When will I feel normal again?

Question

So my boyfriend and best friend of ten years has decided to take a break and I told him no and that I would rather just break up. I'm so sick about it. I can't do anything, I can't focus. When will I begin to feel normal again? I love him but I didn't want to take a break because we tried this before he goes out as much as he wants, yet we aren't allowed to see other people, we still talk everyday and say I love you, but we can't hang out. Those are his rules and they do not make any sense to me. I feel like he just doesn't want to be with me anymore and is trying to take the easy way out. I just want to get over him, I don't want to sit on a break for weeks wondering what his decision is going to be. If feels as though he has all the power. It's going to be hard for the past ten years I have talked to him every single day. How will I get through this by myself. How can I prevent myself from calling me? If he really does love me he will come back even if I broke up with him right?

Answer 1

I think you've made the right decision. The hard part is going to be living with it.

The best way to approach it is one day at a time. Tell yourself 'I won't call him today.' If you need to break it down further, say 'I won't call him this morning.' Go out. See people. Do fun things for yourself. You'll be amazed how much easier it is to forget if you're too busy to dwell.

Start small: take yourself out to lunch or a movie, watch a tv show he would never watch with you, or just take a short walk. You'll be surprised how quickly you'll move on to bigger, more adventurous things.

You say he made all the rules and you feel he has all the power. Well, he doesn't anymore. You took back your power when you told him it was over.

Don't wait for him to come back. If you get out and get on with your life, maybe you'll find after a while that you don't really want him to come back.

And maybe you'll find someone willing to commit to you rather than someone who seems to expect you to commit fully to him and then just dangle in the wind until he wants you.

Answer 2

First of all, huge kudos to you for taking the bull by the horns and breaking it off rather than "taking a break." I think you nailed it right on the head with him "taking the easy way out." It sounds like he's suffering from a case of "the grass is always greener," and when he's realized that it's really not, he can always come back to you - you're comfortable, familiar. Well, damn it, put your foot down. You are not a doormat. Take the power back and tell him it's either all or nothing. You've been together for ten years, so it's not going to be easy...but it's possible. Just take it one day at a time. You CAN do it. People do it all the time. Spend more time with friends...maybe get a new place...take time to really enjoy yourself.

Answer 3

There is a phenmenon that occurs in long-term relationships that has to do with seperation anxiety. This takes the form of symptoms simlar to depression such as you described. It stems from being involved with someone or something that , when that someone or something is gone that the person left feels they can't go on wihout the other.

Until you realize that he was a PART of your life, and not your WHOLE life you will probably feel like this. Take this time to reflect on what you gave up by being with him and see if there is any interest in doing them still. This way you will have other things to focus on besides your hurt and you may come to realize that you gave him too much of your power and life that he truly didn't deserve.
Good luck and have a good day.

Answer 4

After 10 years the games should be over. It is time to call it off. Cold turkey is the only way to go.

"we still talk everyday and say I love you"

How in the world are you going to move on like that. Change your number, move if you have to. Obviously he is happy with this, probably getting a little strange during the break, and you are not happy. Make him play by your rules now.

Answer 5

Looks like you're stuck in between a rock and a hard place. In my opinion, he wouldn't have wanted to take a break in the first place if it was true love. I'm sure that he does love you; but IN love with you...I know it's so cliche to say that there are tons of other guys out there. If you love him and you're not ready to let go then you need to tell him that. Women have this way of being stubborn and not saying what they really want to say. It is so much more healthy to say those thoughts that are in the back of your throat just choking the blood to your brain. You'll feel better, trust me. But on the other hand, if you are ready to move on then just let go and wash your hands of it. Everyone deserves their own happiness...and it sounds like you haven't found yours.

Answer 6

Your question has nothing to do with marriage & divorce, but I'll answer anyway. Leave him. You are not powerless. You don't have to play by his rules. You also get to decide what you want, and if this relaionship works for you, not just him.

You've given 10 years of your life to him, and this is how he appreciates you, by wanting a break from you. That would indicate to me that he doesn't want you in his life. Enough with the games, move on and find someone who will love you and always want to be with you.

Answer 7

Leave him alone..I know easier said than done but hes just using you...Hes not wanting the same as you and we all know if the other half isnt wanting the same as the other then it wont work....He sounds like to me hes keeping you where he wants you and you take him back every time..thats why he keeps doin it...I bet if you were to move on with someone else the first thing he would do is try and get you back and then after he succeeds he will in turn do the same thing to you as always...You shouldnt sit and wait on his decision when yours should matter the most...leave him alone girl hes not worth it...

Answer 8

"Going out as much as he wants" That's a huge warning sigh for me! Now, obviously I don't know you, but it sounds like you control him. Ignore the rest if you don't agree:

Like he just wants a little freedom. He's in some sort of commited relationship with you (not dating other people and the 10 years), but it sounds as if you don't let him go out or hang out with friends and just go to the bar. That's very insecure of you! Do you trust him? Let him go out all the time then!

You need to ask yourself, what do you want? What do you need? What do you love? Is it him? Is it this? Take this time for yourself.

Answer 9

ten years and no real commitment. you already are over it . your just feeling that you lost something that you never really had to begin with. don't call him or have any contact with him. it will only make it harder to get past it all. join a club or something to take your mind off of it and get on with your life. the right one will come along and you will know when that happens. cheer up you are a free women right now. enjoy it.

Answer 10

time will be your healer. some people speed up the process by dating others but personally i think that moving on too quickly is wrong. a natural grieving process needs to occur first. always tell yourself that you now have the opportunity to be with someone who's ten times the man who chose to leave you. it's his loss. good luck for the future.