Why must we choose one way or the other?

Question

Frequently in our society, even in schools, we are asked to choose between two options and defend it. Whether it's God/no God, evolution/creationism, Republican/Democrat, right/wrong on some given issue, so on, we are asked to pick a cause. If we do not, we are often ridiculed, labeled as "wishy-washy" or "afraid." There is obviously no logic in this since, in many cases in our lives, we do not make a real decision until we have enough information. How is it that this principle does not apply to the "big" things, the abstract?

This doesn't have to be yet another debate among believers, atheists, and agnostics. I'm just asking you all to think about it for a moment, though I have little hope that anyone will realize anything through the question.

I asked elsewhere, now I thought I'd ask here.

shree: Yes, but an intelligent man does not act before he has chosen, does not choose before he has collected the information.

Elaine P: This doesn't really address the issues I raised. When determining what you're going to wear or what you're going to eat, of course we end up making a choice. I'm asking why society insists that we choose between two opposites so much instead of taking middle ground or some other path. Again, people get the label of "wishy-washy" and "fearful."

Mental D: I say the same to you, but with one addition. I will NOT get used to choosing one or the other. Sometimes this is unavoidable, but I'm raising issues where this isn't the case.

roberth m: Sorry, I have no idea what you're saying.

Let me give you all a personal example that I'm sure many of us have experienced. In school, I was given various topics or told to choose my own, then to pick one side. People DID get bad grades when they made a third choice, decided it didn't matter either way, felt there wasn't enough information, etc. Obviously the methods that school teaches aren't put into practice by many people, but those methods CAN and DO lead to uncertainty, to awareness that maybe the dialectic isn't necessary.

Why give a person a bad grade for realizing this? Why insult another for it? Most of the people responding say they wouldn't do this, though I wonder. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. My question isn't 'should I choose one way or the other' or 'what are the benefits of being able to choose,' but 'why are we so often forced to make a choice and why are we respected less because of it?'

dlin333: Yes, exactly. Isn't it ironic that the media always goes on about how things are gray, yet expresses everything in black or white and demands the same of us?

Pedestal42: I would choose your answer as best if it actually answered the question. You make good points.

knobh7: Your first paragraph is a good response. Everyone else has said the second. Does anyone want to expand upon her conclusions?

X: Haha, Kierkegaard. I'm not sure I agree 100%, but there is some truth to it.

Wrong, intruder828. I'm just asking why people insist upon this thing. I'm not having personal problems. My motivation is to increase awareness and to get people thinking.

Gwenwifar: "they're necessary to others because they're the shortcut to getting to know you. others need to know who you are too."

That's an interesting thought. Of course, that necessity is often only perceived, not real, and this doesn't explain everything.

Doctor Y: Excellent response, all true. I would like a little more development on the 'for us or against us,' but I think that mostly speaks for itself. My only response is to the first half. You speak of tasks that are assigned. The workplace must remain as it is for it to function. Schools, however, are different. Their given purpose is to educate, and many have said that the methods they teach are to help us in life. The definition of education is quite subjective, of course, so I guess this response has to be taken with a grain of salt: the methods are useful, but the logic, purposes, and thought processes that accompany these assignments are limiting in themselves. Is this inevitable? Maybe. I haven't done enough thinking on this to propose any kind of "perfect" educational system, though I'm inclined to say that's impossible. Regardless, the schools themselves often fail.

Answer 1

It is a serious topic but with deeper consequences than most realize.

You are touching on the most fundamental theological, psychological, metaphysical, biological, philosophical conundrum that exists for mankind. Duality. The enforced socialization of a belief in opposites that stymies every poor soul who has ever existed. It is the essential learned egoic self, the "mark of Cain" that we must present to the world, the shamed, fake, defensive self that separates us from the Divine experience of bliss we long for.

All of us are forced to incorporate 'others' beliefs in good/evil, right/wrong into our defensive belief system in order to survive our child's limited world of relationships. It is conditioning of the worst kind because although socially condoned - in fact advocated - it forever controls our perception of self and the world. And, unfortunately our experience of reality mirrors the thought system built on that shifting sand of duality.

Like the proverbial Eve (the vulnerable creative aspect of mind) tempted to reach for power through ingesting - believing in - opposites (because reason - Adam - has not yet wakened) and shamed for "getting it wrong," our the ego is cast from paradise until purification allows a few to reenter and experience eternal aliveness. Shame is the psychological glue that maintains the experience of duality.

This subject is serious, if not THE most serious issue we face in seeking self-knowledge and return to being.

Answer 2

SOME situations are best handled with a binary logic, and some propositions are mutually exclusive.

But many aren't.
Sometimes there's a third (or fourth..) way, not at first apparent in the phrasing of the dilemma, which may have been deliberately set up that way:
"Have you stopped beating your wife - Yes or No?"

The "inadequate information " consideration is another factor independent of the above. Sometimes "either/or decisions *do* have to be made on that basis.
Do I cut the green wire or the red one?
Uncertainty doesn't produce a middle-road choice.

Next time there is debate, see if you can find a well-argued third option, and demolish both of the proffered choices.

Sometimes it's called "thinking outside the box"

As an example: a political false dichotomy that I've seen.
"Not to invade Iraq was to do nothing about Saddam..."
Really?
How about a covert assasination?
Continuing with sanctions, inspections and no fly-zones..?

Answer 3

It sounds to me like you are talking about a couple different kinds of situations here. So let's address then separately, neh?

In one situation, you may be asked to perform a task. You are NOT asked to AGREE with the task you are performing, just to perform it. This often happens if you participate in, for example, a debate club. It doesn't matter whether you think the position you are asked to defend is correct... you must defend it nonetheless. Anyone who does not has failed to perform his task.

This kind of situation crops up in a lot of other places too. Another good example is pretty much every job any person has. Do you think a garbage worker is asked if he LIKES lugging other people's waste around? That's not even relevant. The only question is will he do it for the money they're offering. And THAT is the same situation in your classroom, I expect. A teacher said, 'write a paper supporting A or B'. It's nice if you can write papers about other things, but it's just not what you were asked to do.

The other kind of situation is very different. The primary question then is not what you do, but what you believe. These are not people who pay you with grades or money, so instead they punish you if you fail to meet their expectations. And though they may phrase their question in terms of one duality ("Are you a republican or a democrat?"), they are REALLY interested in an entirely different duality: Are you with us or against us?

This latter fact is more obvious in the arena of religion... mostly because it would take the most active kind of ignorance to pretend that there weren't so many flavours of religion around. But the question is the same. And if you don't share beliefs with a group of people, they will often stake you out as the ENEMY. Someone to be assimilated or annihilated. They want to win, and you may be someone standing in their way.

For the latter situation, you ALREADY HAVE chosen some things. That much is obvious. You are a believer in rationality, in making as good a choice as you can, you seem to think that derision and dominance are bad, and so on. These are not values that everyone has; they are ones that YOU have chosen (for the time being, anyway). Those that don't have them WILL use them against you as much as they can.

So you have to defend yourself. That doesn't mean striking out in a like fashion, but it does mean being resilient in your beliefs. Understand what's going on and then you can handle it or avoid it in a proper stoic fashion. And learn to distinguish the first of the above situations from the second, so you don't end up fighting the wrong battles altogether.

That's my take, anyway, for what it's worth. Peace.

Answer 4

There's a poem that does remind me of this question - perhaps you answer is between its lines. *Smiles*

"The Road Not Taken" - Robert Frost
wo roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
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We are asked to make choices and pick between two things rapidly in school because, in Life, sometimes we are faced with choices to which we must decide quickly. School just wants to help us formulate opinions so we can make the choices we face with precision, knowing how to justify them.

As to being ridiculed for not choosing sides. I can't justify that.

Hope that "helps". After all, this is one of those subjective questions which each person has a different POV on.

Answer 5

i know what you mean. i have the same problem myself. mostly i suppose because i took too much philosophy in high school LOL. when the teacher asked "if a tree falls in the wood and nobody knows it has it really fallen", i was the kid who said no with conviction and understood why that was the answer. i know both sides of an issue can be right. i understand that you can make the right decision for the wrong reasons and be wrong, or make the wrong decision for the right reasons and be right. i know in many ways i am just like everyone else, and in many other ways my world and anyone else's have nothing in common. and i have an uncanny way of being able to look at things from someone else's point of view, seeing their reasons. so decisions can be tricky.
when it comes to the big questions in life (god, abortion, gun control, prejudice, etc), those questions whose answers define me as a person, what i believe in, what kind of imprint i'll leave behind, i have reached decisions. in some of those issues my decision is to sit firmly on the fence. i have debated and researched the topics and continue to do so. debating it most often reinforces my opinion, but occasionally it confronts me with an angle i hadn't thought of, and i have even changed my mind on a topic or two. i know my answers aren't THE answers, they're just mine. but they reflect who i am and who i want to be and while they are open to the influence of new information, they are built on solid ground.
sitting on the fence is sometimes seen as avoiding a decision, but it is a decision none the less. sometimes the only decision we can make is not even a decision so much as a realization that we can guess, but we can never know.
the way i see it, those decisions are necessary to you, because you need to know where you stand, what you stand for and what you won't stand for. you need to know who you are. they're necessary to others because they're the shortcut to getting to know you. others need to know who you are too.
i like to think the reason these things come up in school is simply to bring the issues to your attention, force you to think about them for a little while, lay some foundations for the process that will eventually lead to a decision. but don't be afraid to simply say, when you're asked your opinion "i'm still working on that one". and don't be afraid to say "I've changed my mind". these choices define you as a person, and who you are as a person influences these choices also. as you grow and your perspective changes, it's only natural you will change your mind on a few topics.
i've found that as long as you know what you believe and why you believe it, and are not afraid to explain it to someone else, people tend to respect your position, whatever that may be, mostly because they respect someone who can do their own thinking. it seems to me there aren't many people out there who have learned that skill.

Answer 6

What are you going to do? Nothing? Sometimes situations arise that we do not want to deal with. It is not acceptable to just do nothing. Very often it can be better to do something than to do nothing at all. If there is an electrical spark at a light switch, do you blow it off and do nothing, or say I'll fix it later? If you do, the reason you may fix it later is because they are picking up your body after the fire, when it is discovered that you died from a faulty light switch that caught fire. Get the point? Get used to choosing one or the other. It is a big part of life. Of course some like Hendrix, Joplin, Belushi, wanted it all and you can see where it got them.

Answer 7

many issues are not black or white, there is so much gray in life,, and individuality, yet society tries to put labels on everything, and define everything into a for/against, right/wrong, box. resist the urge to fall for that, take your time and arrive at your own opinions, if you feel conflicted, at the current time, then state that, and dont apologize for it, it is much better to be undecided, then to jump on a bandwagon you havent thought about fully
ps: for example, i am a liberal, i know i am a liberal in my beliefs, human rights are most important, yet i am opposed to abortion, as i believe not that life begins at conception, but life has begun before conception, and the spirit is "assigned" a body, plus i think that women are often pushed into society acceptable solutions, in the past it was adoption, without really considering how that affected both the child and mother, and the abortion became popular, once again without proper consideration, nor with proper help for those who wished to keep their babies,,,,,,, women had been having babies for centuries, successfully, in their early teens, why suddenly in the 70's or so were they not capable of being mothers? so there are many factors that apply, its not just womens rights over their bodies vesus babies rights,

Answer 8

well, for the issues you pointed out....it is important to have a reason WHY you are for/against a particular issue so that it doesnt seem like you uphold your beliefs just bc someone told you to.....people like to see that you have a mind of your own and that your beliefs come from your own thinking and judgements and arent just "random"
although it is true, sometimes you don't know where you stand because you don't have enough information, in that case you should just say so instead of just "picking a side" before you make your evaluations, that way people will respect you more and won't think your mindless or afraid

Answer 9

Well, they tell us to pick a side, because of course they want you on their side, or They also want to see which side you're on, or Do you share the same views/ concepts as they do? There's more than one leaf on a branch and more than one branch on a tree.

But don't let this overwhelm you. Don't let society get the better hold of you as an individual. Each person is entitled their own decision [why do you think we vote/not vote, sleep/not sleep, talk/remain silent, etcetera...]. Society nowadays are just psychologically succumb to peer/government/[whatever] pressure. But, know where you stand. Dare to be different.

Answer 10

All of life is a choice. Should I quit school or go to college? Should I go steady or date many boys/girls? Should I buy this outfit or that one? School teaches you how to research a subject and come to a decision. This way, when you deal with life's everyday problems, you will be better prepared to reach logical conclusions. There's more to school than learning subject matter. Schools provide us with the tools to face life after we're out on our own. As adults, we have to deal with the "fundamental questions," those of faith, politics, work, earning a living. No one "gives" us the information we need. As adults, we'll have to find it on our own, by doing actual research from books, newspapers and the Internet, as well as discussions with other people. We'll never have all the information available; that's beyond our capability, but by learning the PROCESS, we'll have the tools to make the decisions we need to live in an ever-changing world.