Do newly wed guys prefer their personal space, or do they want their wife around all the time?

Question

I'm hearing reports from veteran married folks, that even though a guy doesn't say so, he loves it when his wife calls him every day even though neither has anything much to say, and they love it when their wife is stuck to them like glue and is there at every turn the hubby makes. So, I get scolded everytime my hubby and I am not together. He's cool with it, but by others. Apparently I'm supposed to literally think of him as the other half of my body; and well, as u know, it's hard to live w/o half of ur body, and so u tend not to. I don't know how to shut other well wishers up. I and my mate are fans of personal space, but others make us stick together because there's time for personal space 20yrs down the line. Why should I think about 20yrs now? Am I wrong to not want to be with my man ALL the time? Is he wrong for feeling the same way? Why do others have a problem with the way we feel? Insights would be appreciated, thanks. Would not sticking to him like super glue now be grounds

for divorce in the future? I think anyone can and wil use any excuse for divorce, but would this one be valid down the line? Help!

Answer 1

Don't fall victim to other people's standards...every person and every marriage is different...what works for you two might not work for other people. Sure, there are traditional values that you must share and certain components of the relationship that will be the same as those shared by most happy couples, but if you two are truly happy together then follow your own recipe! Good luck...

Answer 2

No way I'd want my wife to call me just to "talk." I deliberately married a fairly independent woman who is very secure with herself. The kind of woman you are describing sounds neurotic, and would be a turn-off for me. I don't like the concept that a wife is a "half" and a husband is a "half." My wife and I are partners, a team. We are both complete independent adults who choose to be together because we love each other. You are NOT wrong for needing personal space. I think all normal people do. It's the neurotic, insecure, immature people that have problems with the idea their spouse is a complete whole person by themselves. I sometimes travel for my job out of town several days, wife sometimes does the same. I think it even helps the marriage to get away for a few days every now & then.
Me: married 20 years, very stable marriage, never divorced.


Kent in SD

Answer 3

There are times when I need personal space and solitude; especially during times of intense stress. I'll take mini-solace breaks during these times; I'll read, walk, listen to music, go out to eat by myself....anything that isn't demanding of my attention. My husband and I both require this type of 'break' and we've gotten good at being 'quietly companionable' at home. On the other hand, we also regularly have 'front porch conferences' where we sit on our porch and talk about anything and everything. Neighbors, family, and friends join us fairly often. I do enjoy being around other people most of the time; and I do like working through chaos. I enjoy the stimulation and challenges of working admidst many people. I guess I live a punctuated existence...... ;)

Answer 4

It depends on the person. My husband wanted me to be with him all the time when we first got married and call him everyday even thought I might be busy. It meant attending many boring functions, because we didn't always like the same activities or the same people. We've been wed 21 years. Today, we compromise. I do not go everywhere with him, but I go some places with him and he does the same. If both the husband and wife are cool with it things are, that's fine..

Answer 5

i think it sounds like you and your husband have something that works for you 2 and as long as your BOTH happy to h*ll with what other people think...you to should do what works for you not other people...taking space allows you to be an individual and keep you from fighting all the time just make sure its not too much space and not sufficating each other and i think you wont have to worry about divorce...

it sounds to me like you guys found that balance early and as far as other people are concerned they should but out...its not wrong to spend some time apart just make sure you spend time together because if you get comfortable or happy apart then something is wrong but it doesnt sound like that so dont worry and enjoy your happiness....

i know im not married but my fiance and i call each other every day just to talk say i love you even if we dont talk much...its nice to show we care..my fiance and i have been together since we were 14 and now are 19 and have a soon to be 3year old....my parents do the same and they have been together since my mom was 15 and my dad 18..they have been married18years never divorced

if you are worried about being apart talk with your husband...maybe spending time together with mutual friends of his and yours may help with with your time apart and your fears...good luck i hope i helped

Answer 6

Some folks are just weird like that. Personally I think it's insecurity.
I don't feel the need to be up my husband's butt. I love him with every breath I take and trust him with my life----but people need space! Room to breathe. To NOT be smothered by the one you love....it's like a flame without oxygen....it'll die.

Pay no attention to others. If they feel the need to comment on it you can reply however you want.

My love recently had to TDY for 2 weeks(yes we're military). My best friend called me 3 days later with this tone in her voice. "Hi hon, how you holding up?" Holding up with what? He's just gone for 2 weeks---not 2 years! lol.....I laughed and told her I was just fine. I was working out, taking care of the kids, was busy. Just another day in the week.

Time apart is a GOOD thing....gives ya something to talk about later on that night or the next day. :)

Answer 7

There is a delicate balance between personal time and together time. Spend too much time with your husband, and he will begin to feel smothered and possibly untrusted. Spend too much time in "personal space" and he begings to feel neglected and taken for granted (person expierence talking on this one). You need to find a balance. Caliing him at work to see how his day is going is great. Everyday, multiple times a day with nothing specific, more like keeping tabs. Sitting on the couch watching a movie together is great, being right next to him at all times feels more like an attempt to control. There needs to be a balance between the two.

Answer 8

Just because you're married, doesn't mean you should act any different towards your husband than you did before. If he liked/disliked something before, he will still like/dislike it now.

Everyone needs their personal space and time to themselves. If that is what you both prefer, then its fine. Don't listen to what other people say you are suppose to do when it comes to marriage. They are not in your shoes and chances are pretty good their marriage is not like yours. Just do whatever fits and keeps everyone happy.

If you're not sure, ask your husband his opinion. Besides, you should have asked him in the first place anyway rather than asking bunch of strangers...

Answer 9

Whatever works for you two is fine. Marriage is hard enough without trying to conform to everyone else's idea of what it should be like.

When friends critisize you for the way you and your husband interact, kindly explain that this is your marriage, not theirs and you'd appreciate if they'd leave you alone about it. Make sure they know that you appreciate their concern, but you and hubby aren't exactly like your friend and his or her spouse. If they persist, be firm. Don't jeopordize your happiness by second-guessing yourself.

Good luck in your marriage and your life!

Answer 10

I think you care too much of what others think of your marriage. Most guys don't like to be stuck under their wives they need their space. But if you'll like to be around each other all the time then who cares what others think. It's not you your husband and others. It's you and your husband, period. So don't concern yourself with somebody who has no life and want to live theirs through yours.

Get a back bone....gosh!