Really not sure what to do about this. It’s kind of bizarre.?

Question

My wife left 4 weeks ago after an abortion. She started screaming at me and the kids that nobody was taking care of her. Basically losing control. I had to physically remove her from my son’s room because she was yelling terrible things like “I just got my guts ripped out for this family and nobody is cleaning up the house!” Right in front of the kids. I know she was emotional but you just can’t take it out on children like that. She accused me of abusing her when I had to get her out of the kids room, she packed, and then she left. Told me she wanted a divorce and all this by email. Told me what she wanted out of the house. I didn’t agree with what she wanted and emailed her back to tell her I loved her so why doesn’t she calm down and come back. No communication from her in 3 weeks…..none. No attorney calling me, no email telling me when she’s moving out….nothing. It’s really bizarre. It’s like she vanished. I do see her car around every so often but other than that no communication. However she seems to want to see me in the morning because she waits at this convenient store up the street when I leave for work but I just avoid her and drive on. I haven’t gotten an email, note or anything from her in like a month. It’s so weird. She’s staying with family and I told them what happened that she got an abortion and she drinks a lot when down so they need to watch her. What do I do if she’s totally not communicating? I tried to email her but got nothing back. It’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced. Just two weeks before she left I was the love of her life. Then when I couldn’t wait on her hand and foot after the abortion she lost it and told me I loved the kids more. Well they’re kids and they need food, attention, and someone to wipe their nose. I did go in every hour to check on her to see if she needed anything and brought her dinner. I don’t know what else I could have done. Now…..nothing. she’s gone. Totally. No communication. Nothing. What do I do?

Answer 1

"I just avoid her and drive on."

Speaks volumes. You aren't seriously wondering "what her problem" is, are you?

A married couple with children having an abortion? She's going through one of the most guilt wracking things imaginable to someone who is already a mother.

You're oblivious. You're over it. She isn't. You treated her like she had the flu, but she was feeling like her soul was being ripped in two. She screamed that no one cared about her. She didn't have the baby for the good of the whole family, but no one else even cared. No one could even be bothered to "clean the house."

No question she shouldn't have had a screaming fit at the children. No question you should have clued in that she needed some TLC. But you didn't give it to her. You tried to control her hysterics instead.

The better answer would have been for you to head out with the kids, drop them off with the family nearby and went back to your wife to find out what was going on.

She's depressed and she's alone. You're waiting for her to make the decisions -- stay, go, whatever, you have "other things to do." You just avoid her and drive on.

You really want to know what you're supposed to do?

Clue in. Realize that she's in emotional hell. Be the bigger person for a day, go into the convenience store and ask her if she'd like to come home. Tell you that you and the kids love her, that you miss her and that you'd like to work on getting the family back together. Then, help her make an appointment with a therapist to deal with her inner turmoil.

No communication? What kind of a moron are you??? She's showing up every morning. She's literally meeting you halfway. And you "drive on".

Nitwit.

Answer 2

Sounds like she was having some issues about the whole abortion deal. I say she just needed time to heal. Abortion is a big deal to some people while others have no remorse for their actions. But in my opinion a month is more than enough time to heal she now needs o get back home to her children and husband and be a wife and mother. It sounds like you are really hurting by this maybe you should take the kids over to the family members house where she is staying and see if they can keep them while the two of you go talk and try to sort through this. Good Luck and I hope it all works out for you and your family those kids need their mom.

Answer 3

I agree with you in that I don't believe you did anything wrong. For some women, having an abortion can be a really emotionally tramatic experience. I think that she just didn't know how to deal with it and had a breakdown (this isn't meant as insultive). She has lost a child, and a part of herself.

The only suggestion I can offer is to reastablish communication. Even if this means sacrificing your pride in order to do so, it needs to be done if you want your marriage to heal.

You said that you see her at the convienience store every morning. So call in for a day and stop to talk with her. Or try to let her know you want to talk with her by sending the message through her family.

Restoring communication is your first, and most important, step.

Answer 4

She isnt communicating with you now, because you didnt communicate with her when she was home. After a woman has a child they go through so much emotionally. She may not have physically had a child, but she still could be going through post partom depression. You needed to talk with her and been her best friend through this, she was probably feeling a little guilty as well. And it doesnt help the fact that she was having to tell the kids to clean up, you should've taken over everything for a few weeks, I am sure she does the rest of the time.....right?

Answer 5

Here is my post from your other question. By the way, your posts make me more grateful for the kind husband I have who is so very patient with me and who is supportive and helpful when I have medical problems. So thank you, I think you've strengthened my marriage.

Look at all your posts!!! Are you sure that you are not manic? We have no idea about your wife, you describe her as a narcissist, borderline personality, depressed and so forth. It sounds like you are not taking responsibility for your own part in this break up.

I think your feelings are very understandable. I am much more worried about you than her. Why don't you get a lawyer? Why don't you get your mail forwarded to a PO box for safety for now? She probably just forwarded her mail and you felt very suspicious. I went through a sort of break up with a business partner who was also a close friend and one of my therapists, talk about poor boundaries. This woman claimed to have been treated for BPD but she wasn't borderline, she was a psychopath. First thing she cleaned out the bank account, then she forwarded the mail, including my mail to another PO box, then she changed the locks on the doors of the office where both our names were on the lease. Then she sent me a pseudo-legal offer of some money to basically sign everything over to her but still I had all the liability for her actions. I cannot even speak about the stalking in public. To cut the story short, we settled over a year later and she paid me all the money that she agreed to, as well as relieving me of the liability for her actions. I did not pay her a dime, and she still got away with thousands and thousands. Our children were friends and had to be in the same class together so they were very much hurt too. It was almost as ugly as a divorce. That's personality disordered.

Your wife is not doing these things. You can contact her by asking her brother to set up a meeting if you want to talk. Communication has broken down. I'd be furious at you too if you manhandled me in front of the kids, only I'd call the cops. You need to make a grown up move to open communication again. You are obviously in a lot of pain and I'll bet your wife is too.

I feel for you, but you need to grow up and treat her better, not malign her on Yahoo answers. If she hasn't got a lawyer yet, I suggest family therapy, not to stay together, but for an emotionally safer break-up. There are three kids to consider here. What you should look for is a licensed marriage and family therapist, they can be social workers, counselors or psychologists.

If you insist on talking about your problems on Answers, try making "I" statements and talking about your feelings instead of attacking her. Trust me, this is exactly what therapists have women do in group therapy when they are recovering from the terrible emotional things men do to women. Try it, it works. Good Luck and go hug your kids.

Answer 6

Trust me she didn't just start these feelings after the abortion. She's been feeling this way for along time and just used that as an excuse to get out. If you were smart you would be the one to talk to an attorney, file for a divorce and custody of the kids. Because with her talking to kids and acting like a total nut case, she doesn't even need to be around them or you. As far as her being at a gas station every morning when you go by, it's probably to see if you with anyone else or to see if you can make it without her. Hope this helps you out some. Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

It sounds like she is suffering from major depression. I know your hormones can go wild after having an abortion. Have you tried talking to a doctor about what has happened. It may give you more understanding of what she is going through. Maybe you should pull into the convience store one morning and ask her if there is anything you can do for her. Ask if she is ok. I know you said there was no communication between the two of you in the past three weeks, what about the kids?
You may have to give her time to cope with all that has happened.

Answer 8

Sounds like your wife hit her bottom. If she drinks when down she's a binge drinker. Also abortion can and will effect her emotionally. Ask yourself this when she had the other children did she suffer from Post pordem Depression? if she did she might of been going thru this with the abortion. And drinking will make it worse. I suggest for you to do as a parent just make sure the kids know it's not there fault and file for legal seperation. She left you and the children. Cover all bases. I suggest for you Check out Alanon you will see your story is not orginal.

Answer 9

Sounds like she has had a emotional breakdown!! I can speak from experience. She needs to get help and get it fast!!! It is easily treated by medicine and trips to the therapist. It will take about 1 year but she will be so much better and happier after wards. Most folks do not want to say they need a therapist so just try to get someone she will talk to to try to help her. It is classified as depression--most women dont even realize they are depressed. AND depression can kill.

If you have any feelings whatsoever for her--GET HER HELP! Eventually she will thank you--it may be a year ot two down the road but she will!!

Answer 10

Sounds like she is having some kind of a psychotic breakdown. Either she cannot handle the guilt of the abortion or her hormones are all out of whack. Get counseling, if you can find her/you know where she is living. Otherwise, beef up the security on yourself and your kids, in her mental state, you don't know what she is capable off.\

Either that or you totally ignored her and now she is giving you a taste of your own medicine, only in much greater doses.