newcomers, you and your husband are the queen and king of the family. You and your husband are equal in your family but your husband is more than equal to you on some issues which are connected with his parents who gave them his birth.

All others are only secondary to your family.

But when it coms to the importance of his parents, you can not deny their rightful place in your family as the most important guest or visitors and their are rights are limited,controlled or accepted by your husband.

If you want peace of mind , have complete faith in your husband and accept his ways of treating his parents the way he likes.
Do not waste your time and energy in esatablishing your supremacy over his parents and that is really not required as you are the most important person to your husband in his life and you are alone qualified to be called as his life partner.
No one can substitute your role to your husband on earth and be happy about it.

Don't get into controversies over who is important to your husband whether you or his parents etc.

Follow the policy of give and take formula for running your family smoothly .

Remember the old proverb: Even this will pass away.

Changes are certain and who knows what will happen the next moment ?

Do your duty to your husband and your family and all good things will follow,

Wish you good luck!
(Don't think I am very partial and i am a male chauvnist..)





Yep, his parent's came before you, and they gave BIRTH to him, obviously he's going to have importance for them