My husband has never really placed much importance on "occasions" but has certainly never forgotten one before. I reminded him about our 10th wedding anniversary as I truly think it is important and would like to have done something special..... I had a feeling he was going to forget anyway...and he did. I was surprisingly disappointed. But he thinks it is not an issue at all and has done nothing to even apologise or attempt to redeem himself in anyway. He is making no effort at all, and that makes it even worse !
Am I wrong to have feel let down?
2007-06-08 03:16:23 · 37 answers · asked by Nix R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No your not wrong to feel let down! 10 years of marriage in today's society is something to celebrate!!
CONGRATS!! =)
2007-06-08 03:19:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You are not wrong to feel let down at all, but if your husband has never forgotten before and he also does not seem remorseful or apologetic for missing such a major occasion, it is likely that he has done it deliberately out of resentment for something else. This is the time to seek a very calm and quiet chat, which will be on four levels:
1. First, to affirm him and thank him for being a wonderful husband and for everything you've both enjoyed so far. Often when something goes wrong, we merely concentrate on the negatives and make things worse.
2. Then let him know how disappointed you were about him forgetting and how surprising that was for you, as it was not like him at all.
3. Ask if he's feeling all right about things. Is there anything bothering him you might be able to help with? Is he really happy? And then LISTEN. It is not just about one party in the relationship, and often we focus on ourself a lot forgetting the other person's needs.
4. Tell him that you hope he can appreciate how disappointed you feel as you are proud of the marriage and naturally wish to celebrate it. You are also sure he would be disappointed if you forgot something very important to him. Ask if you can both do something else to make up for it soon. Then see what happens.
Expectations and their unfulfilment kill relationships by encouraging resentment and tit-for-tat behaviour. If he is a very good husband otherwise, I would forgive this lapse, praise him to the skies and wait for the next occasion to see how he behaves. If it becomes a pattern, you have real trouble brewing!
2007-06-08 03:41:31 · answer #2 · answered by Ms CYPRAH 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Obviously, you place much more importance on what you consider important milestones than does your husband. Means nothing. People just think different things in life are important. Why should he apologize to you, or "redeem" himself in any way? He has done nothing wrong; only you think it was wrong. You are being a baby. Is he a good husband? Does he work? Is he faithful? Can you depend on him? Is he a good father, if you have kids? If so, sit down and hush....you found a pretty decent guy in a world full of not-so-decent guys. There are much, much worse things that happen between a man and woman than forgetting an anniversary date. By the way, I'm a woman who has been married 35 years, and I still don't remember if we got married on the 21st or the 22nd of the month. And I don't care.
2007-06-08 03:28:27 · answer #3 · answered by claudiacake 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd feel let down too..BUT
You are caught up in typical women behavior. You say that you KNOW he forgets things, especially occasions.
From childhood women are surprised by their parents, boyfriends etc. We also are taught to believe that men forget anniversaries and that this is typical.
The day before or two days before at the most, you should have been making JOINT PLANS for such a landmark anniversary. To leave everything to him...that is not very 'couple' to say the LEAST.
Did you surprise HIM with something that day? Because that alone would have been a reminder. But typical woman will wait till the last moment, proving what a jerk their man is.
Rather than encourage behavior like this, you should be making plans together for a holiday that is all about your being together.
2007-06-08 03:22:09 · answer #4 · answered by WriterMom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men and women often look at anniversaries and other such dates differently. You say yourself that "My husband has never really placed much importance on "occasions" ".You obviously place more importance on it than he does. You wanted to do "something special".
First of all, what did you want to do? Is it something that he would actually enjoy also? Or did you want to do something that you normally do not do, and he may consider to be a chore, rather than a treat? Many women consider getting dressed up and going for a romantic dinner, and maybe out dancing as a wonderful special thing. Many guys consider the same thing to be royal pain in a place where the sun does not shine. It is his anniversary too!
If you actually plan something special that he will also look forward to, and can both enjoy, he is much more likely to remember it than if it is something that he considers to rank near a dentist visit! Even then, you may have to remind him a month, week and day before, especially if he has other things going on in life, like stress at work.
2007-06-08 03:31:29 · answer #5 · answered by fire4511 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, My wife and I are opposite than most couples. I am the one who remembers all the dates and my wife is the one who forgets. We've been together for 18yrs and married for 14yrs. Here is what I have learned. Marriage is not a test or a class. If you know he will forget don't try and hang him on it. Instead you prepare a special day and remind him in the weeks and days leading up to the day. He will remember it because you will be scheduling the time with him. Marriage is hard enough without adding more strife for things that are not in our nature to do. I have learned that no matter how much I'd like her to, my wife will never remember our wedding date or my birthday or the date we started dating unless I remind her. It is not that it is unimportant to her, it's just that she can't remember those things. It's like blaming someone that is left handed for not being right handed and wanting them to apologize for it. If you want it special and you remember. YOU have to do something about it. Wishing you the best!!!
2007-06-08 03:49:56 · answer #6 · answered by ulragincajunfan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This Site Might Help You.
RE:
My husband forgot our 10th wedding aniversary......?
My husband has never really placed much importance on "occasions" but has certainly never forgotten one before. I reminded him about our 10th wedding anniversary as I truly think it is important and would like to have done something special..... I had a feeling he was going to forget...
2015-08-23 07:58:17 · answer #7 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he feel let down the rest of the year? Happily married men don't forget special occasions.
Be honest here, have you given him reason to WANT to celebrate? Have you been the best wife you can possibly be?
Lets face it there are a whole lot of women that put their kids, jobs, friends, sisters, parents, everything else first, decide that because they don't have time for sex he shouldn't want it, and then get pissed when he forgets an anniversary.
I am not saying that you are one of those women, but I am asking you to think about how good of a wife you have been.
Happily married men don't forget special occasions.
2007-06-08 03:26:18 · answer #8 · answered by David P 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're right to feel let down. If at least he would have apologized, you wouldn't feel so bad. But the fact that he shows no remorse is what bothers you more. By not acknowledging your anniversary, it's like he's saying the marriage isn't important to him. But as you said, he's not one to place importance on occasions or events. Ask him why that is.
I suggest that you not show any importance to his occasions either--his birthday, or anything else that is important to him.
I think this is the only way he'll understand how important it is for people to acknowledge and celebrate special days.
2007-06-08 04:11:00 · answer #9 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ack! Forgetting a wedding anniversary, let alone the 10th anniversary (or 20th, 25th, 30th, etc...) is a MAJOR big dang deal.
And the fact that your husband isn't distraught over his forgetfulness, tells you just where you place on the importance ladder.
The question now is, "What are you prepared to do about it?" Do you want to spend the rest of your life with an insensitive clod who cares little about your feelings and your marriage?
2007-06-08 03:20:25 · answer #10 · answered by kja63 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well yes its true we men don't put much importance on those sort of things but an anniversary or a birthday . Its the kind of thing if you do happen to forget that you would say your sorry and make up for it . Any man that doesn't is really insensitive!
2007-06-08 03:21:30 · answer #11 · answered by wishingstar5555 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋