What's with this grandiose attitude?

Question

My husband & I are having marital problems. Things seem to be fine when out of no where he picks fights, resulting in ignoring each other & being resentful. He tries to spin situations around, but I know the truth & don't allow for these mind games. During our most recent confrontation concerning problems in the marriage he continuously boasted (with arms stretched on back of couch) about how great he is, even using these words to describe himself; great, fantastic & even perfect. I asked him if he thinks I should bow down to him, he said yes! Now I know any decent human being wouldn't feel the need to announce their "greatness" but am some what confused as to why he felt he had to convince me he was this great person. Is he trying to sell me on this I'm so fantastic attitude? B/c I'm not buying it! Can anyone tell me why? Possible signs of bipolar? My profile tells more. If there's anyone who can seriously help me, my email is available. Thank you to anyone that can help- Lauren

Answer 1

Oh goody! another narcassists maybe? Unfortunately they don't know that they are that way, very seldom learn to be humble and will do and say anything to justify just how great they think themselves to be.

Answer 2

Lauren, based on your previous questions I must say that things are not looking good. You guys really need some counseling our outside help of some kind. It sounds to me that your husband is either over you, or trying to pretend he is. Because it is clear that he wants to show you that he doesn't need you (the divorce games are a big clue).

If you can't get counseling, then I suggest you start acting like your life doesn't revolve around him. Take a class or two, hang more with friends, etc. I'm not saying it will make him come back (it might but no guarantees). At minimum your mind will be occupied with other things and you'll feel more confident to stand your ground.

Sorry you're experiencing this.

Answer 3

I don't know if your husband is bi-polar or not, but what you described doesn't imply he is or isn't. My perspective is, he has checked out and is using this rather immature means of self promotion as a self defense mechanism. He wasn't trying to convince you that he is great, he was trying to convince you that he no longer cares what you think of him. I don't believe that is true, he cares very much, but he needs to erect a wall of self defense to protect his emotions and fragile ego.
Something that is true of most men is we want to feel significant and needed. Sometimes when we feel we can't do anything right in a relationship, we just give up trying. I am not putting this burden on you, I know very little about your relationship with your husband. I will say this. If you were intentional about encouraging and affirming the things your husband does well, he may be more inclined to listen and learn and improve in other areas.

Answer 4

It may be an inferiority complex. Truly great people do not have to convince others of their greatness. Is he controlling your life too? Isolating you from family and friends? Making unreasonable demands of you? Always putting you down?
You may need a marriage counselor or therapist.
My Ex-husband had told me how I should be grateful for having him-no one nearly as good would ever want me, and so on. We were always moving-5 times in 5 years-so I had no long term friendships-he refused to have a phone in the house. If any of this seems familiar to you-he needs professional help-emotional abuse is taking place. Physical abuse is likely to follow.

Answer 5

How long have you been married? Did this just start or has it always been this way. If this is his personality and he has always acted this way, then cut your losses and run. If he started doing this recently then you need to find the underlying problem. It could even be medical, insist he get a check up, call ahead and tell the nurse what he is doing. If not physical, get him into counseling. You can not fix him, he has to do that on his own. all you can do is be supportive.

Answer 6

Your diagnosis is correct: Grandiose, self-centered. He may not be bi-polar, but you are describing signs of an abusive relationship. The cycle is: he becomes agitated, attacks (give insults, etc), then apologizes. Then it repeats. You should be proud of yourself for recognizing that this is not normal and you are not going to allow these mind games to continue. Your best bet is to take your beautiful self and spend your precious time finding a real man who will treasure you, be kind and considerate, and treat you with all the dignitity and respect you deserve. Dump him.

Answer 7

Sounds like a real jerk to me and someone that has a mental problem or abusive problem. It is good you recognize his problem. He needs to get help and you need to either get out before it can exculate or work on your marriage while he is getting help. I am sorry you are going thru this. If this was something he just started doing I would let him know he needs to see a doctor or else you are out of there.

Answer 8

well have you though that maybe you have never givin him credit for all the good things he has done for you? maybe he feels like you don't appreciate his efforts, his hard work, etc.

I would like to find out his side of the story, obviously you are trying to put your own spin to this so that everyone feels pity for you. remember that men have egos and if you take him for granted then maybe he is doing it so that you realize it and start treating him like a king!

Is amazing that you are now noticing this, let me tell he has been this way ever since you met him but you accepted him like that and now that your little world is in trouble then all of a sudden you are discovering or noticing what has always been in front of your face!

Typical woman! ..I would say than rather of coming here looking for pity that maybe you put the same effort in trying to fix you marriage. I'm not saying he doesn't have any faults but don't make seem like you are the perfect one here!

Answer 9

When boasting about their "prowess" and abilities, it's not just you he's trying to convince, it's himself too. Those that are "great" don't say that they are great, they just accept it and know it and don't have to shove it down everyone's throat. My guess is that he's actually pretty insecure and needs you to buff and polish his ego until it shines so much he can see himself in it.

Answer 10

Just show him that he isn't all that great. Trust me, that kind of attitude leads to worse things than just "pronouncing their greatness". Happened to me and will NEVER happen again.

Tell your man what's what and how it's gonna be.