There is a sort of tussle that goes on between my parents & my wife every moment for emotional rights.?

Question

It is like that even on a trip who keeps my clothes. I sort of get very annoyed at times. What is the right approach for handling such issues without making anyone feel bad.

Answer 1

I was just going through a Supreme Court of India judgment which mentioned very beautiful lines in the beginning that I would like to share with you before I reply your question. These few lines briefly define the concept of Indian marriages, "Parties to a marriage tying nuptial knot are supposed
to bring about the union of souls. It creates a new
relationship of love, affection, care and concern between
the husband and wife. According to Hindu Vedic philosophy
it is sanskar a sacrament; one of the sixteen important
sacraments essential to be taken during one's lifetime.
There may be physical union as a result of marriage for
procreation to perpetuate the lineal progeny for ensuring
spiritual salvation and performance of religious rites, but
what is essentially contemplated is union of two souls.
Marriage is considered to be a junction of three important
duties i.e. social, religious and spiritual." Now coming to your question whom should be given importance after marriage? Whether to wife/husband or parents? If you just read the above few lines you will understand that marriage is nothing but union of two souls in our Indian society, when two unite in the nuptial knot they become one . Our sanskars & sacraments are being followed by them together as one, if you two understand this concept then what ever you do, with whom ever you do, where ever you do, it will be done as one not two different persons. After the marriage the two bodies remain apart but the souls unite to become one. As a husband his duty is to love, care & maintain his wife along with this he as a son is supposed to respect, care & provide necessary maintenance to his aged parents. Both his responsibilities go hand by hand & none can be ignored or avoidable. If any man fails to do so in any manner as I mentioned above then he is at fault morally, socially & even legally. The same principle applies to the woman as a wife & a daughter in law. It is the joint responsibilities of both to give love & affection to each other give due respect to parents, give care to each other & the parents, bear & take equal responsibilities of children, follow the social, religious & spiritual obligations. Who ever live according to these principles will definitely have a very happy family life. God Bless You All.

Answer 2

There is a priority here. You and your wife are married and therefore you and your wife must take priority. When both of you got married you separated from the parents. This doesn't mean that your parents don't deserve respect nor does it mean that you should not listen to their advice; however, you and your wife answer to each other first about all things. If something, such as clothes, is very important to your wife then her 'want" must come first. It is important to talk over these little things with each other first and then come to an agreement of what happens. Then, these little things will not become big things. At the same time, both of you must cherish the love your parents have for you. Your parents sound like they love you a lot. So, acknowledge the love but don't let the love overtake clear boundaries.

Answer 3

This is an oft confronted situation for any man - the insecurity that a mother and a daughter in law go through.
While it is a woman's right to be the sole person in her husbands life, a mother also cannot understand the reason why she cannot continue loving her son.
Only a husband can draw the line of striking a balance between the two - taking the wife into confidence, helping her to understand the situation but pleasing her by paying attention and patience when she is insecure. Let mom pack but let your wife have the last say on which shirts she would like you to wear - a little assertiveness at this stage with mom to say that your sweetheart loves you in this and this and you would like to make her happy. No two ways about it and slowly the message is clear to all concerned..
Wives remember - a mom is a mom and a wife is a wife.. She is not the other woman..
Be patient and wait till you prove to mom that you can take care of her son just as well as she does.. No competition but just an assurance..

Answer 4

Your wife takes precedent over your parents. You and she are supposed to be One, which means that everyone else, including your children, must take a step back. If you get annoyed at times, that's your fault. And if the choice of who will feel bad is between your wife and your parents, unfortunately, your parents lose. Otherwise, you might as well move back home with Mommy.

When there's a question of who keeps your clothes, you should let your parents know that your wife will do this. When you see your mother stepping ahead of your wife, you should intervene. You should speak to your wife FIRST, before doing something with your parents. This doesn't mean you must get your wife's permission, but you should show her the courtesy of letting her know what your plans are. This keeps down confusion.

Bottom line is that your wife should not have to tussle with your parents, to maintain her position in your life. YOU should make sure that your parents respect her and treat her with kindness. Of course, you should also encourage your wife to be kind to your parents.

A husband has a huge responsibility, when it comes to his wife and his parents. He has to keep both of them happy, and sometimes that's not an easy task. Wives will usually cooperate, but mothers can be difficult. Your wife needs your support. Don't leave her to fight these battles alone. You know your parents alot better than she does. Do what you need to do, to keep peace.

Answer 5

There are millions of people in India fighting for basic needs of bread and butter,clothing ,shelter etc.

Fortunately, your problem is not relatred to that.

I hate the game of cricket where "eleven fools are playing and eleven thousand fools are playing" as quoted by the famous English novelist George .B.Shaw.

But, now I want to give an example or two from the game of cricket.

1) A coach gives training to the players till the day of the match and upto the start of the match.
Once the match is started , the coach retires to the audience stand and only willl witness the game, offering a few suggestions here and there ,if only situation warrants. Otherwise, his role is very limited.

Similarly , the parents have to give way to the couple to manage their lives, offering some help and tips as and when situation warrants.

2)In any game two teams are a must to play the game Once the match starts, the match can go on with or with out an audience. If there is an audience, their movement is limited to the audience stand and they are not allowed to enter the field.
The rule of game will control the match with an umpire.The role of an audience is limited to encouraging the players and participating in the success or defeat of the players with out any direct involvement.

In this game the parents will have to play the role of an Umpire or an audience only.

Similarly , parents have to give way to the daughter-in law to manage her family in all the matters concerniny their family.
Parents must take retirement to the audience stand and only witness the match of family life between the married couple.

The solutions are:

1)Act as a wise Umpire between your wife and parents.
2)Counsel them both to lead a life of "forgive and forget"
"give and take" to have harmony and peace in lives of family members.
3) Make your parents to live separately.

Answer 6

Someone is going to feel bad. There is no getting around it. WIFE COMES FIRST! There will only be a tussle if YOU allow it. Tell your parents to BACK OFF!

Answer 7

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Answer 8

Once you are married, you alegience is to your wife. You must treat your parents with respect, but they must understand that you now have choosen a life of your own, just as they did, and they must let go of the petty stuff.

Answer 9

you are married.your wife is your better half. She is the one who is going to come with you till the end. your parents must understand that you are married and no more a baby thouh there is no doubt that you are their son till the last.Try to make your parents understand this without hurting them.

Answer 10

You need to set your parents straight. Your wife should always come first. She is your life partner. They are your parents. Their job was to love, nurture, and teach you and then set you free.