DH broke a promise to me- IDK how to handle this. (married people only please)?

Question

How you personally feel about porn is not an issue. I find porn to be a form of cheating, DH knows this and promised not to look at it again on-line. I went into the den this AM and porn was up on the monitor. I'm ANGRY, hurt and insulted. We've gone round and round on this issue. We've been married almost 15 years and have 2 kids. I find his lack of respect (this is the only thing I've asked of him) for me to be a deal breaker. So here's the question- do I allow him to continue with empty promises and hollow apologies or do I put my foot down and boot his butt out the door?

1. Porn became a problem during my second pregnancy. DH said he found my pg body disgusting.

2. I do not ask DH to more or less than he is, which is why we've been together 18 years and married 15. When I said this is the only thing I have asked him- I refered to our "personal relationship" not if he'll mow the lawn.

3. It's not an addiction. I just told him I'm pregnant for the 3rd time and now apparently even before I am showing my pg body disgusts him.

Answer 1

You have said a lot about how your husband feels about you.. It sounds like he is comparing you and your body to a porn star. Not fair, you are a wife and mother of 2 not a movie star with make-up artists and weight trainers!!!! I don't know your circumstance's but if its possible for you to do this it's what I suggest. You just need to tell him its either the porn or your family. And than follow through with what you say to him... Good luck. I've been married for 27 years!!! Its not always easy, but work on what you want

Answer 2

I dont agree with porn in a marriage but thats my personal opinion. You may be a little too harsh here as at least you know whats hes doing and its the worst thing he could be doing.You know he does it now, he will lie about it, and basically he can be trusted about it. Other than that if hes a good husband and father, and hes not really cheating then alittle break may be in order here. You can always confront him on this and tell him its his last chance to cease and desist the porn or you guys are out of there, period with no more chances. But only you can know how much crapyoure willing to put with from him beforeenough becomes enough and the time comes to move on down the yellow brick road. Think about if this is worth all the trouble, money and the pain, especilly to the kids rathr than putting up with a little porn? Good luck

Answer 3

Is it an addiction, or something he just tells you he won't do to keep the peace and just waits to do it when you are not looking?

If this is truely the ONLY thing you've asked of him in 15 years (and pardon my sincere doubts on that claim as someone married 13 years) this must mean your an open minded dynamo in bed with the sex drive of a tiger - so why does he need porn at all?

However if you are not giving it up daily and indulging his every fantasy and this isn't the only thing you've asked of him - maybe this is how he fills the "gaps" between your drive and his.

However, if this is the "deal breaker" for you - and we all have them, then you probably already know the answer to this question and don't need confirmation from any of us on YA!

Answer 4

You said it yourself - this is a deal breaker for you. Was your husband aware that this was a deal breaker? In other words, did he realize the consequences of him going back on his promise?

I can't tell you what to do, but here is how I would probably go about it if I found myself in your position. I would confront him in as cool a way as possible, presenting the facts only - I found porn up on the monitor, I was hurt and insulted by it, I was under the impression we both agreed porn was not welcome in our relationship - see what he says. If he denies it, tell him, frankly, you don't believe it. If he admits to it, see where it goes. You have to decide for yourself what it means if he isn't able to kick the addiction. He needs to understand that you are seriously considering leaving this relationship if he is unwilling and unable to follow through on his promises - and MOST importantly, you have to follow through.

Answer 5

Sweetie, only you know how you feel about this situation. As a wife, I had my concerns about my husband looking at porn too and we almost went to blows on this topic. He told me he'd stop and to my knowledge he has but if I came across it again...I would not tolerate it. Men sometimes can act like children. They can call your bluff time over time and if you keep accepting it then they're never going to take you seriously. So if it's a serious matter to you then you need to stick to your word and leave if it doesn't get better.

You seriously need to examine your heart to see if this is something you can deal with or not.

Answer 6

I used to feel the same way about my Hubby looking at porn. I thought it meant there was something wrong with me. When I let it become an enhancement rather than naughty, he opened up to me about what he really needed. Now that I am more creative, he rarely indulges.

Seems to me a small price to pay for a loving and well balanced relationship.

Answer 7

I feel as you do, that it is a form of cheating. And yes, it is something I would end my marriage over and my husband knows it.
It is not that I am jealous over the women, but my adoptive father would make me look at and molest me when I was a little girl. So, I just cannot bear it to this day.
But, any reason a woman has to not like it is a valid reason and her husband should respect her wishes.

Answer 8

It's an addiction that requires treatment. He can't just say no as he needs help if he wants to stop.

Answer 9

there is a way to go into the computer and block the sites you don't want him going to. its under security settings. find his fav or most visited sites and block them.